ahahahahaha obnoxious jokes
harlett: ...................A man is at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face, says:
"Sir, I have very bad news. We did all we could. Right now she's in a vegetative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay here overnight, but after that, you'll have to take her home because your insurance doesn't cover this type of thing."
The guy slumps, just crushed.
The doctor continues: "With the right care, which will include you feeding her five times a day, changing her soiled diapers, and tending to her needs constantly, she'll likely live for at least another 30 years."
The guy sinks even lower, just crushed, and starts to cry.
Doctor: "As I said, your insurance doesn't cover this kind of care, so you'll have to make some sort of arrangements to purchase the equipment you'll need for your wife. I would suggest you put your house on the market today and sell it as quickly as possible and buy a mobile home. You're gonna need the excess cash. It should be enough to buy the equipment your wife needs and for you to live on for the next couple of months. By then, you should be able to qualify for welfare and other forms of state and federal aid."
By this point, the guy is sobbing uncontrollably.
At that point, the doctor puts his hand on the man's shoulder, and says, "Naaaah - I'm just messing with you, she's dead."
harlett: ..........Did you know that Helen Keller had a dollhouse in her back yard?
-Neither did she.
.........How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret?
-Break her fingers.
harlett: ............Knock knock.
Nine eleven who?
YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!
harlett: ....................Employee insults
Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.”
“I would not allow this employee to breed.”
“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
“He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.”
“This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”
“This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.”
“I would like to go hunting with him sometime.”
“He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”
“When his I.Q. reaches 50, he should sell.”
“If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”
“Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”
“If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”
“If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”
“If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”
“Takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes.”
“The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.”
.Q. Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
A. It said concentrate.
harlett: .....Q. How do you communicate with a fish?
A. You drop it a line
.....Q: What room has no walls
A: A mushroom!
.....Q. What did one eye say to the other?
A. Between me and you something smells.
harlett: .......Q. What is smarter than a talking bird?
A. A spelling bee
....Some people bring happiness wherever they go – you bring happiness whenever you go.
harlett: ...Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
..A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
harlett: ......Q: How do astronomers organize a party?
A: They planet.
......Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"
harlett: .....An Odd Tale
There was once a man named Odd. People made fun of him because of his name so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."
wayne elliott: Doctor: Well, I've got good news and bad news...Which d'ya want first?
Patient: The bad news.
Doctor: Your gonna die.
Patient: Good God! What's the good news?
Doctor: See that nurse over there? I'm going out with her tonight.
harlett: .......I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead?
harlett: .............Last Request
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
"Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain.
"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"
R E B E C C A: Woman goes to the doctor n shows him lettuce growing out of her knickers
Doctor: my God that looks nasty!
Woman: its just the tip of the iceberg doctor!
Man was sacked from working in the dodgems
He's gonna Sue for funfair dismissal
Man to his friend: my wife left me two weeks ago. We'd been married 25years....she just left me a note to say she's run off with our milkman
Friend: oh wow that's terrible...how have you been coping?
Man: not too bad....I've got some of that powdered stuff.
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
Have a Life After Death
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you
(Edited by harlett)
harlett: ........TYVM.....FLASHW.... for the thumbs-ups with any luck you felt a merry chuckle here & there...
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need........
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need