Relieving Immediate Hunger through the Science of Sandwiches

Corwin: A recent study has proven that through the Science of sandwiches we have the the means, using existing technologies, to relieve our immediate hunger, and stave off any further hunger for a measurable amount of time.

This recent study, (actually very recent, I'm conducting it right now as I type this) has demonstrated the viability, both economically and morally, of this wonderful branch of Science.
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Here is a simple experiment you can conduct right at home, using equipment and materials you will likely find available in your kitchen.

[1] One of the crucial materials necessary to conduct this experiment seems to be at least 2 slices of bread... these are most likely found in a box-like container on your counter, or perhaps a cupboard. If this bread is not sliced beforehand, this action must be performed before you may continue the experiment. A sharp or serrated cutting utensil should be found to be available with a quick search through drawers found beneath your counter-tops.

[2] The trick now, is to fill the space between these slices with organic digestible matter of some kind. Keeping in mind that the criteria of "digestible" is of utmost importance. Non-digestible substances such as aluminum foil or plastic drink-coasters will adversely affect the desired outcome of this experiment.
Do a quick visual scan of your kitchen, looking for a large rectangular metal object with doors on the front... this is known as a refrigerator, and should be found to contain the desired organic material necessary.

[3] Once the above operations have been completed, you will have successfully created a sandwich. Take a notepad and jot down your assessment of how hungry you are.... then eat the sandwich. You may want to consume a beverage and have a smoke before continuing... then complete your assessment of your state of hunger.

All of my experiments have led me to the inescapable conclusion that after consumption of the sandwich was performed, hunger was measurably decreased.

LotusBlossomxx: Now it's time for you to start the process over and make me one as well. Gluten free bread of course, lightly toasted. I will give you my results upon my completion of consuming it.

Corwin: Hmmm... yes, I suppose to further our understanding of this Science, further experimentation should be performed, and the use of more test-subjects would be beneficial statistically.

But I think we need a control-group to confirm a negative result.

**makes LotusBlossom an aluminum-foil and plastic drink-coaster sandwich**

Wild__: After years of practice I've determined that my favorite finger food does not decrease hunger but actually increases my appetite. After eating said finger food for as long as it takes to acquire a tasty beverage its only fair that she make me a sandwich.

A tinfoil sandwich? What's next, A sliced turkey hat?

DawnGurl: Allow me to interrupt in the manner of my online mentor, Prof Senor und Herr Colin Q. Kowleen. Exactly what do you mean by "hunger"? Is this a quantifiable state? Can ALL the qualities which compose this "state" called "hunger" be enumerated for verification by other, perhaps more astute, observors? If this imaginary state of "hunger" does not exist, then what, exactly, is being satiated by the consumption of "sandwiches"? And who, precisely, will determine what is, and is not, a sandwich? Do any 2 slices of bread constitute the foundation of said 'sandwich'? What of pita bread? They have NO slices. But they do satiate this unexamined state called "hunger" rather well.
Perhaps a quote from Prof. Schlidemeister will illuminate: What goes up and comes down then back up and then comes down is considered "bouncing."

Corwin: For the time being, until further studies are pursued, we are limiting our definition of "sandwich" to the placement of digestible organic matter between the two or more slices of bread. Although we (my esteemed colleagues and myself) do recognize that this criteria may not encompass the entire field of sandwich research, we feel that we must pursue all avenues of sliced-bread research (be it white, whole-grain, rye, pumpernickel, or other), before we dare engage in more advanced studies, and expand our research into more controversial areas of carbohydrate based delivery systems (such as pita-bread, or sesame-seed buns).

A separate team is engaging in the philosophical debate as to "what is hunger?".
Once they have convened on this, we will have to make a call on whether "hunger" is a broad definition of a noticeable increase in appetite, or whether there are several distinct categories... such as "feeling a bit peckish", or what is sometimes referred to as "feeling snacky"... or which also may encompass the more insatiable hunger felt by someone ready to chew off their own foot.

DawnGurl: I eagerly await the results of your research and hope that you and your esteemed colleagues will publish these results in the appropriate professional venues such as "Reader's Digest and Sometimes Actually Eat Sandwiches" magazine as well as online venues.

