Geoff Offline

42 In a relationship Male from Exeter       420
 
A walking knowingly unashamed trope.

Geoff 
Geoff: So having it suggested earlier that you should eat something with a name, I've spent an uncomfortable afternoon being distracted from work and smirking at random.

So I am going to give up working for the day.
8 hours ago Report Link
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Corwin
Corwin: I'm reminded of a humorous anecdote (or two) from my past, if you care to read.

About 30 some odd years ago, Deb and I moved out of our city apartment and bought this big ol' house and property out in the country, where we live to this day.
Now, it should be mentioned, that I have farming in my blood -- Mennonite ancestry. It comes natural to me... Deb... not so much.

Our first year here, a couple of wild ducks were spending the Summer in our big ol' pond we have on our large acreage. So I was luring them to our bathroom window each morning and feeding them scraps of all of our stale bread.
The plan was -- fatten them up, and we'd have an awesome duck Christmas dinner.

The plan was going well... by the time Autumn and Winter rolled around, the two ducks were too fat to fly South. So they Wintered here. They kept a small circle of pond ice melted with their own body-heat, and came to the bathroom window each day for their meal of stale bread. They were fairly tamed at this point.
It would be a simple matter of tossing them their bread, and I had a high-power air-rifle -- I'd pop each one through the eyeball at point-blank. Easy peasy.

Here's where the plan breaks down... Deb "named" them... Huey and Luey.
When Christmas Eve rolled around, and I was loading the rifle, Deb ran outside and shooed them away shouting at them.
I was like, "Shit, Deb. That was our dinner."
The air-rifle wasn't powerful enough to kill them at a distance, and they were too spooked to come to the bathroom window anymore.

To end this story... without their daily meal of stale bread they were going hungry. They started strolling off in search of food, and both got flattened on the nearby highway. Despite the myth of rednecks enjoying "road-kill", a duck that has been run over several times by trucks does NOT a good meal make.

The moral of this story? ..... NEVER "name" your food.



I was somewhat disappointed that "hobby-farming" was not going to be an option for me. I had also planned to buy a suckling pig to fatten up. I could pick one of those up nearby in the Spring for about $30, build a pen out back, feed it table-scraps (or just about anything), and in the Fall you've turned compost into about 100 lbs of tasty pork.
My Mennonite genes... we live in the country... this is what you DO.
I had an uncle with a hobby-farm, and I remember watching him make slop for the pigs... they're omnivores and can eat just about anything... and the pork ends up SO much more tasty than any store-bought pork that's "line-fed". The more varied their diet, the more flavorful the meat becomes. My mouth waters just thinking about it.

But I could predict the outcome... Deb would "name" the pig (they ARE pretty cute when they're little)... forbid me to butcher it... and in a year or two's time we'd have a 600 lb "pet" eating us out of house and home.
Those things get BIG, and have a voracious appetite.


I had a friend (the bassist in my band) who bought an acreage not far from me. He was a born city-dweller, but he indulged in a few "barnyard" type pets... he had this goat (I can't remember what he named it -- you don't name food) ... after a few years he realized that a goat wasn't a very practical pet (they eat a lot), and wanted to find it a new home.
I said, "Shit, man. I'LL take that off your hands."
He says, "SCREW THAT! You're just gonna EAT it."
And I'm like, "Well, YEAH!"
6 hours ago Report
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Geoff
Geoff in reply to Corwin: I LITERALLY wrote a short story on this topic a couple of years back.

However, it was a daughter not a wife doing the naming.

geoff
6 hours ago Report
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Corwin
Corwin: Love it.
5 hours ago Report
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Geoff 
Geoff: Good news to wake up to.

Rot in jail you murdering cunt.
18 hours ago Report Link
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Arimyr
Arimyr: Here's hoping he gets repeatedly stabbed.
Either with sharp pointy metal sticks or sharp pointy meat sticks, both are acceptable
11 hours ago Report
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Geoff
Geoff in reply to Arimyr: AFAIK, police in US prisons are kept away from the general population.
11 hours ago Report
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AndrewNeverSleeps
AndrewNeverSleeps: He'll probably be out of gen pop, yes. My theory - since his actions caused such a massive response - is he ends up at Supermax Florence in Colorado - where they store the worst if the worst and you have zero interaction with any other inmates - for his own safety at some point. Some non-federal inmates end up there for their own protection, which - let's face it - this human pincushion is gonna need.
9 hours ago Report
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Geoff 
Geoff: FSotD
Why don't Aldi create a caterpillar cake and put it in full bondage gear. Then use the tag line "This isn't just any caterpillar cake, this is an S&M caterpillar cake".

---

I don't normally provide any context for FSotD, but in this case I think it needs it.

A staple of the British High Street is Marks & Spencer, which sells both clothing and food, mostly its own label an marketed as being of higher quality than standard supermarket fare. They commonly abbreviate their name to M&S (the general public commonly abbreviates their name to Marks & Sparks, but that's not relevant).

They have recently been in an infringement fight with Aldi (a German supermarket chain which is very popular in the UK for their low prices) who M&S claim has stolen the concept of a popular caterpillar cake design.

