Tiger Woods is the Messiah - Scriptural Proof

DontNeedChrist:

Christians comb over the Hebrew scriptures meticulously looking for proof texts that support the claim that jesus was the Moshiach we await. The following uses the same exact tactics and concludes that golf pro Tiger Woods is the Messiah. Is Tiger Woods the messiah? Of course not. Are the "proofs" used taken out of context or are simply similarities? Yes. Same tactic as the christian in their zeal to prove jesus as the Messiah. No difference.

DontNeedChrist:

Many followers of other, sometimes more popular, religions have turned to the prophecies of the bible to try to prove that jesus christ is indeed the fulfillment of the scriptures. While Jews are somewhat skeptical of this device because so much is left to one’s own interpretation, we feel that we can play this game as well as any other faith. Below are just some of the biblical prophecies that seem to indicate to us that they were actually intended to refer to Tiger Woods.

Proverbs 22:15 “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”

- Obviously this passage refers to Tiger’s wildness off the tee as a youth.

Isaiah 11:8 “And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp.”

- A snake hole and a golf hole are about the same size, aren’t they? Plus, we are quite certain that there were snakes somewhere on the first course Tiger played.

Jeremiah 28:13 “Thus saith the LORD; Thou hast broken the yokes of wood; but thou shalt make for them yokes of iron.”

- It is apparently not just coincidence that Tiger came around right as golf switched from wooden woods to metal woods.

Psalm 89:32 “Then will I visit their transgression with the rod, and their iniquity with stripes.”

- Tiger, with his stripes, punishes his opponents with his clubs.

Psalm 31:4 "Free me from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge."

- Tiger is an excellent bunker player.

Revelations 12:5 “And she brought forth a man child, who was to rule all nations with a rod of iron.”

- Here the scriptures predict how Tiger, at a young age, will dominate the world with his irons.

Isaiah 10:15 “as if the rod should shake itself against them that lift it up, or as if the staff should lift up itself, as if it were no wood.”

- Isaiah is obviously writing of the ease with which Tiger swings the club, almost like it swings itself.

Isaiah 11:5 “But with righteousness shall he judge the poor, and reprove with equity for the meek of the earth: and he shall smite the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips shall he slay the wicked.”

- Here he refers to Tiger taking divots and predicts Tiger will fight evil with words from his lips.

Zechariah 8:4 “Thus saith the Lord of hosts: There shall yet old and old women dwell in the streets, and every man with his staff in his hand through multitude of days. And the streets of the city shall be full of boys and girls, playing in the streets thereof.”

- This scripture foretells the increase in popularity of golf due to Tiger’s emergence, especially among inner city youths.

Isaiah 42:16 “I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them and crooked things straight.”

Ezekiel 12:12 "The prince among them will put his things on his shoulder at dusk and leave, and a hole will be dug in the wall for him to go through. He will cover his face so that he cannot see the land."

Zechariah 14:6 “There shall be one day, which is known to the Lord, not day nor night; and in the time of the evening there shall be light.”

- These passages are obvious references to Tiger’s final hole at the 2000 NEC Invitational where he hit his second shot to within two feet in complete darkness and the gallery spontaneously lit his way with cigarette lighters.

Isaiah 63:2 “Wherefore art thou red in thine apparel, and thy garments like him that treadeth in the winefat?”

Nahun 2:3 “The shield of his mighty men is made red, the valiant men are in scarlet.”

Jeremiah 4:30 “thou clothest thyself with scarlet”

Daniel 5:7 “shall be clothed with scarlet, and have a chain of gold about his neck, and shall be the third ruler in the kingdom.”

- Now we understand why Tiger wears red on Sundays (and yes, he used to wear a gold chain and, behind Bobby Jones and Jack Nicklaus, could be considered the third ruler of the golf kingdom).

Isaiah 41:2-5 “He shall rule over kings. He shall give them as the dust to his sword, as stubble driven by the wind, to his bow. He shall pursue them, he shall pass in peace, no path shall appear after his feet.”

- Tiger has already largely fulfilled this prophecy (just ask the “King” Arnold Palmer), and may complete it when he switches from metal spikes to spikeless golf shoes.

Isaiah 41:11 “Behold all that fight against thee shall be confounded and ashamed, they shall be as nothing, and the men shall perish that strive against him.”

Isaiah 43:20 “The beast of the field shall glorify me;”

Isaiah 52:13-14 “he shall be exalted, and extolled, and shall be exceedingly high. As many have been astonished at thee,”

Jeremiah 46:15 “Why are thy valiant men come to nothing? They stood not, because the Lord hath overthrown them.”

- Isaiah and Jeremiah apparently understood how demoralizing Tiger’s domination would be to his opponents.

Jeremiah 10:6 “There is none like to thee, O Lord: thou art great, and great is thy name in might.”

- We already know how GREAT Tiger is, but did you know that his name spelled backwards in Latin (Regit) means “he reigns.”

Isaiah 11:6 “the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them.”

Isaiah 53:5 “with his stripes we are healed.”

Luke 12:48 “But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.”

- These passages can easily be interpreted to show the significance and power of the “Tiger,” and to illustrate the unprecedented pressure and burden of expectations that he has faced and conquered.

Levititcus 13:41 “And he that hath his hair fallen off from the part of his head toward his face, he is forehead bald: yet is he clean.”

- Here the bible absolves Tiger of one of his few faults, his receding hairline.

Psalm 69:4 “They that hate me without a cause are more than the hairs of mine head: they that would destroy me, being mine enemies wrongfully, are mighty: then I restored that which I took not away.”

