a memory we will never forget

when i first knew you ,you lit up my heart
i knew that id love u right from the start
when i first heard your little heart beat
i couldn't wait for the time we would meet

i carried u proudly through every day
i knew that my aches would soon go away
you did show some signs u were in distress
But the nurses found nothing and i was a mess

I told u be strong hold on with all your might
And for 3 months u held on so tight
but things didn't happen the way that they should
but i know that u held on with all that u could..

your perfect my love and we miss u so much
all i longed for was your loving touch
and now that your gone, it breaks my heart
I know that were really never apart

One day ill be with you and the first thing ill do
Is give u big kisses and i will squeeze u
But for now sleep tight sweetheart, and wherever u go
mommy and daddy love u more than u know..

R.I.P Jake our beautiful son 7/7/2013


"And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you"

For you my love...mommy and daddy will always love u

Never give up.

One man....
A man who speaks with one voice yet thinks with many...
The Sounds of anger and angst in the air, yet he cannot hear..
His Wife gives birth to a baby boy, it cries in the night yet he cannot see
Lying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life, yet he cannot feel
Pain,
Suffering
Loss
One man, like everyone of us pushed through the hard times in his life
Someone who never took anything for granted and lived his life to the full
One man
Who loved himself and never gave up.

So when God looked down upon this man as he lay during the last minutes of his life, the man looked up and all he could do was smile. He may not be able to hear, he may not be able to see...but he knew...and could feel the love all around him. His heart were his eyes..


So Whenever times are hard, just stay strong and keep pushing through. Be like that one man.

Inspiration...

So today I was talking to one of my best friends, and we were talking about how we felt about certain things, and family, and about seeing Councillors at university and I had told her that when I went to see one at university many years ago, the conversation with the Councillor went from talking about my past and current relationships, to talking about my grandmother and my friend then proceeded to ask me what my relationship was like with my grandmother. This is what I wrote to her in a nutshell:

"She was my world. I would tell her everything I couldn't feel I could tell my parents because she actually wanted to learn about me, find out how school was going and what I enjoyed etc where as my parents didn't really care or at least to me they didn't show that they did.
I felt closer to my grandmother than I ever did with my parents and that in itself is a horrible thing to say, but that was how I felt.
To lose her, it was like I lost a piece of myself. Like I didn't know who I was anymore. And the fact that I had so much to tell her, and she would never know. As a 13-14 year old, I couldn't really understand what was happening or why. When she was in the hospital, we had gone home for dinner because I was getting hungry and I had asked my mother if we could get something to eat. A few hours after eating, I was doing my homework and We had gotten a call from the hospital stating that she had passed and I blamed myself for her death. I thought it was my fault and that if we hadn't have gone home, she would still be alive because I thought that I could stop it from happening which wouldn't have been true because in all reality she was going to die anyway and her cancer had beaten her. She had lived a good and long life, but as a 13-14 year old, how was I to know any different.
And all i wanted and still want is for my parents to see me what my grandmother did in me. To be proud of me no matter what and to respect me and my wishes. Yes I have my faults and I have made bad decisions, but I want them to understand and respect my happiness and be happy for me, not to criticize and judge me because I never made their expectations and never went down the paths they wanted me to go down.
All i want for myself is to be happy. Ever since I was little all I have wanted was to be a mother and a wife. I have a loving husband and all I need now is a child. Even if I had nothing else in the world, as long as I had my husband and my child/children I would be happy. But knowing my parents don't want any more grandchildren ( my sister has a 5 year old daughter and she is 25) it hurts my heart because that's what I've dreamed of. yes I was interested in doing music, but I want a lot of things and am interested in a lot of different things. I want to go back to college and do something either in the medical field or skincare/anesthetist or something beauty related. But knowing that they wouldn't approve is why I would probably never tell them because I would never get the support from them. And now I don't have my grandmother to confide in. I know she would have been like 'wow thats amazing..what does it entail etc' and for her to see the excitement and enthusiasm on my face when telling her about it. Thats what I want from my parents. Its not much to ask really is it?"