M&S's advertising slogan for a couple of decades been based on the formula of "This isn't just any X, this is a Marks & Spencer X."

I know jokes are ruined when you have to explain them, but I felt that I should give some background to my choice for FSotD for those unfamiliar with the vagaries of British supermarkets.
12 hours ago Report Link
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Arimyr
Arimyr: Personally, if the explanation is done well, it makes the joke funnier and better for me
11 hours ago Report
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Halfapintdoll
Halfapintdoll: Except every other UK supermarket has a caterpillar cake. Waitrose’s offering also having a very similar face to M&S’s Colin. Why are M&S not suing Waitrose? I wonder (I don’t wonder ... this feels very much like a class thing, intended or otherwise).
10 hours ago Report
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AndrewNeverSleeps
AndrewNeverSleeps: This was........ educational.
9 hours ago Report
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Geoff 
Geoff changed his profile picture: 14 hours ago Report
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Geoff 
Geoff added a new image to his gallery My Images 14 hours ago Report
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Geoff 
1 day ago Report Link
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Geoff 
Geoff: Urgh.
1 day ago Report Link
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Malty_
Malty_: Double urgh
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Rice Rice Baby
Rice Rice Baby: Just read the post. Urgh is right
1 day ago Report
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Shy_stargirl
Shy_stargirl: Urgh here too
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Geoff 
Geoff: There was a box in my spare room, that has been there for three years now. I believed it was full of my daughter's stuff. So I called her and asked when she was going to pick it up.

She denied it was her's. So I opened it.

Turns out, I didn't lose half of my Pratchett books. I also found a whole stack of CDs.

Vic asked what music it was.

Me: "Classic and 90's rock mostly."

Vic: "So... just classic rock."

Me: "Listen here, you little shit..."
2 days ago Report Link
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Shy_stargirl
Shy_stargirl in reply to AndrewNeverSleeps: I’ve listening to pearl jam a lot during quarantine on heavy rotation and learning about their prime days
1 day ago Report
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Aura
Aura: Just as my parents raised me on 60s music, I am raising my kids on 90s music.
Yesterday evening all I had to say was "I aaaaam..."
And Kris promptly responded "smelling like the rose that somebody gave me on my birthday deathbed"
1 day ago Report
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Shy_stargirl
Shy_stargirl in reply to Aura: I approve
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Geoff 
Geoff: British people talking about "4/20" irritate me.

We don't write dates like that. We don't use police codes like that. Stop appropriating American culture.
1 day ago Report Link
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Malty_
Malty_: Everyday should be a weed day.... Says the person without bud
1 day ago Report
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Malty_
Malty_: Also Americans are so confusing with their backwards dates, farenheit and ridiculous units of measurement.
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BAD_WOLF__
BAD_WOLF__: You just dont understand freedom and liberty.
1 day ago Report
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Geoff 
Geoff: :/
How is it already 15:00?

Yesterday it was later than I thought all day. Today it seems like I should be starting to cook dinner already.

Fuck you temporal perception!
1 day ago Report Link
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Halfapintdoll
Halfapintdoll: 16:20 now!
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Geoff 
Geoff:

Richard Dawkins (rightly, in my opinion) gets his award from the AHA revoked for being a transphobic twat. Cue TERFs and bigots on Twitter going into circlejerks of indignation.
1 day ago Report Link
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Rice Rice Baby
Rice Rice Baby: What he posted about?
1 day ago Report
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Geoff
Geoff in reply to Rice Rice Baby: He was comparing Rachel Dolezal (the white woman who lied that she was black) with transgender people.

He then doubled down when it was pointed out that there is no racial equivalent of gender dysphoria.
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Geoff 
Geoff changed his profile picture: 1 day ago Report
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wave555
wave555: Cool! You're looking similar a big poet we had here in Portugal.His name is Fernando Pessoa. you may also heard to talk about...
26 days ago Report
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Shy_stargirl
Shy_stargirl: Nice hat
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justme0123
justme0123: that hat is everything!
25 days ago Report
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Geoff 
Geoff: Woo hoo! Season 2 of Love, Death and Robots next month.
2 days ago Report Link
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Malty_
Malty_: I really enjoyed season 1.
2 days ago Report
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Arimyr
Arimyr: Just saw the trailer!

And there's a new Resident Evil netflix series coming too!
(And did you watch Dota: Dragons Blood yet?)
1 day ago Report
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Geoff 
Geoff: Morrissey losing his shit at the Simpsons taking the piss out of him being a racist piece of crap is probably funnier than the episode he's fuming about.
2 days ago Report Link
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AndrewNeverSleeps
AndrewNeverSleeps: Morrissey sucks. Overrated twat.
2 days ago Report
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Geoff 
Geoff: This is an idea which is 12 months late.
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AndrewNeverSleeps
AndrewNeverSleeps: I'd be the one who ends up in the middle of the turnpike in my underwear yelling at every car that goes by because I think they're the cat bus from "My Neighbor Totoro". AND I'd get COVID.
2 days ago Report
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s_t_o_n_e_y
s_t_o_n_e_y: Sometimes the dragons sing me lullabies
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Finger5
Finger5: Sounds perfectly reasonable to me
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Geoff 
Geoff: An arm of the United Nations has condemned the “shocking” Race Commission report ordered by Boris Johnson and called for the body to be scrapped.

