just thinking

have you ever missed some one so bad that u feel like crying? you cant get them off your mind and you want them with you for the rest of your life. it sucks when you have them feelings and cant acted on them. it sucks in so many ways. then you lover a person so much that it hurts to be away from them but you dont have any choice in the matter. what do you do then? what do you do when it makes you sick from missing a person? you love a person with all you have. you know they love you to and yet still something is trying to pull you and keep you apart. that hurts. then they are walking the streets you dont know if that person is safe or not. u want to go looking for them but know if you do it will just cause trouble and get you or some one else hurt. what do you do? when you and another person is in love and you cant get to them.

when two hearts are together but miles apart or it feels that way and they could be just around the corner looking for you or watching you but you would never know because they dont want to get you hurt. they dont want any thing bad to happen to you. so they stay away and look from a distance. loveing you from a distance. they can see that you are not smileing and that its killing you in side for you not being with them. then they are sad as well because they want to protect you and get you as far away from where you are that it is killing them. they worry and worry. they dont know what is going on if you are hurt or if some one has hurt you. but all they can do is watch you from a distance and make sure that you are ok and nothing has happen to you.

the person dont know what to do you dont know what to do. your mind is wondering theres is wondering what is going to happen or what will happen if i dont get away. you know the love is there because the person is staying with no place to go and staying in the cold just until they can get to you. in tears when you talk on the phone the both of you. crying and saying sorry for something that neither of us can control. all you know is that you are in love and that is all that matters. yet you still have to go threw the pain with them rite there. why the f%y# something cant come easy after all the hell we both have been threw. then you both know that nothing never comes easy even if you are in love.

just some songs i like

THIS FEELING

THIS FEELING


As you hold me tight,
I think every thing,
is going to be all right.

I ask my self,
How could this be,
I dont understandm
these feelings,
Iam so comfused.
I dont know what to do.


Please dont let,
The feelings be a lie.

I couldnt bear to say good-bye

UP DATE

well i was going to print and get rid of all these blogs but iam out of ink in my printer and i havent had time to go get any more. so i will get it done some time iam sure. this sucks. when u set you mind to do some thing then u dont have the stuff to do it with. then iam supose to get some tats done yesterday my cuz never shows up so that pisses me off because i have done paid the f*$~#@ to do them. its not like he wont show up its just dont make a time and not show up because i hate waiting on people. hes been gonig threw alot so i mean iam not going to b*#^z at him over it his dad just passed away not to long ago so iam going to let him slide this time.

the thing is that every thing that was supose to happen yesterday didnt happen and then it bothered me because i really just wanted to get these printed then get my tats and be done with the shit. if that makes any sence. so i go out i get drunk now i got a killer hangover and havent been to bed. so i dont know if its a hang over or if iam still drunk.

me and my screen door got in to it last night now i got to fix that f%z@z$ its all ways something. the water hearter is going out as well. dont buy a house its to much work and after buy the son of a b~wxy shit starts braken and its all on your ass after you buy it. i dont know the frist thing about water hearts the door i can do my self. but i hate for some one to come in my home and do something that i could do if i would just take the time.

thats like the car needs brakes a guy was supose to come pick it up and fix the damn thing that was a week ago. so no its just siting out there. im like wtf are u waiting for the tires to start moveing on there own. well the brakes are out so its like i cant drive it to have the damn things fixed thats what pisses me off. dont tell some one you are going to do something and dont do it.

i got to take my kids to ball games and dance calls and i need my car. so they are late to just about every thing for the past 3 weeks because i have to wait for their dad to get off of work to take them to what they need to get to. and then i have to sit there and hear them get yelled at well that didnt go over to well with me so i looked at my 10 year olds couch and i said hey listen to me buddy you arent going to talk to my kid that way i dont give a flying f&~$ who you are? he shut up then. i wanted to take a bat and beat him up side his head for yelling at her over being late again. i said its not like she can drive her self or walk u no good pice of shit. i think that kinda pissed him off a bit.