What do you think? Not having my grandmother here used to make me cry, even to think or talk about her, but over the years I just got used to not having her around. I will never forget her and plan to have a tattoo designed for me in memory of her and what she means to me.

This is so nasty but i thought it was so funny

So..this plate of nasty goodness was left on top of our dryer, and it has been there i'd say a good week maybe more. Anyway, I had thought by now whoever it belonged to would have picked it up and throw it out but no...
Soooo, I decided today that it would be funny to make a little note as a flag and attach it to the box of treasures

The picture below shows what it looks like and the note says ( if u cant read it )
"To the owner of the styrofoam box and the nasty ass thing wrapped in a tortilla, PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE YOUR SH*T ON THE DRYER!"

i will laugh if the note is gone tomorrow..LOL its just sooo nasty having to see it everytime i walk past the dryer to leave my apartment

anyway thought i'd share ..

What is Love?

Some people can say, well love is a feeling. Its something inside, an emotion that a lot of people express in different ways. Love is everything. It evolves all around us, everywhere we look and touch. But it can be used within the wrong context. For instance, a guy can say to his female friend who he's known for most of his life and they are not dating, 'Hey, see u tomorrow..love you" where a husband can say to his wife "I am so happy I married you, love you". The context of the word love is misused, and can upset people when used in this way, unless the other party is ok with their partner saying love you to their friend. You can love your friends, but loving your spouse is a different feeling. To some people, it does come across in the wrong way, and friendships can be jeopardized because of that one little word. So when they say it can't be thrown about, they are right. When i say they, I mean people in general..
Love is a when a mother gives birth to a baby for the first time, and time and time after. It is when a flower grows from a seed. Its the passion for work, for school, for anything in life that makes us happy, and to work hard at it. Love is seeing people smiling and laughing with each other. It's having that with someone or something that feels right, and makes u feel good about yourself.

Lust on the other hand, is doing something (i.e sex) that u 'think' u want to do, either to spite that someone else because they have hurt you, or because u just want to and have no valid reason as to why. There is no love, and no connection. Its just sex. But when in a relationship, there can be no Lust. Lust is therefore 'evil' in my eyes, and should not be anywhere in a relationship. When u get married u do so out of love. Because that would hurt it someone just married you out of lust because u looked like an easy catch and all they would want is sex. Well if that's all they wanted, then why get married? U could get that from anywhere u wanted and stay single..
Love actually 'means' something. If you love someone, u will naturally show it. U won't need to force it, or pretend. And people will be able to see from your body language and the way that you are together, that you love each other. You can see it in their eyes..
People have seen me and my husband together and have said how much in love we are with each other and that its so sweet. We don't have to pretend that we are somebody else.

If you find the one you love, and u know that he or she is definitely the one for you, then don't let them go..you may never have the same feelings for another person like you do for them.

Work at it: If things go wrong in a relationship, talk to each other and find out the cause of the anger or the disagreement, or whatever it is in the relationship that's making it not as good as it could be

Tell them that you love them: Even if they already know, its nice to have someone tell you that they love you..

Surprise them: Cook dinner, clean up around the house, sort the children out, wash his clothes, take him out to dinner, or buy him things here and there just because. Text him/her little love notes, or leave little sticky 'i love you' notes around the house or write it on the fridge with letter magnets..Being spontaneous makes life more fun, and if they love you they would be grateful for anything that you did...

Offer to do something for them: This goes to both men and women. Be the loving spouse can also get you brownie points, in the fact that you don't really 'need' to do things for them, but you choose to out of the goodness of your own heart.

Be their best friend: Stand by them, no matter what happens. No matter if they do badly at work, and regardless to whether its their fault or not, you need to stand by them. For better or for worse the vows were. They mean something.....