The widely-criticised study is attacked for “ignoring racial disparities” and for “shifting the blame for the impacts of racism to the people most impacted by it”.

“In 2021, it is stunning to read a report on race and ethnicity that repackages racist tropes and stereotypes into fact, twisting data and misapplying statistics and studies, say experts from the UN Human Rights Council.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/united-nations-experts-condemn-shocking-race-report-and-call-for-commission-to-be-scrapped-b1833671.html
2 days ago Report Link
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Geoff
Geoff: Given the absence of hatstand, I will have to say it on his behalf;

The world (and in particular the UK government) is full of cunts and they are breathing my air.
2 days ago Report
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Geoff 
Geoff: **sigh** An no, this isn't a piss take. This is an actual story in the Express and the image they chose to illustrate it.
2 days ago Report Link
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Geoff 
Geoff: You know, I kinda miss working on websites directly.

The most rewarding part of my job was making sure sites worked properly. Fixing issues with asynchronous loading, optimising how scripts and style sheets were called, and particularly ensuring that tracking user conversions was properly carried out.

I don't mean tracking individuals and seeing exactly what they're doing. The risks of a GDPR violation are significant enough that nobody can risk doing that even if they did care that much about individual users. My job was making sure that we could tell how many users from different traffic sources (organic search, PPC, social media, email campaigns, etc) were actually buy what our clients had to sell.

That's still a significant part of my job, but the difference now is that I usually don't have direct access to edit the website to fix any problems or even access to the server's log files to diagnose the exact nature of the problem in the first place. And I am dealing with sites made by many different people, all of which are done in slightly different ways. And I have to explain to them what steps to take to fix it, based on incomplete data.

So, what was the most rewarding part of my job a few years ago is now the single most frustrating part of my job.
2 days ago Report Link
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Aura
Aura:
that must be annoying. But I'm sure you'll get to make websites directly again soon
2 days ago Report
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Geoff 
Geoff: Help! Help!

I cooked that lasagne to perfection and then ate too much of it.

Now I can't get up from my chair.

Well... I suppose if I tried, I could, but I really don't want to.
3 days ago Report Link
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s_t_o_n_e_y
s_t_o_n_e_y: You pulled a Garfield.
3 days ago Report
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Malty_
Malty_: Muhuahaha tomorrow you're gonna be like "I hate Mondays"
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Shy_stargirl
Shy_stargirl: Sounds good
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Geoff got the Cheesy badge from BAD_WOLF__ 3 days ago Report
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Geoff
Geoff: (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°☞ You know it.
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Geoff
Geoff: Riggin friggin wire screwing up my ASCII emotes.
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BAD_WOLF__
BAD_WOLF__: All that lasagna doesn't help
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Geoff 
Geoff changed his profile picture: 3 days ago Report
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Geoff 
Geoff: A data breach at a Christian crowdfunding website has revealed that serving police officers and public officials have donated money to fundraisers for accused vigilante murderers, far-right activists, and fellow officers accused of shooting black Americans.

In many of these cases, the donations were attached to their official email addresses, raising questions about the use of public resources in supporting such campaigns.

The breach, shared with journalists by transparency group Distributed Denial of Secrets, revealed the details of some donors who had previously attempted to conceal their identities using GiveSendGo’s anonymity feature, but whose identifying details the website preserved.

The beneficiaries of donations from public officials include Kyle Rittenhouse, who stands accused of murdering two leftwing protesters in Kenosha, Wisconsin, last August. Rittenhouse traveled from neighboring Illinois to, by his own account, offer armed protection to businesses during protests over the police shooting of Jacob Blake.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/apr/16/us-police-officers-public-officials-crowdfunding-website-data-breach

---

"Christian"
4 days ago Report Link
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Geoff
Geoff: I am all for genuine justice. Don't get me wrong.

But seeing such donations from public servants for a cause célèbre of the far right is very worrying.
4 days ago Report
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Nicotina
Nicotina in reply to Geoff: Do I like it? No. Do I think it ought to be legal? Yes.
One caveat being that the donations are done as individuals. Holding a fundraiser as part of a work group activity ought not be tolerated.
4 days ago Report
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Nicotina
Nicotina: After giving this additional thought my conclusion is that the police need to be seen as neutral and to maintain that neutrality the department policy ought to be that police are not to donate to a legal fund.
Thank you for the post and comments.
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Geoff 
Geoff: Random Vulcan Admiral: "Nobody wants to go to Cardassia Prime. The Cardassians are creeping everybody out."
4 days ago Report Link
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Geoff 
Geoff: The Weekly Knob is a collection of golden, buttery, crunchy goodness.

https://theweeklyknob.com/the-weekly-knob-prompt-is-here-245-1e65f0f209ff
4 days ago Report Link
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