Somewhere In The Night

Somewhere In The Night

Somewhere in the night a child cries,
A woman weeps and someone dies.
Somewhere in the night, humanity hides.

Somewhere in the night , a soul screams,
As people fade and die, lost in dreams.
Somewhere in the night, reality lives.

Somewhere in the night loneliness dwells,
As people die, no sounding bells.
Somewhere in the night, she dies by the hands,
that says they love her.

Somewhere in the night ...

Where is the light?

just wrighting

i layed here last night in so much pain. i didnt get much sleep it was so bad i couldnt help but to . every one asleep and iam laying here crying in my bed. thinking as well as i offten do. the pain blocked some of it tho. the pain not good. the pain would not stop. i would have been diffrent if it would have been just one thing that was hurting on me but it was my whole body. it was like some one takeing knifes to my body and cuting me from the inside out. still siting here in pain i dont know what is causeing it well i do but we wont get in to that. when you are in pain like that you want to bite every ones head off and its not cool because it is no ones falt.

the pain it comes and gos, but it still seems like it is there all the time. all ways giveing me time to heal befor it happens again but the pain really never gos away. that is what sucks. my face is black and blue and i cant see out of my right eye all to well. every thing will get better i keep telling my self. i dont know who iam trying to fool, my self or every one else. tell every one iam ok but i fight with this pain every day. hopeing that it will soon stop or put me in my grave one of the two. that is how sick of it iam.

then the stress that comes along with it isnt good either. but no one understands no one will ever get it. not unless you have been there lived threw it and delt with it. the stress,pain,scars are all ways going to be there. then i have people that ask me what keeps you going lil. the ones who want to know that it is my kids. they are what keep me going. they are the ones that i get out of this bed every day for and make like every thing is ok. hide behind the mask of shame and the hurt and the pain. so they cant see the thruth. i know here befor to long they will be able to see threw it all by looking in my eyes.

i had a friend that seen me in a pic smileing he said keep smileing it looks good on you. i said to that friend of mine do you know how hard it is for me to smile and say that iam ok? he said i know it has to be hard but you have to try and do it more offten. i said i do smile every day even tho it hurts. he said what do you mean. i said i smile for my kids. that way they think that mommy is happy. a person can only take so much then it wheres them down and makes them sick sore and all kinds of other things.be happy and try like hell to smile. how the hell do i do that?

i have been hideing behind a mask for so long that is about the only way i know how to live.. keep people with then arms reach not really never leting any one in. yet i care about people with all i have. do i tell them no. why dont i tell them? so i dont get hurt any more then i have to. thats sad yes i know. any more the people that u can trust if few and far in between. i i get but what good dose it do me. it just makes me tired and makes me wake up with my eyes to where they cant open.

every morning i wake up and i have to tell my self i have to do this i have to do this for my kids and my self. i got to be strong and hang in there. then at night when iam laying all alone i think about things and i cry i hurt to where no one will see me hurt. i play like every thing is all right with me until after every one is gone to bed and no one can see me cry or hear me. iam not sure if they here me or not. i dont think that matters any more because a person can cry over many things. so i could just tell them i miss some one or something if they ever ask me whats wrong.

what do i do? what can i do? i have ran and iam so sick of runing. i dont think i got another up and run in me to be real with every one out there. i have been runing from this shit my whole life its to the point to where i want to give the f%w# up and say to hell with it all. runing hasnt got me no damn where and its not going to. we all kknow that. just long at how long i have been runing and hideing and being scared. whats the point any more truely? iam starting to wonder what the point is. i just am so ready to give up and throw my hands up in the air and say f%#~ it.

cleaning the house some times helps but most of the time i brake shit because iam shakeing all over. then thats just another mess i have to clean up. runing after the kids all day keeps my mind off of some thing but when it all stops and its time to settle down then my mind gos wondering again. then i go to find some thing else to clean and by then iam on here seing what going on on here just so i can pass some time take my mind off stuff help other people so my probs are not on my mind the people that iam trying to help is what is on my mind.