And one last thing..make them feel like they are the most special thing in the world. That nothing else and no one else matters, and that you will be with them for the rest of your life.
I tell my husband that he is my soul mate, my best friend, and my world. He makes me feel like no other man has made me feel in my life, and that is love, and happiness. And I love him and will love him till the day I die..for the rest of my life..

xxx

My face routine and my life without it

Everyone wants clear skin, but sometimes this is not as easy to achieve as some people think it is. I was never one to have really bad acne, but my brother had it reasonably bad when he was younger and I had a few pimples here and there, but only once where i never wanted anyone to see my face because I felt it was so bad.
I wanted perfect skin. Smooth, no blemishes, no bumps or marks, nothing. I wanted pure floorless matte skin, that i didn't have to do very much with, but maybe put moisturizer on and it would look perfect. But it has take me years and years and still i have still to perfect it...
I used to be very self conscious about my skin, and the way I looked, so I wanted to look perfect because I guess it was when I was at school, all the guys would hit on the really pretty looking blonde chicks, or the big breasted women, and they always had straight teeth, perfect hair, and were known as the popular girls. I, however did not fit into that crowd of people. Yes I may be beautiful now, but back then I was far from it ( I thought ) and I had longed for one of those guys just to come to me, and say to me hey I like u, I think ur pretty, or whatever. But that never happened. I would always be jealous of those other girls, so even now, if my skin is not fantastic, or I put on a little big of weight, I would get depressed because I want to look my best, and I can't when I have pimples all over my face or I can't wear the clothes I want to wear...
How frustrating it is, when people would stare at me, and call me names. I mean if they do now, I am used to it, because I know I am beautiful, and my husband knows it too. He is the one that keeps me strong, and keeps me thinking that anything is possible, and that I can do something..
My parents were never any good at that. Mother kept ridiculing who I would date, or what I would wear and was never really that supportive in anything that I wanted to do. It was always about what they would want...so when I went out buying things for my face, I went out buying everything...

I had cleansers, (3 different types and i would use them all) toners, moisturizers, serums, eye creams, etc..)
I would spend hours just doing my face every morning and night and i would end up it being a regime, in i would sit and make sure that i had used every product on my face to make it clear..
My parents gave me clearasil when i was 15 and it made my skin worse...it broke me out so bad that I didn't want to show my face anywhere and I would cake my face with makeup and foundation...

Now my skin has cleared up so much..and i don't use as many cleansers as I used to, but I still long for pure skin, and i know one day I will get it and will be determined to get it.. I don't know what my life would be without using it. Unless I had clear skin and never needed the products, then I don't think i would be able to live without having something on my face...

Anyway until we meet again...tarraaa....

Never look back..keep moving forward

Emily looked into the mirror...her eyes bloodshot from crying and the tears left rolling down her cheeks, left a black streak of mascara

"Will he ever come back" she sobbed as she climbed back on to her bed and curled up with a blanket
Five minutes past. Every minute would just feel like a lifetime.

Emily was 16 years old. Her father John, was in the US Military and was deployed. They had always been so close. He had brought Emily up pretty much since she was a toddler, and he loved her with all his heart. He had been deployed for 8 months already, and she just couldn't cope anymore. Her older sister Jenna, was 24 and her husband Michael was also in the military. He was a Chief, and so She knew what it was like to not be with the person you love every day, and to not hold them, or have them in your arms telling u everything is going to be ok. Jenna was Emily's comfort. She looked up to her. Whenever she was sad, Jenna was always there to tell her it was going to be ok.

Two months past. Not one phone call did the family get from John. A lot was going on with his work schedule, and so they just thought "oh well he is just busy"
They kept waiting, and waiting and waiting. The longer they waited, the more anxious they got. But all they could do was tell each other that everything was going to be ok.
It's never easy when you have a loved one in the Military. But you have to be a strong person. It was hard on the children, especially Emily. She had a part time job, helping out at the local library to try to forget that her father was out there risking his life, but also serving his country. She was proud of him, yet scared because she didn't know if he was ever going to come home alive.

