Cucumbers VS Men

1. The average cucumber is at least 6 inches long.
2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
3. Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.
4. Cucumbers don't get too excited.
5. Cucumbers never suffer from performance anxiety.
6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
7. You can fondle a cucumber in a supermarket.... and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
8. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
9. With a cucumber you can get a single room.... and you won't have to check-in as Mrs. Cucumber.
10. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
11. You can go to a movie with a cucumber.... and see the movie.
12. You can go to a drive-in with a cucumber.... and you can stay in the front seat.
13. With a cucumber you can always wait until you get home.
14. A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn.... or send you out for Milk Duds.
15. A cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film Festival.
16. A cucumber won't ask: "Am I the first?".
17. A cucumber doesn't care if you're a virgin.
18. Cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin.
19. Cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin anymore.
20. With a cucumber you don't have to be a virgin more than once.
21. Cucumbers can handle rejection.
22. Cucumbers won't pout if you have a headache.
23. Cucumbers won't care what time of the month it is.
24. Cucumbers never want to get it on when your nails are wet.
25. Cucumbers won't give it up for Lent.
26. With a cucumber you never have to say you're sorry.
27. Afterwards, a cucumber won't: ...want to shake hands and be friends.
28. ...say, "I'll call you a cab".
29. ...tell you he's not the marrying kind.
30. ...tell you he is the marrying kind.
31. ...call his ex-wife or therapist.
32. ...take you to confession.
33. Cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month.
34. Cucumbers won't make you go to the drugstore.
35. Cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.
36. A cucumber a day keeps the OB-GYN away.
37. A cucumber won't work your crossword with ink.
38. A cucumber isn't allergic to your cat.
39. With a cucumber you don't have to play Florence Nightingale during the Flu season.
40. Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car.
41. A cucumber won't eat all your food or drink all your liquor.
42. A cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library.
43. A cucumber won't go through your medicine chest.
44. A cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on, or hairspray.
45. Cucumbers won't leave hair on the sink or a ring in the tub.
46. Cucumbers won't write your name and number on the men's room wall.
47. Cucumbers don't have swx hang-ups.
48. Cucumbers won't make you wear kinky clothes or go to bed with your boots on.
49. Cucumbers aren't into rope & leather, talking dirty, or swinging with fruits & nuts.
50. You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.
51. You can eat cucumbers when you feel like it.
52. Cucumbers never need a round of applause.
53. Cucumbers won't ask: "Am I the best? How was it? Did you come? How many times?"
54. Cucumbers aren't jealous of your Gynecologist, Ski Instructor, or Hair Dresser.
55. A cucumber won't want to join your sports group.
56. A cucumber never wants to improve your mind.
57. Cucumbers aren't into meaningful conversations.
58. Cucumbers won't ask about your Last Lover.... or speculate about your next one.
59. A cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator.
60. A cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother is over.
61. No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh cucumber.
62. Cucumbers don't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest, or drool on the pillow.
63. A cucumber won't give you a hickey.
64. Cucumbers can stay up ALL night.... and you won't have to sleep on the wet spot.
65. Cucumbers don't leave dirty shorts on the floor.
66. A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet.
67. A cucumber doesn't flush the toilet while you are taking a shower.
68. With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.
69. Cucumbers don't compare you to a center fold.
70. Cucumbers don't count to 10.
71. Cucumbers don't tell you they liked you better with long hair.
72. A cucumber will never leave you ... for another woman.
73. ...for another man.
74. ...for another cucumber.
75. A cucumber will never call and say "I have to work late, Honey", and then come home smelling like another woman.
76. A cucumber never snaps your bra, pinches your butt, or gives you a snuggy.
77. You always know where a cucumber has been.
78. A cucumber never has to call "the wife".
79. Cucumbers never have mid-life crises.
80. A cucumber won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
81. Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find themselves.
82. You won't find out later that your cucumber ... is married.
83. ...is on penicillin.
84. ...likes you - but loves your brother.
85. A cucumber doesn't have softball practice on the day you move.
86. Cucumbers never tell you what they did on R&R.
87. A cucumber won't ask for a promotion just when you're up for a promotion.
88. Cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do.
89. Cucumbers won't wear a leisure suit to your office Christmas party.
90. A cucumber won't leave town on New Year's Eve.
91. A cucumber won't take you to disco and dump you for a flashy outfit.
92. Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom.
93. A cucumber doesn't care if you always spent the holidays with your family.
94. A cucumber won't ask to be put through Med School.
95. A cucumber won't tell you he's outgrown you intellectually.
96. Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.
97. Cucumbers don't say "Let's keep trying until we have a boy".
98. It's easy to drop a cucumber.
99. A cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement, or seek custody of anything.

