ahahahahaha obnoxious jokes (Page 41) TheCovenant: The RCMP law suit against itself: Money is what you take to the grocery store. It's what you get out of an ATM. $1.1 billion is not money. It's a motive with a universal adapter on it. Sexual harassment is not a defense available to men. So the next time an under age girl puts the moves on you, or a undercover cop wastes your time. simply say to them : Commodum Ex Injuria Sua Nemo Habere. The worst thing about this 1.1 billion dollar suit, is that the RCMP is not going collect from the chirp gallery, but from Joe and Jane Q public. Nothing I like more than giving money to the police for their own wrongdoing. (Edited by TheCovenant)  Big Bopper: A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice." TheCovenant: Why does family never turn its back on the police? Because when someone is coming to kill you, you look them straight in the eye.  Wild__: My friend's parents voted for Biden. He's so mad he said he'd never visit their graves again.  Corwin: To curb my own alcohol consumption, I made a New Year's resolution to only drink on days that end with the letter "Y".  TheCovenant: How do we know Trump is a Globalist. Because even when his company is going bankrupt he 1. pays himself first 2. pays his family second 3. calls it paying his debts. 4 writes it off on his taxes. TheCovenant: RCMP lawsuit addendum: There are only three defenses to sexual harassment claims in the Canadian Criminal Code: 1. you are a good looking man 2. you are a doctor 3. you are very very rich Otherwise sexual harassment is a strict liability offense. as a member of the public i cant afford to pay 1.1 billion dollars to the police for its own wrongdoing, so i am hoping there are a lot of good looking rich doctors in the RCMP...(Well your a dentist, 2 out of 3 is A pass) (Edited by TheCovenant) TheCovenant: A animal rights activist stops a woman wearing a fur coat: She says fur coats are cruel to animals. The woman says for what it cost me I hope they tortured them... (Edited by TheCovenant) Corwin: Guy walks into a bar and buys a drink. The bartender says, "This Covenant guy is a total retard, don't you think?" And I say, "Yes. Yes he is." (Post deleted by TheCovenant ) TheCovenant: I wish my bartender was my doctor, my psychiatrist said I was, "A". (Edited by TheCovenant) TheCovenant: We believe he is collaborating with the Gestapo. Why do you say that? His blood sugar is through the roof,he is still picking plastic out of his wound. He is one of their best operatives.No matter how much they tortured him or used truth serums on him he never cracked. He lasted 15 years under interrogation. They promised to reward him with a 10 by 12 room for months on end. (Edited by TheCovenant)  The giant midget: A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his." TheCovenant: A man plays three card monte and always looses. He guesses correctly that the dealer is switching the Queen after the card is selected. So he comes back with a staple gun, and staples the cards to the table after the dealer shuffles the cards. later that day at the hospital one nurse asks the other nurse what happened to that patient? the nurse replies, i dont know the patient came in with a flattened nose and a 50 dollar bill stapled to his forehead. (Edited by TheCovenant)  Mz Demeanor: An oldie but still a good one: Mrs. Esposito comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Maria. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than meet the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.'' About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote an email: Dear Mama, I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Your Loving Son, Anthony A few days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read: Dear son, I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now. Your Loving Mama Moral: Never Bulla Shita you Mama Big Bopper: A man was admitted to the hospital today with 20 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum. Doctors have described his condition as stable. Big Bopper: At breakfast, the wife asks her husband “What would you do if I won the Lotto?” He says, “I’d take my half and leave you.” She says, "Great. Here's $6, I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch.” TheCovenant: I went to the American consulate to lay the ground work for my exit Visa application( I am trying to jump the Canadian wall before they hit me again). Like all of my Polish friends I had stars and stripes in my eyes. I wanted to know if my mother was right about me being on the list (finally made it on the watch list). I was highly disappointing, the RCMP made it there first (who is first). No marines, no flag, and just 2 no bodies who dont accept mail. Made me want to take another drink for the first time in over 5 years. Nostrovia, the deer hunter. (Edited by TheCovenant) TheCovenant: After I brought back the two Cuban uniforms and the dirty tricks Cuban drowning hit, I spent time drunk at the bar talking to a Bulgarian m1g technician. After graduating engineering me and sergeant Mancini went to the engineering armouries to re enlist. A young officer met us outside and said he couldn't help me and shined us off. Later dr pigeon said no military in the entire world would ever hire me. Sergeant Mancini just said we are to old to be in the military. Apparently you can never be to old to be recycled into the police. Always faithful. It don't mean a thing. (Edited by TheCovenant) The giant midget: This joke is understood by Canadians and hockey fans only Sorry to the rest of the Wireclubbers Two guys from Toronto die and wake up in hell. The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?" The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we're from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh." The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?" Again the two guys reply, "Well, like we told ya yesterday, we're from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh." This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer. The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves." The two Canadians reply, "Well, ya know, we don't get too much warm weather up there in Toronto so we've just got to have a cook-out when the weather's THIS nice." The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell. The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Canadians. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, toques, and mittens. NOW they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men!!! The devil is dumbfounded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it's freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two???" The Torontonians look at the devil in surprise, "Well, don't you know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean the Leafs have won the Stanley Cup." (Edited by The giant midget) | Off Topic Chat Room Similar Conversations |