- Lots of people do hate Tiger for no good reason, but judging from that hairline, those numbers are decreasing every day.

Haggai 2: “The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, saith the LORD of hosts.”

Isaiah 60:9 “bring thy sons from far, their silver and gold with them, unto the name the Lord our God.”

- Here the bible defends Tiger for accepting all of that endorsement money.

Isaiah 7:15 “Butter and honey shall he eat, that he may know to refuse the evil, and choose the good.”

- Tiger’s love of fast food is now explained.

Jeremiah 23:19-20 “Behold the whirlwind of the Lord’s indignation shall come forth, and a tempest shall break out and come upon the head of the wicked (slice?).”

Ezekiel 13:13 “Therefore thus saith the Lord GOD; I will even rend it with a stormy wind in my fury; and there shall be an overflowing shower in mine anger,”

- For those who are bothered by Tiger’s temper, the bible offers an explanation.

Ezekiel 31:2-9 “Son of man, speak to Pharaoh king of Egypt, and to his people: To whom art thou like in greatness?”

- Ezekiel’s detailed/longwinded answer is that the Son of man is as great as robust forest, or “Woods.”

Isaiah 41:18 “I will open rivers in high places, and fountains in the midst of the valleys: I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water.”

- Apparently Isaiah believes that many fertile golf courses will be built because of Tiger, or perhaps that He will become a course designer himself.

Ecclesiastes 1:6 “The wind goeth toward the south, and turneth about unto the north; it whirleth about continually, and the wind returneth again according to HIS circuits.”

Ezekiel 12:14 “And I will scatter toward every wind all that are about him to help him, and all his bands;”

Jeremiah 30:23 "See, the storm of the LORD will burst out in wrath, a driving wind swirling down on the heads of the wicked"

Mark 4:39,41 “And he arose, and rebuked the wind, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.” “And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”

- Tiger is a master at sensing and calculating the forces of nature, especially the wind, which seems to die down quite often when he is playing.

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The absurdities listed above are no different than the absurdities used by missionaries to insert jesus into every narrative. jesus is as much the Messiah as Tiger Woods. Manipulation of scripture proves it.

amoregrowers: True Story!

JX Amaro:
Re: Tiger Woods Messiah
Funny, but who really is the butt of this little joke? The Christians or the Jews? The Christians have believed in ONE messiah and only ONE. The Jews, on the other hand, see messiahs everywhere – from the failed Simon Bar Kochba in the first century to the grizzled Rabbi Schneerson in the twentieth century. And along the way there have been no lack of seriously weird freaks like Shabbatai Zevi tossed in here and there. If one is in the mood for a laugh riot, one might just as well study the clown-car history of failed Jewish Messiahs! LOL

As per Christian belief that Jesus is the Messiah, Hugh Schonfield a Jewish scholar and professional anti-Christian nonetheless established – in a recognized classic work! – that Jesus hit ALL the particulars of messianic expectation. Indeed his book, “The Passover Plot,” is simply magisterial in presenting the case for the objective reality that Jesus really is the Christ. Of course, Schonfield then had to explain why Jesus isn’t the Christ. What was his argument? In short, that Jesus was a mortal man and simply a very good student of scripture who was able to successfully enact the messianic paradigm in a FLAWLESS way. OK, whatever…

Thus, once again, we see that Christians are shown to be right. The FACTS are on our side. We believe in ONE and only ONE messiah and even scholarly Jewish anti-Christians are forced to admit that the trajectory of Christian belief is in complete accord with prophetic expectation. Meanwhile, Jews go off chasing after false messiahs – at least one every century – like clueless drunks chasing the rainbow! LOL

The joke is on Rabbinical Judaism, as it always is. Christianity is the TRUTH and the TRUE VINE.

Hallelujah! Christ is Risen!

amoregrowers: Yes christianity is without its flaws right???

The Pentecostal movement "Todd Bentley, Benny Hinn"

Easter?
Rejecting Sabbath for Sunday

How about

Jim Jones
David Koresh???


Not all Jews followed these guys..

How about that plank in your own eye??!!??

JX Amaro:
@ amoregrowers: David Berkowitz was born Jewish. He became part of the Son-of-Sam murder cult in NYC during the ‘70s. In prison, he discovered Jesus and turned his life around. Hallelujah! That, too, is a true story.

To quote from Robert Plant: “Yes, there are two paths you can go by / But in the long run there is still time to change the road you’re on.” That’s very true, and very beautiful. “And if you listen very hard / The truth will come to you at last / When all are ONE and one is ALL / To be a rock and not to rolllllllllllll.”

Jesus is the Rock, the Messiah and the Stairway to Heaven!

Amen, brother!!!

Cool people dig Jesus.

DontNeedChrist:

JX, I don't delete your anti-semitic posts so all can see your true colors. Admins can see what you type. Keep typing. Only a matter of time.

E s s e n c e: I see the new breath of Christians like jx amaro are angry, antisemitic people that hide behind sacred text to justify their behavior. I see that Jesus has failed them as their savior, just as Jesus failed to save himself.

DontNeedChrist:

Your last post crossed the line JX, hence it was deleted and reported. You do yourself no favors with such vile antics. Get a grip.

DontNeedChrist:

Posts are deleted because they either go off topic or contain personal insults.

amoregrowers: Hmm this is now very interesting.....Due to current events...

DontNeedChrist:

This just in. Tiger Woods was in a terrible car accident and had to be cut out of the vehicle with the jaws of life. Since christians claim their messiah did not die, this is proof as well that Tiger is the messiah because he defeated death in a potentially deadly car accident.