For all my friends

hey friends

im not on much lately, cause i have a second job..i work as bartender at nights and as soon as i finish work there, i go home, sleep for 2 hours and then i go to my second job at a breakfast place lol...and this happens 6 days a week...in 6 weeks my bf from US will come to visit me, so i want to save as much money as possible so as to have plenty of free time to spend with him then
i miss all of u and i dont want u to think that i forgot u or that i decided to leave wireclub...because i intend to come back as soon as i can
if anyone wants to keep contact, they can message me and ask for my email...i will give it, because i check my mailbox at least 1nce a day......soooooooooooo, wish me courage with my 2 job thing (its exhausting) and see u soon my darlings


mwahzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Ersie

Philosophy of a lifetime

Philosophy of a lifetime...!!!!



This text was written by a 90 year old lady, Regina Brett, former journalist in Cleveland, Ohio


«Once i wrote in the newspaper the 44 things that life taught me, to celebrate my birthday. It was the most successful article i had ever written:



1. Life is not fair, but even so, its beautiful.





2. When you doubt about sth, just take the next small step.






3. Life is too short to spend it on hating.






4. If u get sick, your job wont take care of you. Your friends and family will take care of you. Dont be a stranger.




5. Pay your credit cards every month




6. You dont have to win every conflict. Just agree by disagreeing.




7. Cry with somebudy else. Its easier to recover than if u cry alone.




8. Its ok to get angry with god. He can handle it




9. Save for your retirement from your first salary.




10. Any resistance against chocolate is in vain.




11. Accept your past so that your present wont destroy you.




12. Its ok if your children see you crying. Let them do it.




13. Stop comparing your life with the life of others. You have no idea what their journey may mean..




14. If a relationship should be kept secret, then you should not keep it.




15. Everything can change in a blink of an eye. But dont worry. God doesnt blink.




16. Take a deep breath. Its mind soothing.




17. Get rid of everything that is not useful, beuatiful, or full of joy.




18. What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger indeed.




19. Its never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second time its solely up to you.




20. When it comes to pursuing the things you love in life, dont accept no as an answer.




21. Light up the candles, use your best sheets, put on your expensive underwear. Dont save them for special occasions. Every day is a special occasion.




22. Be prepared for everything. And then follow the current.




23. Be an eccentrc right now. Dont wait ur pension to wear purple!




24. Nobody is responsible for your hapiness but you.




25. In every so called *disaster* think : *Will that matter in 5 years?*.




26. Always choose life.




27. Forgive everything to everyone.




28. What other ppl believe for you its none of your business.




29. Time heals almost everything. Give time to time.




30. Όσο καλή ή κακή κι αν είναι μια κατάσταση, θα αλλάξει.




31. Dont take yourself so seriously. Nobody else does.




32. Believe in miracles.




33. God loves you because you are who you are, not for the things that you did or didnt do.




34. Dont watch life. Go out and live it to the fullest right now.




35. Growing old is better than its alternative: dying young




36. Your children will live only one childhood.




37. The only thing that matters, if you come in the bottom of this, is that you loved.




38. Go out every day. Miracles are everywhere.




39. If each one of threw his problems on a pile side by side, we would end up taking our own back.




40. Jealousy is a waste of time. You already have everything you need.




41. The best things are yet to come




42. No matter what mood your are in, get up, get dressed and go where you have to go.




43. Give in




44. Life doesnt come wrapped in a package, but its still a gift.

dictionary....

Dictionary..


ARCHITECT:
A guy who is not masculine
enough to be a mechanic,
but either is he fz#&~x enough
to be a stylist



POLICE:
What comes after the
battle and collects
the wounded


FOOTBALL:
It is the thing to which
women get
married without even
realizing.

DIPLOMAT:
The one who tells u
to f%xw off in a way that
makes u sooo eager to
do it

FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
Its the expert that will know
tomorrow for what reason
his today predictions
didnt come to pass.

S%*$:
Its the woman who
has the sexual
behavior of
a man

QUANTUM PHYSICIST:
Its a blind man in a
dark room who searches
for a black cat, therefore for
sth that doesnt exist.

HARDWARE:
Its this part of the pc
that receives our beating,
when software starts having
problems.

INDIFFERENCE:
Its the behavior of a woman
towards a man that doesnt
interest her, and it can be also
translated as *shes playing it
hard to get*


WISE MAN:
A person capable of
thinking more than 2 hours
in a row sth that
hasnt sth to do with
swy

TEAM
WORK:
The opportunity
to blame it on
someone
else

HEADCHE:
Birth control that
was widely used from
women in the 90's

MONOGAMOUS:
A supressed polygamous

NANOSECOND:
A fraction of the time
between the moment that
the green light will turn on
and the first horn blow
from the vehicle
behind u.