Alone

Alone


Alone in this world.
Alone walking down this dark path.
Alone i wait for what,
that iam not sure of.

Alone i wait for the tears to stop,
stop flowing,
my eyes to never be blood shoot again.

Alone i wait for this love,
this love,
they one speak of in tals,
or romance movies.
Alone,
Alone.

Alone in a dream in the night,
Alone in the stars i wait,
where you said you would be.

you never come,
you are not here.
Alone,Alone.

TO MY FRIENDS

after today iam going to be printing my blogs and geting rid of them. that way i can get them all printed. there is alot on here so i got my work cut out for me. there will be more its just i have to print the ones i got on here and then start all over witch is no big deal to me. give yall something new to read and every thing like that. not only that i got publishers wanting to look at them and it would look better printed then in my own hand wrighting. so i have to get this done. not only is it going to take alot of time but its going tto take alot of paper. no big deal i just want to get it done and over with any ways. i have to make 2 of every thing on here. thats what is nuts. iam just happy that i got some one wanting to take a look at them. that makes me really happy. that will also give me something to do at night why iam not sleeping. i never sleep and that sucks. put today they will all still be there until tomrrow then i dont know what all iam going to be taken off in one day but iam hopeing that i get alot done. that is all that iam wanting. because i cant sit in one place for to long any ways i have to be moveing.

i just wanted to give every one a heads up that way that yall didnt think that i was leaveing wire or any thing like that. because most of the time when people start takeing things off there profile they are leaveing. that is not the case. i will be here and every thing. its just time to print them all this time i have been wrighting and every one telling me to get a publisher to look at them and i was scared but hell with it either they can tell me yes or no and if its no i got all of them for my kids.

ANGEL'S CRY

ANGEL'S CRY


where did i go wrong?
what made you say good-bye?
can't you feel the angels cry?
every time we say good-bye,
the angels cry.

i thought that you and i,
was always and forever.
baby i love you.
baby i miss you.

where did i go wrong?
what made you say good-bye?
can't you feel the angels cry?

every time we say good-bye.
i feel the angels cry.
every night in the strom,
i feel the angels cry.

why do we say good-bye?
true loves a gift and we let it slip.

can you feel the angels cry?
can you feel the angles cry?

just a blog

ok iam laying in bed last night and some one poped in to my head. i was fine smiled for a min the i started crying because i knew that i might not ever get to see this person. that hit me like a box of rocks. i dont know why it hit me so hard but it did. its like iam here but my heart is there. what do you do? you cant just up and move your kids and every thing because you dont know if its going to work or not. then i fall asleep well cryed my self to sleep. woke up and this person is stilll on my mind.. by this point iam upset again and have alot of stuff runing threw my head and i want it to stop. then the kids wake up and they get me out of this sad mood but this person is still on my mind. cant get the person off. so i try to do things around the house clean and all that stuff but it wasnt working. so i take the kids out side and it was like every where i looked reminded me of this person. so i came back in side and said the hell with it. now iam siting here with this person on my mind and not upset but agervaded to beat hell.

what can you do when you heart is in one place and you are in another? i dont know what to do any more because if i think about it any longer iam going to drive my self crazy. yet i still cant get the person off my mind. i really didnt sleep well and iam tired and still cant sleep. this is starting to piss me off i think. because my heart wants something so bad that i may not ever be able to have so hell whats a person to do?

