submissive journal of Sactos_aphrodite (Page 3) aphrodites_saphy: Wow!!! Ww  thanks for the reminder....my head has been otherwise occupied of late....here, could quite possibly be where I need to be!!! Thankyou sweetie!!!!  aphrodites_saphy: I have reached a point in my journey where this entry becomes no longer relevant to my circumstances or indeed to my mind set. When writing what I have so far, I done so whilst owned, whilst wearing the collar I was given....this is now no longer the case and as much as I would love to continue writing and finding the focus and the clarity being here has given me, it's became too hard to do so. The dynamics of my life has changed and I now need to accept that....I now have to realise that instead of a Master I have a very close friend. It wouldn't be helpful to me at this moment to reflect on anything I've written here, because it pains me to much to do so.....at the same time, I won't delete it either. He made me feel what I did to write as I did and for that, His teachings and the lessons I learnt and the benefits of Him being by my side to get to this point...I will forever be grateful for. I will always love Him dearly...that won't ever change, He is and always will be my One....that's how it works unfortunately. But sometimes, there comes moments in life that you feel at a loss and things happen that you feel and know you can't compete with....my submissiveness will never be realised and be complete if I dont and can't make Him happy. The right thing to do, although painful to the deepest extent was to let Him go, to free Him to be happy and to seek that for Himself. Neither of U/us were fulfilling O/our needs, which meant W/we weren't complete and W/we became distant so as not to pain each another. I inevitably reached the point where I lost myself and I didn't feel at all as I should have and resorted back to feeling as I did before, at my journey beginning. Now as friends, W/we are happy again....W/we re-established O/our true feelings for each another....and all without any effort. The tension and the stress taken from the equation let O/our connection thrive once more. I will always be saddened by the fact I can't be complete and draw from my need to submit with Him, but not at any point will I have regrets in regards to any time W/we spent together.....I find solace in knowing that now He is happy and that the right path was taken to ensure that, I have rectified, to the best of my ability, my failure to ensure His needs were fulfilled. Life unfortunately isn't always capable of pleasing everyone and for the greater good, a measure of pain is needed to counter balance the choice. Karma, fate, destiny......call it what you will. *curtsies low with her head bowed and her eyes dropped as she takes her leave, hopeful to return when her strength and ability to do so grows* I wish A/all well in their journeys, in their choices and in their relationships. If there's any lesson to take from this post it would be that when you love that One in your life...sometimes it becomes apparent and a need to take the hurt and the pain...because not doing so, would destroy your heart more. Be blessed (Edited by aphrodites_saphy)  delightful_dina: i am well hun and miss you bunches remember if you need to talk i am only a message away  KittenBlu: These are the words of a true submissive... putting the needs of the One over her own. I know the pain is there... have felt it myself.  Message me if you ever need anything. aphrodites_saphy: He always will be that, He always will be my One and that can't change unfortunately....it cuts me deep every day knowing I can't be how I need to be with Him....but I can only presume that if it was meant to be more, then nothing would come between U/us....I can just about accept that now, it doesn't in any way stop the pain of being without and the longing of wanting Him close and the love I feel for Him in every moment the new days bring. He's still very much the last thought in my head that comforts me as I drift off to where I can dream freely and the first that I smile and wake up too....to some that may sound just a bit unrealistic and it would to me too had I not had the solace and contentment of experiencing the overwhelming wash of emotions that being the happiest you ever have been and feeling true and complete and comforted in your own mind brings to you.....believe me, to forget and move on, to disregard that.....*smh* it's an impossible feat. I don't look back and regret U/us, I regret not one moment of any of the time W/we spent together. He made me who I am today and I can only hope I made Him a better person and somehow I was able to help Him grow as much as He helped me to. I will forever be grateful for that, He opened me up, He set free parts of me I didnt even realise I had and I will still always love Him regardless, I wish and I hope that He finds the best that life can offer Him in every way that it can. Thankyou sweetie for your understanding ....and knowing first-hand the turmoil I'm in at the moment, believe me, I'm sorry that you have felt that pain yourself it's not one which I would wish anyone to have to endure....I miss the Academy, I grew so much in the time I was here....I found so much of the focus I