NYMPHO:
Term used by men
to characterize a
woman who wants to
have s@$ more
often than them

PESSIMIST:
An optimist with experience

WHO, HOW AND WHY THEY ARE WATCHING US....!!!!!!!!!!

WHO, HOW AND WHY THEY ARE WATCHING US....!!!!!!!!!!
.






If anyone thinks that he can hide, then now its the time to wake up from his.....deep SLEEP!!!!!
Technology, is VERY VERY advanced and SOME PPL USE IT....NOT EVERYBODY.
This is a photograph from the american presidents inaguration in which u can see THE FACE OF EACH PERSON THAT WAS ATTENDING THE INAGURATION SEPERATELY AND CLEARLY!!!!!
u can click on any part of the photograph....wait for a few seconds for the ZOOM to clear, and u will see anyone u want just like U WERE THE ONE TAKING THE PHOTOGRAPH!!!!!!!
This picture was taken with a ROBOT with a 1474 megapixel camera!!!!!!!!!!!!!







( that is, 295 times the 5 megapixel that our common camera has ).........
And of course,the question that automatically comes in our minds is.............
WHO IS WATCHING US RIGHT NOW????????????
and if they allow us to see sth like that, then







WHAT ELSE, MAYBE MUCH MORE SCARY THEY HIDE FROM US, WHILE THEY ALREADY USE IT???????
Click on the link

http://gigapan.org/viewGigapanFullscreen.php?auth=033ef14483ee*******48c2b4b06233c

*MISSING NUMBERS FROM THE LINK ARE 8 9 9 4 9 6 6

Happy...

...because jess will have his passport in a few days

87 out of 131

Level 1
(x ) Smoked A Cigarette
(x ) Smoked A Cigar
( ) Kissed A Member Of The Same S~@
(x) Drank Alcohol


Level 2
(x) Are / Been In Love
(x) Been Dumped
( ) Shoplifted
(x) Been Fired
( ) Been In A Fist Fight



Level 5
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(x) Skipped School
(x) Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Something Die (does bugs count?)


Level 7
(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your w/c Friends
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To Spain
(x) Been On A Plane
(x) Thrown Up From Drinking


Level 10
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding/Skiing
( ) Met Someone Because Of Facebook
( ) Been in a Mosh Pit


Level 12
(x) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers
(x) Love/loved Someone Who You Cant Have
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(x) Made A Snow Angel

-17-

Level 17
( ) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
( ) Gone Mudding
(x) Played Dress Up Plays and Stuff


Level 21
( ) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
( ) Gone Sledging
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game
(x) Been Lonely
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School


Level 26
(x) Watched The Sun Set
(x) Felt An Earthquake (in sweden actually hahaha)
( ) Killed A Snake



Level 28
(x) Been Tickled
(x) Been Robbed / Vandalized
(x) Been cheated on
(x) Been Misunderstood - all the time

-31-

Level 31
(x) Won A Contest
( ) Been Suspended From School
(x) Had Detention - ONCE! n i was 7 or 8
(x) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident


Level 33
( ) Had / Have Braces
( ) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Danced in the moonlight


Level 35
(x) Hated The Way You Look
(x) Witnessed A Crime
(x) Pole Danced Bus Stop Times
(x) Questioned Your Heart
( ) Been obsessed with post-it-notes


Level 39
( ) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud - i was drunk haha !
(x) Been Lost
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
( ) Swam In The Ocean
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying (i wasnt even close tho haha)

-43-

Level 43
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins


Level 48
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(x) Made Prank Phone Calls
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(x) Kissed In The Rain



Level 52
( ) Written A Letter To Santa
(x) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere (all the time when we're on the beach)



Level 56
(x) Crashed A Party
( ) Have Travelled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
( ) Gone Roller-skating / Blading
(x) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey

-60-

Level 60
(x) Worn Pearls
( ) Jumped Off A Bridge
(x) Shouted in public
( ) Swam With Dolphins



Level 62
( ) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube
( ) Kissed A Fish (i was a kid ok!)
(x) Worn The Opposite S@%'s Clothes
(x) Sat On A Roof Top




Level 65
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
( ) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 4 Hours
(x) Recently stayed up for a while, talking to someone you care about



Level 69
( ) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(x) Climbed A Tree
( ) Had/Been In A Tree House
(x) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

-73-

Level 73
(x) Believed In Ghosts
( ) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
( ) Gone Streaking
( ) Visited Jail



Level 76
( ) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
(x) Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused - Always


Level 79
(x) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
(x) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried
( ) Cried So Hard You Laughed