John had many friends in the military, some who had also gone out with him.
12 months had arrived. The moment everyone had been waiting for. HOMECOMING!
They arrived at the pier. There were a lot of people hustling and bustling back and forth, trying to look for the ship pulling in.
Smiles on everyone's faces, as the started to file off the ship. Emily tried looking for her father but she couldn't see him. She thought it must have been because there were so many people.
Then one of John's former friends and co-workers Adam walked up to them. He was far from smiling.
"There was an accident....I'm so sorry..."
There was silence. Emily's mother Mary's face sunk and tears started running down her face..
"No..NO it can't be, your lying...NO please god no.."she cried as she fell to the floor in floods of tears
Emily and her sister didn't understand what had happened, or why her mother was crying. Where was her father?
Adam continued.
"John was a good man. He fought for what he thought was right. He was protecting us. No one could have been more brave than he was"
Was her father dead? How could this be? After 12 months of waiting, this couldn't be true" All the laughter and smiles turned to tears. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. If this was a joke, it was a very sick one
"There will be a formal ceremony for him. I know he would want you to be there"
Gripping her fists tightly, Emily lashed out screaming "why, why couldn't it have been you. Why him?" It was the spur of the moment thing, and she didn't mean it, but suddenly the air was filled with anger and grief. Then Adam walked away.
A month passed, and everyone was trying to get over what had happened. Suddenly Mary got a phone call from the police. It was concerning Emily. She had tried to kill herself to be with her father and was in hospital. She had overdosed on aspirin, her dogs anxiety medicine and her mothers migraine pills. What had she done? Wasn't the family broken as it is, and losing her would have been the last straw.
Emily lay in the hospital. Luckily someone found her and called 911. She had had her stomach pumped, and was very weak. Her mother sat beside her and cried. She said
"My sweet sweet baby, I've already lost one person I love, I can't lose you too"
Her eyes filled with tears..
Brrr....brrrr...Her phone was vibrating and it was Jenna. Mary answered
"Hello?.."
"Mom, mom, I just got a call from the ship dad was on. It was Master Chief Adam Benson
"what did he want Jenna, come on I don't have all day, Emily needs me"
"It's dad...
"Look Jenna, we are all grieving from your dads passing. Can u just leave it be?..
"No mom. He is alive. It was a mistake. They ID'd the wrong person. He had dad's ID and everything. Well whoever ID'd Dad's body made the mistake but yes..Dad's alive, and he knows about what happened to Emily. Adam only just found out, and he is so apologetic. He said he is going to meet you at the hospital
No sooner had Mary got off the phone, John ran into the cubicle. It was like they had seen a ghost. They didn't know whether to laugh, cry or be angry, but they knew they could be a family again. But they did feel sorry for the person that did die. Sorry for their family. But all they could do was hold him tightly
Adam arrived. He explained
"Everything was happening so fast. we were dealing with so many things, and then it happened. The explosion. The fire, The gas. There was so much smoke, and we found a body that had John's ID dog tags lying next to him. It was so hard to see, especially with those masks and the smoke to identify the body because of all the burns, that we assumed it was him. I am so so sorry, but mistakes happen"
Mary stepped up to Adam, took a deep breath and slapped him across the face
"You have NO idea what we have been through. We have gone waiting for him for months, to thinking he was DEAD?? and you let us think that? You ruined our lives Adam. Your no friend to us. Now leave us alone"
"Im sorry ma'am. I'll be going now. You take care now Emily"
"Now wait a minute" John said as Adam reached for the door.
"Everyone makes mistakes, and this is mine. I am sorry that I didn't tell u that I was back. I came back early and wanted to surprise you all with something. I had to keep it a secret, and stay at a friends house, so that when homecoming came I could sneak in the house whilst you were gone and sort the surprise out. I didn't realize it would come to this, or that any of this would happen. It's as much Adams fault as it is mine, but why hold a grudge when I am alive and well standing right in front of you. You should be happy. Adam was only doing his job and was doing something he thought was right and he is genuinely sorry. People make mistakes, its part of life and u should know that Mary. You have made mistakes in your life too remember.."
Mary sighed and turned to Adam and apologized
"Adam, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just so overwhelmed by the whole situation, that I haven't taken it in yet. Will you forgive me?"
Adam didn't need to think. He had been friends with John for over a lifetime, and John's family were like his family.
"Without a doubt. Let's try to put it all behind us and move on. Life is too short to dwell on the past. It is the future that u can look forward to"
Everybody smiled and they once Emily was good to go, they all left the hospital.