Corwin: We had hoped to book some time at CERN to observe the effects of sandwiches accelerated to relativistic speeds and collided with various complementary hot and cold beverages...
... but as there seems to be a rather large waiting list, in the mean time we're just chucking egg-salad sandwiches at the ceiling to see how many we can get to stick there.

The pursuit of Science can get a bit messy at times.

DawnGurl: Perhaps Los Alamos has an opening? Although they may get suspicious of scientists accelerating sandwichs at nearly the speed of light. Perhaps you can piggy-back some bologna onto a tachyon. It would be a first and may even get you international attention.
Tossing egg salad sandwiches at the ceiling may be messy but such is the life of those who pursue knowledge. Perhaps the relative adherence of said tossed sandwich to the ceiling has a direct relation to its ability to satiate hunger. More sticky~less hungry; a primitive proportion I admit, but a start. M(s)~L(h)

Corwin: We have learned this... when we have used fission to split the egg-salad sandwich into a pair of half-sandwiches (or "open-faced" sandwiches ), the ceiling-cohesion rate climbs to 50%.

We have yet to understand the significance of this. The true importance of this find may become more clear once we have sobered up... or we may simply wonder why the ceiling has egg-salad plastered all over it, and take a few more aspirins.

DawnGurl: That's great news! However, I hope your team has not made the classic mistake of confusing fission with fishin'. You can theoretically use fission for your purposes, but fishin' should be reserved for obtaining sandwich "meat."
A ceiling/cohesion rate of 50% is encouraging and begs further research. Sobering up is part and parcel of the scientific method as described so often in these forums. Your plastered ceiling should be preserved in its present condition so other scientists can examine this phenomena.
I have also learned that in parts of Italy and France people eat bread separately from cheese and meat and are adverse to creating "sandwiches." While the Earl of Sandwich is credited with the creation of sandwiches, other Europeans look askance at this construction of bread, cheese and meat. So will all this research be for naught ultimately? Will Europe reject, out-of-hand, this noble cause?

I await with fear and trepidation.

The13th: You might have a point there .... I just consume quite a sizable portion of wholemeal bread and duck but am still hungry. From hindsight I should have sandwiched the duck rather than eat them as separate items ...

Corwin: Ah yes, boyz... you have stumbled upon an observation which seemingly contradicts The Entropic Principle stated in the Second Law of Thermodynamics...
... which is why we are working on The Laws of Sandwichdynamics.

[1] Sandwich ingredients cannot be destroyed, only changing from one form to another... usually changing eventually into poop, once digestion has been completed.

[2] Unlike energy, the Entropy of sandwich ingredients CAN decrease... meaning that the Satisfaction of the sandwich can be greater than the sum of it's ingredients.

DawnGurl: Allow me to add some depth and profundity to this erudite discussion: Jesus fed the multitude with fish and bread, which clearly implies the potential for sandwich-making by members of this multitude. Now, if sandwiches were the food-of-choice by such an illustrious person as Jesus, then clearly, sandwiches not only have the ability to stave off hunger (currently being investigated for verification) but have been singled out among all possible foods as having divine qualities and exalting the consumer of said sandwich to celestial heights. I mean He could have fed them pizza with Coke or sushi and saki......right?
Can the so-called "God particle" be at work here? Can the sandwich be responsible for the existence of matter itself?
I present this as a possibility and topic for your perusal and discussion.

Wild__: Don't forget the wine , Jesus provided his disciples with wine. Provide me with wine and bacon sandwiches and I shall worship your spirits.

Serabi:

Interesting hypothesis and conjecture! Can't await the final outcome of entire study. Maybe a Nobel Prize is warranted.

DawnGurl: I have stumbled upon a conundrum of sorts which may undermine the theory of sandwiches and their ability to relieve hunger. I refer to the "open-faced sandwich" which does NOT enclose the foodstuffs between two or more slices of bread. Instead, the foodstuffs are indecently exposed in a raw and native manner to the swirling air about the foodstuffs. One slice of bread is placed upon a plate, then foodstuffs are put atop this, then another slice placed by its side. Does this heinous construction truly qualify to be called a "sandwich"? I think not. It resembles a dish whereupon "French toast" is the base and ham is placed atop this. Clearly, this is NOT a sandwich, but a breakfast meal. Also consider the pancake topped with bacon. Another similar construction and not a sandwich.
I suggest we rename the offending gustatory treat to "Open-Faced Meal." This way, there's no need to include this scandalous and offensive debasement of a sandwich in these investigations.
Thank you for your time and attention.

