my problem with meditating

I think I probably do not just intentionally meditate enough to be able to go quickly and deeply into a meditative state of mind. Logically I think it should be easy to get there because it's not difficult to pay attention to one's deep breathing (or rather the subtle vibration making me breathe); and that is the basis of meditation. But when I have connected two fingers to a device that measures and shows me on a screen how close I am to actually being in that alpha state of consciousness, I find it usually takes much longer than I think it should. I suspect that may be because I am usually trying too hard, trying to force my mind there, when what is required is detachment from the outcome of the meditation. When I first learned to meditate I also learned how to see light with my pineal gland, in the forefront of my brain and controlling with a hormone all the other glands of my body; and I also learned to hear "celestial harmonies" using a secret technique to turn my sense of hearing inward as well. I remember some times when seeing that bright spiritual light and hearing the beautiful weaving sounds would cause me to become so amazed I would say to myself "Wow!", at which time my attention would immediately disconnect from that deep meditative state. Wanting that spiritual awareness of the oneness inside is needed so we practice meditation more; but being too attached to the outcome of the meditation is ironically quite counterproductive. Meditation causes a very peaceful feeling; which is not an anxiety about proficiency!

Integrity is wholeness, by Robinson Jeffers

Integrity is wholeness, the greatest beauty is organic wholeness, the wholeness of life and things, the divine beauty of the universe. Love that, not man apart from that, or else you will share man's pitiful confusions, or drown in despair when his days darken.
Robinson Jeffers
Such Counsels You Gave to Me (1935-'38)

One Day in the Woods, Part 1 at Stripcreator (thanks to Shadowslacker for showing this website).

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/cedarrrrock/574897