Level 83
(x) Mooned/Flashed Someone - guilty, both! hahaaha (i had a bra on tho, but he was a complete stranger)
(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(x) Cheated On A Test
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name
(x) Gone Skinny Dipping
( ) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(X) Tried to hurt yourself



Level 89
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkelling
(x) Had A Cavity
(x) Black-Mailed Someone
(x) Been Black Mailed

-93-

Level 93
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs -
( ) Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone



Level 97
( ) Been shot at/or at gunpoint (air rifle tho hahaha)
( ) Had sz@ outside
( ) Flattened someone’s tires (cus the f&$~x@ didnt have a car)
( ) Rode your bike/Driven your car until the fuel light came on
(x) Got five pounds or less worth of fuel (on my mums moped)

TOTAL: 100

Re-post this with the title " I've done (Number of Things) Out of 131 Stupid Things " and tag at least 10 people to continue the chain.

yet another wannabe e-lover

i admire his persistense tho lmaoooo


jakovisok Sent: 18 minutes ago
hi, hows going?
nice photos ! great cleavage !! if i may observe
tell me, you ever heard of BDSM?

hellenic_light Sent: 17 minutes ago
no, i havent heard about BDSM, as i just came down from planet mars

jakovisok Sent: 16 minutes ago
hahaha, i love your attitude... so how much do you know about it?

hellenic_light Sent: 15 minutes ago
i just said...i know nothing, we little green ppl dont know about these things, we are reproducing with seeds

jakovisok Sent: 15 minutes ago
do you stell breastfeed thou?

hellenic_light Sent: 11 minutes ago
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM..here u can find anything u want about BDSM

and i dont breastfeed since, as i already told u, im a little green person which reproduces with seeds

jakovisok Sent: 10 minutes ago
so, have a man these days?

hellenic_light Sent: 10 minutes ago
these days and these nights

jakovisok Sent: 9 minutes ago
whats your name hellenic venus?

hellenic_light Sent: 9 minutes ago
my name is John Rambo, nice meeting ya

More Jokes

Adam asks god
-Father, why did u make Eve so tender and smooth?
-so that u will like her, my son
-Father, why did u make Eve so beautiful?
-so that u will like her, my son
-Father, why did make Eve so effin stupid??
-so that she will like u, my son

Little Jimmy goes to the doctors and he sees a little girl crying
-Why do u cry??
-Because i want to have a blood test and my brother told me that they will cut off a piece of my finger to draw the blood
Then Jimmy starts to cry like he has never cried b4
-Now, why do u cry??
-Omg, omg, im here for an urine test!!

Kids to their father
-Daddy, daddy, will u take us to the circus??
-Absolutely not! Whoever wants to see u must come here!

Jimmy calls the butchers
-*The juicy steak* how can i help u?
-Do u have beef legs?
-Yes
-Do u have sheep head??
-Of course
-Do u have swine belly??
-But yes
-Damn, u must really look like a monster!

-Do u say ur prayers b4 u eat ur dinner Jimmy??
-No need sir, my mom is a great cook

Baby snake asks his mother
-Mommy, are we poisonous??
-Why??
-I just bit my tongue

Baby brother to Jimmy
-Yimmy, will u 'ive me thlee apples?
-I aint giving u shit!
-But why?
-If u dont say three instead of thlee, u get no apples
-Fine...'ive me five..

Teacher asks from the students to write a story which will contain the terms religion, aristocracy, love and mystery. Jimmy gives his paper not more than 5 minutes later. Astonished, the teacher, asks from him to read his story to the classroom
*Oh my God (religion), said the princess (aristocracy), im pregnant (love) and i dont know by whom (mystery)

Joke Shots

I cant find joy anywhere!
Did u try her cell phone?

Why god created the man b4 the woman?
Because he firstly expiremented, and then he presented true results

Where can u find new years day bfore christmas?
In the dictionary

How many years does a mouse live?
It depends on the speed of the cat

What do u give to an elephant that suffers from dharrea?
A lot of space

Why chinese ppl eat more rice than japanese?
They are more

Why cats learn to see in the dark?
They couldnt reach the switch

What is grey and is not there?
A missing elephant

Why the family sits in front of the tv?
If they sat behind, they wouldnt see anything

-Doctor, i think im addicted to the internet
-Log off the chatroom and come by my office

How canniibals call a man who runs?
Fast Food

Why bars in outer space are never busy?
They serve great drinks but they lack the atmosphere

Which wheel never moves when we drive a car in a 180 degrees turn?
The spare tire

Why mathematics are so sad??
They have so many problems..

What will we get if we breed a kangaroo with an elephant?
Holes all over Australia

What were the last words of Tarzan?
Who put motor oil on my rooooooooooooooooopeeeeeeeeeeeee