ahahahahaha obnoxious jokes (Page 4)
harlett: sarcastic come backs:
if you can't live without me, why aren't you dead?
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
I wish that we were better strangers.
May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
harlett: .....A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".
harlett: .... Halloween Short Jokes
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
For Halloween I'm going to write "Life" on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
I'll be your trick if you'll be my treat.
Q: How do you write a book about halloween?
A: With a ghostwriter.
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?" The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
wayne elliott: A bloke is complaining to his friend because he can't get any girls. "Put a potato down your trousers and watch them flock to you," suggests the friend. Days later, the friend asks the bloke how its going. "Terrible," says the bloke. "I put a potato down there and instead of flocking, the girls just scream and run away."
"The potato," replies the friend, "goes in the front."
*rolls the potato back*
harlett: ...How does Moses make tea ?
...What do you call a bad circumcision ?
...A rip off
FlashW: A man was walking down the beach when he noticed a cave. He walked in and looked around only to discover a magic lamp buried in the sand.
He rubbed it and a genie came out and said, " You may have 3 wishes but whatever u wish for all the lawyers in the world will get double." The man agreed and said, " i want a million dollers." He got that and the lawyers got 2 million.
Next he said, " i want a ferrari." So he got one and all the lawyers got 2. Next, being his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it carefully.
Finnally he said," Well i've allways wanted to give a kidney."
harlett: ...... a God Joke
A man, late for an important meeting, was searching desperately for a parking spot in a crowded lot. Looking up to the sky he entreated “Lord if you find me a parking spot, I promise to start going to church again.” The words were barely out of his mouth, when a spot opened up right in front of his car. The man looked back up, “never mind I found one.”
harlett: ...dear Santa joke
For this year I’m requesting, a fat bank account, and a small body.
P.S. This year, please don’t mix them up, like you did last year!
FlashW: The middle aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he had only 6 month's to live because of the terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical check-up. The Doctor suggested that he should get his "house in order", make sure his Will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest.
"What will you do for the last six months?" asked the Doctor.
His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll go and live with my Mother-in-law".
Surprised by the answer, the Doctor asked, "Of all people in the would, why do you want to live with your Mother-in-law?"
"Because it'll be the longest six months of my Life!"
harlett: ...Q: What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A: A Christmas quacker!
Q: What's the most popular Christmas wine?
A: 'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'
harlett: ....Dear Santa,
If I send directions, will you have the reindeer poop on a certain house when you fly over it?
harlett: ........A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
FlashW: Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St.Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Ah, yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust. And finally,
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous."
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
FlashW: A husband and wife were in bed watching tv. The husband had the remote in hand switching back and forth between the porn and fishing channels. The wife got pissed off grabbed the remote and kept it on the porn channel and said to hubby.. "Leave it on the porn channel you already know how to fish."