ahahahahaha obnoxious jokes (Page 3)
wayne elliott: Man travels far to Rome to see the pope. Dresses in his best suit and waits all morning outside the vatican. Pope comes out, ignores the crowd, walks over to a tramp, whispers in his ear, then turns and marches back into the vatican, gates close behind him. Man goes to the tramp, says: "I have travelled far to see the pope - I simply must see him. Will you swap clothes with me?" Tramp does. Next day the man stands outside the vatican gates. Pope comes out, walks straight over to him and whispers in his ear, "I thought I told you yesterday to fuck off!"
wayne elliott: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
What's the difference between a black jew and a white jew?
The black jews have to sit at the back of the oven.
Parishoner: What's good about sex with twenty one year olds?
Priest: There are twenty of them.
Islam is a religion of peace.
wayne elliott: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and suck him off.
What's the difference between a pimple and a preist?
A pimple doesn't come on your face until you are a teenager.
I am really much nicer than these jokes suggest - although I did find them funny. Yes. Laughing all the way to hell.
FlashW: A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package." The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool!" says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........"
Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
All the ones who can run, jump, or swim have already crossed the border.
A smoking hot girl walks into a bar.
A guy at the bar says, "Wow, you're gonna get laid tonight!"
She replies, "Hehe, how do you know?"
And he replies, "Because I'm stronger than you."
Three gay guys are in a hot tub when a condom floats to the surface.
One of the guys says, "OK WHO FARTED?"
harlett: ......Clearly Cheating humor
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly.
Lorraine dies suddenly.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
harlett: .......anthony "jeselnik" dark jokes
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, ‘Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.’ And I said, ‘If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.’
My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus. The police tried to say she committed suicide but the family knew she was just trying to stop civil rights.
We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting — they caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.
Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn’t have that, then she’s mine.
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch “Schindler’s List.” And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can’t believe it only happened once.
(Edited by harlett)
harlett: ......Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
...... I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
R E B E C C A: morning H this is one katy told me ...
No you're a poo!
good thread btw
Funny sex jokes - Beer belly
A sexy girl looks at the big beer belly of a man and asks:
- Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg?
- There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself?
harlett: .....Q. What’s the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market?
......A. Start off with a big one!
harlett: .......Funny Adult jokes - Tom and his boss
in the morning Tom calls to his boss:
- Good morning, boss, unfortunately I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."
The boss replies:
- You know Tom, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that.
2 hours later Bob calls:
- Boss, I followed your advise, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house.
FlashW: A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."
"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.
"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."