ala_freaking_bama: would you ned matches ?
A spiritualist who’d recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she’d just received a message from her dead husband – asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes.
“The only thing is,” she mused, “that I don’t know where to send them.”
“Why not?” asked her friend.
“Well, he didn’t actually say that he was in Heaven – but I can’t imagine he’d be in Hell.”
“Hm,” responded the friend. “Well, maybe I shouldn’t bring this up, but. . . he didn’t mention anything about including matches in the package, did he?”
ala_freaking_bama: elvis presley the greatest of all time would had been 85 today .......the sad part 2 of his grandchilden is not able to attend a celebration
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dodgercharger1979fan: Oh I thought they were in different states lol, my bad. And for the record, yes I walked many times the Beale Street that same joourney, Houston - Dallas - Memphis - New Orleans- Houston and back home
dodgercharger1979fan: Ah see, I knew Tupelo was in another state lol. Only that was Mississippi and not Missouri my bad. Anyhow, what I meant was that when you go to Graceland, you can visit a small museum there, it's like a smaller replica of the one in Tupelo, where you can see all related to his childhood
ala_freaking_bama: winter time in oklahoma
There was a blonde in Oklahoma that was married 1 time . One winter morning while listening to WCCO, they hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”she goes out and moves her car.
A week later, while they were eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through.” so she goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park……”, then the electric power goes out. she is very upset and, with a worried look on her face, she says, “Honey, I don’ know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?”
With the love and understanding in in her hubby's voice, like all the men who are married to blondes exhibit, Michael says, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time.
ala_freaking_bama: usualy how my date night is :
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea, “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?”
He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.
“The evening was a disaster,” he moaned.
“Why, what happened?” asked his mother.
“Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook.”
ala_freaking_bama: Two friends are chatting…
“I will give one million dollars to the person who will fulfill my wish.”
“What is your wish?”
“That somebody would give me two million dollars.”
ala_freaking_bama: yes but do it for any rape
ala_freaking_bama: sounds exactly like me
A man was watching TV and enjoying a beer. “Don’t go,” he yelled at the screen. “Do not enter that building. Walk away. Argh, you stupid man!”
His wife called from the kitchen, “What on earth are you watching?”
“Our wedding video.”
ala_freaking_bama: this is sad
ala_freaking_bama: straight up
Little Johnny’s teacher was preparing the students for the upcoming Spelling Bee when she asked Johnny to “Spell Straight.”
Little Johnny: “S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T.”
Teacher: “Correct; what does it mean?”
Little Johnny: “Without ginger ale.