A few weeks later, John went back to work. He did so well, that they honored him with a medal, and soon after he advanced to Master Chief. He stayed in there after, and his family couldn't have been prouder.
"When I retire, I know I will have whats best for my family, and I can support them alway" Said John, when he came home from work one day.
"They are not sending me out again, and I will be coming home from now on. I promise you won't have to worry anymore. We can be a family again, and we can be safe.."

Jenna's fell pregnant 2 years later, and Michael didn't reenlist. He wanted to be there for his family and so he got a job working as a contractor for the Military, and was able to be home to see his wife, and his beautiful twin daughters.
Emily graduated from High School, and went on to University to become a Nurse.
She met a handsome young man named Lucas, and he was a Soldier. She had come to realize that you can't pick and choose who u fall in love with, and there will be challenges along the way with being part of the military. But she became stronger because of it. She was proud of her father, and now had someone else to be proud of, as well as herself.
"Never look back...keep moving forward" Thats what her father used to say, and to this day has stuck by it and will forever in the future. Nothing will stop her from fulfilling her dreams"

My little vacation to NC all thanks to Hurricane Irene...

High winds, heavy rain, flooding!! That's what was predicted to hit the east coast of the US. And to name it Irene of all names. A female name....It sounds so innocent.
When it was predicted to hit my hometown of Virginia, a week before then we had had an earthquake. I was used to being in a hurricane, because we had had one during the previous year, but never been through an earthquake. 5.9 on the rictor scale it was said to have been, although the only things that were shaking was my couch and my landline phone that was rocking on the table.
You can't help mother nature. It does what it wants.
A mandatory evacuation was issued to all low lying areas, and my apartment is a ground floor apartment. So was my friend Laura's. So we decided to get as far away from this so called hurricane as we could. We didn't want to go too far out, because of gas and money shortages, so we had to pick somewhere that was west and inland enough that the hurricane wouldn't hit it.

We ended up going to a place in NC called Mocksville. Yes!! ..I know that was its name. We had taken her truck, plus 3 days worth of clothing and all personal documents that were laid around our apartments with us.
We also had her 3 cats and my little dachshund, who is very inquisitive and wanted to know what the cats were up to and what they were. She wanted to say hi and everything, so the car ride up was interesting, in trying to keep her sitting down, and not trying to climb in the back of the truck to say hi to the kitties.