ShawnXx: tl;dr but yeah, sammiches work great and lazy effers can do it too.

The13th: I think not, Dawny. In the pursue of science, whenever one or more examples contradict establish notion, we known straight away a hidden variable or constant is missing. After some twitting with maths symbol, I realized that the unit of sandwich is actually a vector quantity, as oppose to scalar. The angle with which the second slice relative to the first slice is an important parameter to completely described the physical property of sandwich. Making the open faced meal just another special instance of the traditional sandwich.
But theres more. While working with Doc on one of his new Back to the Future machine, I accidentally drop part of my sandwich into Flux Capacitor and the machine just ... Gone. This lead to the current believe that sandwich when moving at certain trajectory, release immense amount of energy that makes time travel blink of an eye stuff. Someone could have drop a sandwich at the wrong angle and MH370 is gone. But the maths to describe this Grand Unifield theory of Sandwich need further work if I can only find some time off.

Wild__: Well wait now, how does one define sandwich?

I mean myself, a thin slice of turkey, sandwiched between two slices of bread (white, wheat, or rye, (it matters not to me) could very well constitute a "wild sandwich."

* thin or thick slices matter not yet I refuse to be sandwiched between two whole loaves.

*please hold the ketchup, mayo is inevitable.

DawnGurl: Boyz, you present a hypothesis regarding sandwiches, hunger, vector quality and time travel concerning MH370 which is extremely interesting. I have a What-If scenario based on your observations: What if the sandwich itself experienced "hunger" and ate the plane? We have been fixated on our own, human need for food, and said sandwich's ability to satiate this condition. But what if the tables were turned? Could not the dropped sandwich, arriving at the floor at the precise vector angle, consume the plane?
This is a corollary to our investigations which either I nor my colleagues have foreseen. Perhaps Dr. Corvin can shed light on this, or Dr Wildmann, who is currently holding the ketchup in his pursuit of a definition of a sandwich.

The13th: Ya ya there is indeed such a thing in mathematical construct, its called differential equation. In the context of sandwich it would be d(sandwich)/dx = f(sandwich).
In Corvin classical theory of sandwich, hunger is inversely proportional to number of sandwich consume therefore f(hunger) = 1/(k(sandwich) + c). Therefore k(sandwich) + C = 1/f(hunger) and sandwich = [1/f(hunger) -c]/k. Once we substitute this into the original differential equation we can actually prove that sandwich can go hungry. In a stationary state or quasi stationary state hungry sandwich do nothing. But when accelerate through the air, like in an air plane, and then dropped perpendicular to the flight path giving it a 3-D motion, the simple linear 1st order equation became tremendously complicated nth order and many hitherto unknown sandwich properties start to come alive and could have "consumed" (mathematically transform is the preferred terms) a plane into some other entity. Further research is necessary to determine the various mode with which object can be mathematically transform by sandwich.

ShawnXx: I just ate a hard salami sandwich with chips and it was satisfying. If anyone would like step by step details into this I will be happy to give you that information for research purposes.

Corwin: Any and all further research is vitally helpful, and should be submitted post-haste to the Sandwich Research Archive of Los Alamos, situated a kilometer underground in a cavern created with the use of a limited-yield nuclear detonation (the high radiation levels seems to prevent Mayonnaise from spoiling).

But what about Mayonnaise?

It seems that the generous application of Mayo seems to increase the Satisfaction Quotient (or S.Q.) of the sandwich... but is this because the Mayo has actually increased the SQ of the sandwich, or has the sandwich itself become more satisfied by the application of the Mayo (or possible consumption of the Mayo on behalf of the sandwich), and we merely absorb this sense of satisfaction felt by the sandwich through some form of Telepathic Osmosis?

ShawnXx: Mayo makes bread moist so idk if you can consider that satisfaction or foreplay.

The13th: ShawnXx intuitive approach towards scientific research and advancement is quite admirable indeed.