I'm a by^$% sigh

Had an ex boyfriend of mine tell me I'm mean yesterday. It would have been a compliment if I was actually trying to be mean. Since our break up I tried to be nothing but nice - a real entity of undying love and patience.

So I'm mean - and I still try to figure out what I did to cause someone to come to such an opinion. So I've come up with a list as to why he would day I'm mean. Here's my list.

1)I did not adhere to my cardinal rule of "never having residual relationships with ex boyfriends

2) I have tried to be caring and understanding and non reproachful when he divulged some of the more colourful parts of our relationship. Granted that does not always happen

3) I sort to help him in his "journey to self awareness"

4) I smiled and said okay sweetie when ever something he said or did hurt me the most

5) I have genuinely tried to be a friend to him no matter how many times he tries to hurt and embarrass me

So as another of my friends once said to me "that God put eyes at the front of your head so you can look forward not back"

I concede that I am a real b%&@$ and I have - given the facts - only sought to discomfort this poor soul. And I am reminded of a poem I read once which reflects how awful that one statement made me feel. Maybe it's time a carriage stops for me.

Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.

We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.

We passed the school, where children strove
At recess, in the ring;
We passed the fields of gazing grain,
We passed the setting sun.

Or rather, he passed us;
The dews grew quivering and chill,
For only gossamer my gown,
My tippet only tulle.

We paused before a house that seemed
A swelling of the ground;
The roof was scarcely visible,
The cornice but a mound.

Since then 'tis centuries, and yet each
Feels shorter than the day
I first surmised the horses' heads
Were toward eternity.

Trying to get to my core

TODAY I HAVE DECIDED TO LET GO.
Let go all the things I cannot change and maybe accept some of the stuff that is offered to me because for the moment - maybe I can't get exactly what I want. At least I can get something!
Today I accept the fact that I'm human - nothing else. Not superhuman maybe very gifted in somethings but not Superhuman. Today I give up whatever complex be it a God complex or an inferiority complex or a hate complex.
Today I'm neither a power goddess nor a symbol of power. Today I am stipped.
TODAY I HOLD ON TO NOTHING.
TODAY I LOOK FORWARD TO EVERYTHING.
Today I am ME. For a while I will accept me and love me.