We finally arrived. 6 long hours later. We were so relieved that we could lay down, and relax, watch tv etc..but there raised another problem. The room itself was very cosy. Nice 2 double beds, a tv, and sink area, and a bathroom. The problem was the bathroom. It was smaller than my own at my apartment, and only one person could get in there at one time. However, we planned to make it work, as we were only there for 3 days, so she put her cats in the bathroom, fixing to take them out and let them roam around later on. My dog however, had different thoughts going through her mind, and when Laura went in to see how her babies were doing, my dog Jasmine ran in after her and stuck her nose against the kitty box that one of the cats was in. I have never heard such a noise. The box jumped backwards, and a low harsh meowing was heard. It wasn't your normal cat meow, no no this was almost like a tiger meowing..followed by hissing. This was to become a problem if they were let out of the boxes, because someone, and it was pointing to my dog, would get badly hurt. She already managed to get 2 scratch marks on her nose, because Laura shut the bathroom door after they had been let out in the bathroom as we had to leave them in there for safety of them and us, and Jasmine stuck her nose under the door. The same cat that hissed at her previous, growled and swiped his paw under the door..Normally he is a good natured cat. He purrs, and isn't aggressive at all. But because Jasmine had startled him, I guess he was trying to protect himself and the other 2 cats. He wasn't expecting her to barge in the doorway like she did. But the rest of the time we were there we had to endure her whining, because we wouldn't let her near the cats and the cats wouldn't let her near them either or it would have been a blood bath and I don't think that either of us really have the money to endure vet bills on either of out pets right now...Never a win win situation....
Never the less, we worked it out, and were still able to enjoy ourselves regardless to the pet issue. We stuck our fingers up at Irene and were like ha ha screw u...

In a way, I didn't want to leave, because it was nice and warm, and we were enjoying ourselves, and that I was spending time with someone who I saw as a really good friend, so it was all worth it having to spend time with her, but on the other hand, I didn't want to think about my husband being out to sea because of the storm. I wanted to be home with him, so I knew he was safe but he would text me letting me know what was going on and when he was coming home, and he would call if he was able to.

Being a military wife is hard, especially when your loved ones aren't there to help you in times when u may need them the most, and yet you pray for their safety also.
At times, I do get frustrated because personally, I don't think its fair that during bad storms, and potentially fatal weather conditions, that sailors have to go out to sea to protect their ships, yet their spouses, or families have to deal with possibly dying or getting injured or getting flooded in whilst possibly being in the eye of the storm if they are not able to get away. How scary that must be for them, when they are possibly in danger, and their sailors are safe. That doesn't make any sense to me..but we are proud and thank them for their service anyway

anywho...

The trip back felt faster than on the way there. We didn't use as much gas for some reason, and because most of the flooding and rain had gone, it was easier to drive back. Our apartments weren't damaged or flooded, so that was a good thing. We did have renters insurance if anything was to have happened. Our pets were glad to be home. Jasmine was sniffing around the apartment making sure everything was still there..and our power was back on. Some other places were still waiting for their power to be turned back on, and I felt sorry for them, but happy that ours was on and that I could still cook and do what I needed to do.
There were a few other hurricanes on the radar, that we were aware or but they are too far away and won't be anywhere near us to hit land, so our sailors don't need to go out, but if they had, they would have gone within 48hrs. I was so glad that my husband didn't have to go out again. I don't drive so its hard for me to do anything.
The hubby and I went to see his grandparents and family in SC for a day. We would have liked to have stayed longer, and maybe when we next plan to go down, we will have more money also but it was fun regardless, and was nice to meet them. I hadn't met that side of his family so it was exciting for me to get that opportunity, and for him because he hadn't seen them in over 3 years.

I will keep y'all updated on any other major weather changes, and any other major things that happen in my life
For now I bid farewell..

Thoughts...

I believe that when people are terminally ill and only have a few months to live that they see the world in a different light. Everything is vibrant and they feel that they should fit in as much as they can in the time that they have left doing the things that they love or wish to do, or they may regret it. Life is short. You could live till your 100, or you could die tomorrow just walking out your front door. Life is full of the unexpected, and we can't take it for granted. We only have one chance to live, or to change our life, and we should do what we can to fulfill it, and make the most of that time.

