submissive journal of Sactos_aphrodite (Page 2) aphrodites_saphy: *blushes* sweet... I thank you but wow! I definitely don't feel worthy of that compliment smh.....you can't be in awe of someone that holds you in the same regard  that doesn't work in my head lol *curtsies low*   DitchDocRick: I am very pleased at how you are applying logic and common sense to this journey. The two of you are taking on this task with obvious commitment and dedication that warrants being commended to the highest level. I wish you both all the best as you travel. aphrodites_saphy: Kart....my protector and my loyal friend... Thank you!!Your words and your well wishes are very much appreciated. *smiles deeply and nods* aphrodites_saphy: TASK #5 What does obedience mean to you? This is the one task that worried me from the moment I started writing my journal and not because of the question itself but because of the meaning behind it and because it very much concerns me in my journey as well. It is the one thing I find difficult to adhere to and the one thing I battle with continuously. I tiresomely fight to be so but my will battles with me at every opportunity, and only because instinctively I've never had the need to be obedient. Being a single mum to my children, I have been and i am the rule provider, the provider of boundries and the issuer of discipline when needed. I am looked upon for guidance and support as well as a heap of other things filling both parental roles to both boys and girls. I, myself, haven't had that person to look up to all these years, i haven't had the need to be obedient and I've concentrated solely on my children and their needs and have in the process, disregarded my own. Now however, I have my Master in my life, someone I do look up to and someone I do feel the urge to obey, I trust in Him and His strength and abilities to help me break these habits as I know it frustrates Him just as much as it does me. In this respect, it is part of O/our journey together for me to be broken and remoulded. In the most part, I believe I try my hardest and please Him with my efforts...but I know myself there is still a great need for improvement. As His submissive, it saddens me that I disappoint Him in this way, in reflection and hindsight, I know I know better, but by the time of the realisation, my instinctiveness and lack of focus has already done the damage. Its not that I dont typically obey my Master, it is more so, that I at times, question Him rather than yield. With His instruction and His guidance though and with His control within me, I know this can change. I know this because I WILL continue to learn and grow so that in time I WILL be the best I can be for Him......failure in this is NOT an option. I can't have my Master displeased with me because that in itself is the worst ever feeling to overcome. (Edited by aphrodites_saphy) DitchDocRick: YES........YES........ I can not tell you how often I have considered this. I have a submissive friend that in their daily lives with their routine world, they are the decision maker, the go-getter, the "go to" person. They get exhausted just for this and they CHERISH the times they are allowed to spend with their Dom just to purge themselves of these worries in life. The opportunity to not be responsible for ANYTHING in their life. They have called a "soul cleansing" experience each time they are with their Dom. Nicely written. aphrodites_saphy: Thank you Kart!!! *smiles and nods in agreement* That also rings true to me.....the responsibilities in RL are immense....work, friends, family.....they all require me to take the lead and to be the responsible and attentive individual that I am in that persona. Which is exactly what it feels like, a different person altogether and coincides with what I stated before....your 'forced' to be so, you feel like you live a lie because your not being true to yourself. I to, cherish the moments I spend with my Master and purely because He makes me, He completes me and He gives me the opportunity to shine through. It's another reason to the endless reasons of why He means so much to me and why I love Him unconditionally and why i will do, always.  delightful_dina: i can soo relate here. i myself find i lack in obedience. Never knew how much until recently. It is something i am working on and at times i find it very difficult. And i agree with you, we can be trained to be obedient with time and patience. It is not an easy task to go from being the decision maker and provider to one that hands complete control to Another. i know i desire to do so however like most things it is easier said than done but, it is not impossible. Please do continue, you are doing amazing aphrodites_saphy: Sweetie With your mind set and focused and the clarity there....nothing is impossible. Having the belief in your own abilities and your own strength helps me get to where I need to be, so i am a great believer in that, but it is also important to have the direction, the guidance and the discipline of your One or of someone you trust implicitely to guide you well. You like me, are stronger than you even begin to realise....you will get there I'm sure. I can completely acknowledge though that it is genuinely a hard path to walk. I wish you the very best sweetie, I do. *smiles warmly* aphrodites_saphy: TASK #6 Why is communication important in a D/s relationship? communication is important in any manner, regardless...its how we get through life and understand each another. In the lifestyle, within a typical D/s relationship and within my own relationship with my Master its even more important. In a typical D/s relationship, built on and realised within the lifestlye, being able to communicate with each other openly and honestly is what creates a bond within the relationship, it builds on the trust and ultimately gives you the knowledge you need to be able to best cater for each others needs. It allows you the opportunity to explore each another's desires knowing that your limits and their intentions are known because you have discussed them efficiently. Without even this simplest level of communication, how can you possibly progress and grow or know for sure that your relationship is Safe, Sane and Consensual??? From a Dom(me)/Master(Mistress) perspective, I would assume (and I say so with caution, if I'm wrong then please feel free to correct my assumption) the communication is even more important, They have taken the responsibility of Their submissive's gift. They have accepted ownership and by doing so, They then have a NEED and/or a requirement to know how Their submissive ticks, how he/she responds to different tasks, disciplines, scenes....anything that may cause them distress or anguish and what may otherwise break them alongside whatever makes them happy and aroused and compliant....the list of knowledge a Dom(me)/Master(Mistress) requires to be efficient in Their role is endless but its all sought for the sole purpose of being the Dominant who is able to control Their willing submissive