needed to, but at this time I'm still very much lost in myself and I need to rectify that as well as I can. Thankyou....to everyone who's read and shared this journey alongside me, to those who have supported and encouraged me and gave me that push I needed when I needed it.....and of course, to the One person who showed me more than anyone else ever has....be well A/all  rogue_untamed_craved: I've took a lot from what you've wrote here @aphrodites_saphy and I'm so sorry your going through the pain that you are. I have heard of both you and Sactoguy all over Wireclub. You both are very well liked and respected by a lot of people but I'm sure you know that. I'm new to this scene and I've been told by others how easy you are to ask for help and to speak to and how trusting you are and i was very grateful to speak to you the last time we did. You not being on Wireclub as much anymore is sad to see and I hope you return back soon when your ready to, but I am very sad to read this I really am. If I knew this before I wouldn't have bothered you, but you helped me and I'm thankful for what you did. I just wanted to post a comment to say that reading your journal has opened up lots of different feelings in me, It has answered questions I have worried about and in my mind you are someone I do look up to and I know a lot of other people do to. you might not feel it now, but your a very good teacher. I hope you feel better soon. Alix xxx delightful_dina: Sweetie i know i have not been on floating around like i was in the past however, do know you can message me anytime you need and i will respond. The hardest part it not realizing we can not be what is desired it is admitting it. i look up to you my dear, you have shown me we do process that strength and can grasp it as well as grow from it. i myself had the hardest time with an issue similar to this. Walking away was the hardest thing to do. W/we are still good friends and talk as often as time allows U/us to. But to know there is an issue and admitting it was so very hard. you my dear are a very devoted person as i am and i can understand the ups and downs you are having in this situation. Just never forget you are strong and if feeling weak there are many that will lift you up. you are an amazing person as i am sure many will tell you. In situations like this we all need some solitude so no worries about the academy. Once you are ready the academy will be here. Take your time and grow as you feel fit. Trust me i had to take a step back in my journey and evaluate things so i could truly and honestly find myself and the sub i am meant to be. Take your time and know you are not alone sweetness aphrodites_saphy: Actually....*smh* Man!!! I'm so lost for words right now and again, sitting here all choked up ....Alix sweetie...for the times that we have spoken I'm glad my advice to you was as helpful as it was ....*smiles warmly at you* I hope your better equipped now and can see the clarity in your choices and can focus where you need to. Your a fantastic person and I'm sure you will go far along your path...be sure that I'm always here when and if you need me to be. As my gorgeous friend Dina has already said, this is indeed a part of my journey that is a tough one and not just from a D/s level...it's magnified a lot of R/L difficulties in the process. A lot of them meaningful and personal to me that are of my uptmost priority to establish and to rectify. As you rightly say Dina, sweetie, this takes time and focus and inevitably has taken me away from both the Academy and Wire quite a bit.....but likewise, I have help to reach where I need to be and Sacto has been fantastic in guiding me and steering me on the right course, I'll always be grateful for that and I will always feel as I do toward him because of the strength he's given me to lean on in those times I've needed it most. So indeed, I'm on the right path, and I'm focused and progressing once more....a girls just gotta stumble, pick herself up, dust off her knees and look to the future....it's all we've got truly....and to know that next time, we will do it stronger and with more passion than we did before and this time we won't fail!!!! *looks at both of you and smiles deeply*.....this girl is grateful for your words....Thankyou so very much and be well...both of you! (Edited by aphrodites_saphy) KittenBlu: although i am rarely here, i do check in from time to time... feel free to message me anytime aphrodites_saphy: They can sweetie..there are many Dominant women in the world, they generally favour the titles of Domme or Mistress but yes is the short answer to your question.  (Post deleted by aphrodites_saphy ) (Post deleted by aphrodites_saphy ) aphrodites_saphy: Took you seven months to figure that one out huni...I could have told you that in two minutes   aphrodites_saphy: Fond memories.....a lot has changed since i typed the first word...but the core still encaptures the submissive in her most simplest form. To be her once again...nieve, uneducated and uncorrupted. delightful_dina: You have grown and come a long way my sweet baby cakes...I look back at mine every now and then as well and think wow I bloomed just as you have. I took much pleasure in watching you become the person you are today. |