Spending time with loved ones, and enjoying every minute of every day with the people you love, doing the things that you love. That is what counts. It is the same being married to a sailor, or a marine, or a soldier. You don't take them for granted, and you spend as much time as possible with them before they go out to sea, or go IA and we worry for their safety. I have heard many people that say to me, 'Oh my husband works as a doctor. He works nights and I won't see him until the day after tomorrow and i miss him sooo much. I wish he didn't have to work nights so he could be with me" My response to them??
"Well my husband is in the Navy and he's floating in the middle of the ocean and is gone for 5- 9 months..so don't moan and talk about not seeing your husband for 2 days...have some dignity and respect for what i'm going through, and the fact that I have to sleep in MY bed on MY own..every day and you only have to wait 2 days. I wish I had to wait 2 days to see my husband"
I think its selfish that they can say that to someone married to military. We knew what we had gotten into when we got married, and we knew it was going to be hard, but you really don't need someone rubbing it in your face all the time..

Everyone wishes they had more time in life. You can't buy it, you can't sell it. We live and we die and its up to us how we do it, but one would assume that if time got shorter, that they would want to cherish that time, and fill it with good memories that people will remember and keep in their hearts for the rest of their lives. They want to remember the happiness and the laughter, not the sadness, and the tears. That's why I cherish every moment I have with my husband, when he is at home, for the chance that I may never see him again ( well for at least the duration of time he goes out to sea if he does) but you never know. You can''t take it for granted. So each and every one of you, stay close to your families, and friends and know that they love you as much as you love them. Spend quality time with them....that's whats important. Take lots of pictures, so the memories will stay not only in their hearts but on paper as well..and enjoy life whilst you have it

It's always the way...

My husband is in the US Navy. He left to go Underway on the 20th January 2011. No sooner had he left, and I mean literally about 4 days after he had left, I fell ill with a really bad chest cold. I was hot and cold, laid up in bed, with only my little dachshund to look after me, and although she does do a good job, its not quite the same as having your husband there to look after you..I had about 5 layers of clothing, PLUS a heat pad and the heating on high, and I was still freezing cold but I was determined to beat this.
When I thought the cold was getting better, it got even worse. The dry cough I had, turned into a productive chesty cough to which I would cough up flem and mucus. ( I know TMI but oh well..lol Don't worry it gets worse)
Then my nose started to run like a non stop tap. (one that you couldn't turn off) So I couldn't lay sideways or forwards, or lay down incase i choked on it..and it made me throw up
Anyway, I took some flu/cold medicine, and that seemed to help the running nose situation BUT....now I have the WORST back pain EVER!!
This back pain is so intense to the point where I couldn't lift my leg yesterday morning. My back literally seized up and I could barely breathe for a moment or two because of the pain..
I went to Walgreens with a friend to get some pain meds, and heat pads because this was getting ridiculous..
The only pain meds that I will have to take now are the Excederin Back and Body, because the took the only other pain medication that I could take off the market (recalled it). That was the Tylanol Extra Strength Liquid (Cherry flavored), and it actually worked on me...even if my husband said I was addicted to it, which I didn't think I was. I knew it was working, so it didn't bother me..
I will have to crush the Excederin up, and mix it with juice, hoping that I don't hurl..and I wish that my husband was with me right now, with me feeling this way.
He will be missing Valentines day. I have got him so many gifts because he is a wonderful man, and a wonderful husband and he deserves everything...So I hope that he is happy with what he gets for Valentines. (he will open them when he gets back)
I have another 2 maybe 3 weeks to wait, until my husband returns into my arms...I miss him SO much, but I am trying to get on with life whilst he is gone, as well as I can. Things would be easier if he was here, but I have to deal with things as they come..
At least everything is paid for, and all bills are sorted...I just have to tidy up, and try to enjoy myself as best as I can...I just have to deal with this chronic back pain for now, and hope that it does go away before Valentines day, because even though it won't stop me from doing some of what I have planned, I won't be able to do what I WANT to do. I won' t be able to run around as much, or jump about, but I will still have a smile on my face even though I may be in excruciating pain to walk, or stand..

I love my husband so much and I am so proud of him for what he is doing for his country.
I cannot wait until I hear his voice when he calls me, and even more to see his face when he returns into my arms!!!
Love you baby !!! <3<3<3<3