and to be the source of strength, firmness and power that is craved so that the submissive feels comfortable and trusted that he/she has gifted themself to One who will cater for his/her needs and who will ultimately provide them the growth and the ability to express their submissivenes. In my own opinion as an owned submissive in a loving relationship with my Master...I have a need and a craving at times for communication with Him so that I can adequately serve Him, so that the bond between U/us is at its best and so that I have the knowledge of avoiding Him any unpleasantness and disappointment. If I do wrong, He makes it known so that I can correct myself...punishments are also a form of communication...my ultimate craving though is feeling worthy of Him, I don't deal well with no communication, to not speak with Him for any length of time, it distresses me because of the connection and the bond that W/we share......because of how close I feel to Him....He is my strength and my will and my soul and He fills me and completes me as a person....but, with communication and the more I feel the connection, the more intense O/our bond becomes, the easier it gets. In a simpler analysis, I've purged, released and freed myself of everything and laid myself bare in His palms, communication is what will build me to become the submissive He desires and will enable me to embrace my own submissiveness to the best of His abilities. This journal, is also a form of communication, and I get great clarity and focus from these tasks....but as well as this, it may also prove beneficial to my Master because what's written here is not anything W/we have typically discussed, so as such, it has opened a further line of communicating between U/us, which as I've stated, is of the uptmost importance and a strong foundation to any relationship. (Edited by aphrodites_saphy) delightful_dina: Very well thought out and written i love to see you putting soo much thought into your tasks and am so very proud your eyes have opened to what this journal has to offer. i found myself through mine as i see you are doing. Please do continue...you are like this beautiful flower i am watching open up and blossom. (Edited by delightful_dina)  MrTaco: So very well written as Ive come to expect baby, you're focus and introspection continue to grow rapidly. I'm so very proud of your continued growth both as a submissive and more importantly your growth as a woman being true to yourself..... aphrodites_saphy: I truly am sweet ...I've never felt more attuned to myself than I do now....my focus is as it should be, I've found closure and found inner peace in myself and I'm glad I took the steps to involve the Academy in my journey, its gave me the release I needed to light and clear the path before me....and now, more than ever, I feel capable of walking strong at the side of my One and realising and enjoying the possibilities of O/our future together. *smiles deeply, her eyes filled with excitement* (Edited by aphrodites_saphy) aphrodites_saphy: *lowers her head respectively* Baby, you make me what I am and what I desire to be. Without you in my life, I doubt I'd be as assertive...I'm glad my work pleases you, I truly am. Thank you  *reaches onto her tiptoes as your palm caresses my face, gazing into your eyes and kissing you softly* DitchDocRick:  with Sacto. I would say that you have done well in your explanation of what is expected of a Dom that has accepted the gift of another's submission. aphrodites_saphy: Phew! I'm pleased Kart!!! Thank you! *sighs a sigh of relief* I did worry that I was innaccurate in my assumptions so I'm glad to read that isn't infact the case. It only clarifies the need for communication though, I know its much more of an extensive list! *smiles* (Edited by aphrodites_saphy) DitchDocRick: View it as such, saphy.......EVERYTHING you give of yourself as a gift to a Dom? That Dom is then responsible for every aspect of what is involved in that gift. aphrodites_saphy: I'm well aware Kart. *smiles* Just not being a Domme or indeed a Mistress, I was concerned that my assumptions may have not been correct. But I am pleased that in respect of what is expected as far as communication is concerned, that my knowledge of such is just and correct and that I haven't been at risk of offending any such Dominants with any misconstrued ideals from the perceptions of a submissive.  KittenBlu: To Sactos_aphrodite: you are doing an amazing job at not only expressing you true self, but also giving others insight into the life of a submissive. Keep up the good work. I look forward to sharing this journey with you. To Dina, Kartereo and Sactoguy: I can see that Y/you are all not only knowledgeable, but also true friends. Thank Y/you for helping to guide Sactos_aphrodite in her journey of self discovery. she has made me think on my own journey through submission. aphrodites_saphy: @KittenBlu.... Thank you sweet!!!! *smiles deeply* I began my journal to hopefully try and gain some focus....needing it to not only encourage me to gain more clarity in myself and who I am but to give me the closure i seeked to enable to help me walk the path before me easier. To find my weaknesses and strengths along the way so I can grow to become the best I can be for my One...my Master. I'm glad to say that I have found such and still continue to even now.... I may step away from time to time when I feel that I need to come to terms with realisations I may have discovered but i will return, as I have now...to continue my self discovery and to gain from the strength of that knowledge. When I first came to Wire and got involved with the lifestyle and entered the big unfamiliar world of BDSM...it was Dina's own journal that clarified the mixed up emotions in my head for which, I will always respect and be grateful to her for *smiles warmly* I don't think even I knew at the time, how wrapped up I would become in her writings. She is indeed an inspiration to the 'serious' newbie sub's Kart.......is fabulous!! He's always been a very trusted and loyal friend and will continue to be.....he's wise in his ways and has guided me well....he is much cared for and respected and extremely supportive.... And last but by no means least...my One.....He supports me unconditionally, advises me and guides me to the better of myself...I love and trust Him like I never have and never will again and He's my rock through absolutely everything.... I to, am extremely grateful for they're continued support and it means a lot to me to have them beside me as I go through this process of discovery and closure......this girl is very lucky to have such people in her life and in addition, likewise, I would very much appreciate your support and knowledge as well Kitten thank you hun! (Edited by aphrodites_saphy)  master1500: @ wonderwoman: it is not about to have something (like a role) or to play a role, it is about to be something. someone is, someone not, someone still has to find it out, someone is trying dayly to understand his/her self |
