I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said, “Remove cap and push up bottom”.

I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.

alanatenfield
alanatenfield changed his profile picture: 1 year ago Report
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WonderWoman1
WonderWoman1: Cheers
9 months ago Report
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SunshineDeb got the Sweet badge from alanatenfield 1 year ago Report
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SunshineDeb
SunshineDeb: aww thank you
1 year ago Report
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Jante_nut
Jante_nut: The sweetest
1 year ago Report
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SunshineDeb
SunshineDeb: awww sis thank you
1 year ago Report
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield: One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss
each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little frisky. With an air of confidence,he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you have sex with me?"

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" he asks, grinning at her.

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

"No way. It's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I love you so much!"

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

"Oh, yes you can. Please?"

"No, no. I just can't"

"I'm begging you."

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's older
sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair dishevelled and, in a sleepy voice, she says: "Dad says to go ahead and have sex with him, or I can do it... or if need be Mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for heaven's sake,tell him to take his hand off that bloody intercom!"
3 years ago Report Link
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SunshineDeb
SunshineDeb: LOLOL
1 year ago Report
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WonderWoman1
WonderWoman1: Hahaha
1 year ago Report
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield changed his profile picture: 3 years ago Report
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield: new toy to play with
3 years ago Report
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WonderWoman1
WonderWoman1: Awesome
2 years ago Report
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield: A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

The couple produce photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers raise concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.

"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills."

Then the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

"Our nanny is a certified expert in paediatric care, welfare, and diet," the circus couple explained.

The social workers are finally satisfied.

They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"

"It doesn't really matter, as long the kid fits in the cannon."
2 years ago Report Link
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield changed his profile picture: 4 years ago Report
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WonderWoman1
WonderWoman1 in reply to alanatenfield: Woohooo
3 years ago Report
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brandiesbard
brandiesbard: Your green thumb is showing Alan
3 years ago Report
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield: had me worried what I was showing Brands lol
3 years ago Report
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Happy Go Lucky lass
Happy Go Lucky lass: Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones.. and all the very for 2016... bless ya..
3 years ago Report Link
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield: Don't know if you guys have heard but mickey mouse is divorcing Minnie!

Well the judge was reading through the case papers, when he looks up and says to Mickey
"Well Mickey I don't see that Minnie having Buck Teeth is sufficient grounds for divorce!

But your honour says Mickey interrupting
I never said Minnie had Buck Teeth
I said she was F***ing Goofy !.
3 years ago Report Link
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Happy Go Lucky lass
Happy Go Lucky lass: haha Aln this is funny lol
3 years ago Report
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Happy Go Lucky lass 3 years ago Report
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Angel131313
Angel131313: Cherish everyday u can ***Keep*Smilin***
4 years ago Report Link
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Angel131313
Angel131313: Please stay safe Miss wraps her around your place.
4 years ago Report
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D161t4L_K405 4 years ago Report
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Angel131313
Angel131313: Miss hopes the storms have passed by without any harm
4 years ago Report
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Angel131313
Angel131313: Miss flyin by 2 say have an Awesomest day
4 years ago Report Link
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield: and who am I to argue with an Angel
4 years ago Report
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Angel131313
Angel131313: Nope Miss will win everytime
4 years ago Report
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Angel131313
Angel131313: ***Keep*Smilin***
4 years ago Report Link
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield: So Cute
4 years ago Report
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Angel131313
Angel131313: Darnit please let Miss out 2 get that birdie
4 years ago Report Link
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield: come on spend some money and get them a TV set
4 years ago Report
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Angel131313
Angel131313: only if Miss had any.
4 years ago Report
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield added a new image to his gallery My Images 4 years ago Report
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Angel131313 4 years ago Report
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield: so you think I've screwed up my chances of a knighthood then !
4 years ago Report
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Angel131313 4 years ago Report
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Angel131313
Angel131313: Miss hope ur feeling better
4 years ago Report Link
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Angel131313
Angel131313: ***Keep*Smilin***
4 years ago Report Link
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield: thanks angel had to go to the dentist today lol
4 years ago Report
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Angel131313
Angel131313:
░B░I░G░ ░H░U░G░S░ ░F░O░R░ ░Y░O░U░
ƸӜƷ.•°*”*°•.ƸӜƷ.•°*”˜★˜”*°•.ƸӜƷ.•°*”*°•.ƸӜƷ Aww Miss hopes your feeling better I know all too well on that I keep losing them year ago had to have 3 pulled at one time then within a week another one shattered had it taken out & root cancel do not work on me I've been in teeth pain for awhile again.
4 years ago Report
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield has a new blog post: e mail's 4 years ago Report
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Angel131313
Angel131313: Miss had read that before but......she did sent wrong message to a friend but it was just a funny hahaah so she & I laughed it off another funny thing Miss does is type to fast so make new words all the time & my gal friend has a new name from Miss coming up on 3 years known her you always know when u have a friend for life ***Keep*Smilin***
4 years ago Report
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield to CatcherAl: just a tiddler Al
4 years ago Report Link
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CatcherAl
CatcherAl: Wow, lovely looking common Alan. It looks to be in perfect condition too. Can't wait to get out there myself this year. Fingers crossed here lol. Take care, love to Carole.
4 years ago Report
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield to Snerkmaiden: wishing you and the girls a very merry christmas
7 years ago Report Link
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ladymignon
ladymignon: This comment has been deleted
8 years ago Report Link
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield to brandiesbard: Just shift your butt back to the lounge where your mates are all waiting for you!
9 years ago Report Link
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield to Snerkmaiden: wellcome back snerkie
9 years ago Report Link
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield to barnestorming_girl: A friend is like a flower,
a rose to be exact,

Or maybe like a brand new gate
that never comes unlatched.

A friend is like an owl,
both beautiful and wise.

Or perhaps a friend is like a ghost,
whose spirit never dies.

A friend is like a heart that goes
strong until the end.

Where would we be in this world
if we didn't have a friend.
10 years ago Report Link
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alanatenfield
alanatenfield to lumu81: A friend is like a flower,
a rose to be exact,

Or maybe like a brand new gate
that never comes unlatched.

A friend is like an owl,
both beautiful and wise.

Or perhaps a friend is like a ghost,
whose spirit never dies.

A friend is like a heart that goes
strong until the end.

Where would we be in this world
if we didn't have a friend.
10 years ago Report Link
0
alanatenfield
alanatenfield to barnestorming_girl: Awwww thanks babe
10 years ago Report Link
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barnestorming_girl
barnestorming_girl: A friend is someone who cares
Someone who is always there

A friend is someone special
Someone who you can tell everything

A friend is someone who will never betray you
No matter who doesn't like you

A friend is someone you can trust
Someone kind of like you
10 years ago Report Link
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