My Angel

My Angel

Nothing means more to me
then what we share
just remember that
i will always care

you have been there for me
even when I'm sad
and i promise I'll be with you
through good times and through bad

i know that soon enough
my heart and soul will heal
because when I'm with you
i know this time its for real

please don't think I'm crazy
for what I'm about to say
i think that i may love you
a little more each day

there has been stuff that i regret
and thats all in the past
but what i really want
is this relationship to last

every time i see you
all i think about is love
and i thank the lord
for sending me my angel from above

Expressing my love

love some times come to you in many diffrent ways and when you lest expect it. or you relize that you love some one and have all along this one if for you


Expressing my love

As I feel the tear go down my cheek
I notice that my heart is weak
For the love I have for you
Will always be gold and true
I have made some mistakes, they rest in the past
But know my love will always last
Even though we are a distance apart
You always have the key to my heart

Eight O'Clock

Eight O'Clock


Supper comes at five o'clock,
At six, the evening star,
My lover comes at eight o'clock--
But eight o'clock is far.

How could I bear my pain all day
Unless I watched to see
The clock-hands laboring to bring
Eight o'clock to me.

Buried Love

Buried Love


I shall bury my weary Love
Beneath a tree,
In the forest tall and black
Where none can see.

I shall put no flowers at his head,
Nor stone at his feet,
For the mouth I loved so much
Was bittersweet.

I shall go no more to his grave,
For the woods are cold.
I shall gather as much of joy
As my hands can hold.

I shall stay all day in the sun
Where the wide winds blow,
But oh, I shall weep at night
When none will know.

New Love and Old

New Love and Old


In my heart the old love
Struggled with the new;
It was ghostly waking
All night through.

Dear things, kind things,
That my old love said,
Ranged themselves reproachfully
Round my bed.

But I could not heed them,
For I seemed to see
The eyes of my new love
Fixed on me.

Old love, old love,
How can I be true?
Shall I be faithless to myself
Or to you?

The Pain Inside Me

The Pain Inside Me


I write poetry to soothe my pain
Because all the world just seems the same
This twisting, burning, breaking
All because of one little game

What you said to me.
How you hurt me so.
The cut is just too deep.
Deepness scereing into my heart.

I want to know why...
This pain inside me,
Just will not stop.
The burning, breaking pain.

The cut you left is hard to heal
And i cant seem to stop the bleeding.
I hope you are happy now.
With the pain you made me feel.

Thinking Of You

Thinking Of You

I sit here quietly and watch the sun set
Thinking of someone that I've never met
I wonder does he think of me too
Needless to say I am thinking of you

Wanting to hold you, to see your face
To take you away to a better place
You feel so right, too good to be true
I just can't stop thinking of you

My friends say that I might regret
Losing my heart to a boy I've not met
I say there is nothing I can do
I cannot help thinking of you

I believe you were made special for me
But wonder if that could possibly be
I'm tired of being so alone and blue
But I always smile when thinking of you

MEETING YOU HAFE WAY

MEETING YOU HAFE WAY


Your message came through to me
It said please meet me half way
Its just what you have dreamed of
I have found us a place to stay

It's a snug cozy country cottage
So serene in the morning mist
The more I read the message
I now knew I could not resist

Nothing more now need be said
Message all read , I had to depart
You have captured my sweetest dream
You're like a magnet within my heart

There you held roses at the gate
Then you poured the sweetest wine
Fulfilling promises we had made
As your body enfolded mine

Roses scattered in pink and red
On the bed you lay next to me
Yearnings and dreams we have had
Now our passions were flowing free

Morning awakened in your arms
We glanced the first light of day
Thanked you for fulfilling my dreams
We must meet more often half way

TELL ME WHAT U THINK THIS B@#^* IS CRAZY OR SOMETHING!!!!!

QueenMorticia Sent: April 9 2010 (3 days ago)
Hello Lil Sis it's Lt. Andrew again I am sorry to bother you again. I have to tell you that I am terribly sorry for all the messages that they have sent too you, they had no right to be sending you those terrible nasty messages, and the nerve to talk too you with such disrespect talking too you the way they did was disrespectful too you and I'm sure very hurtful as well. I hope you will stay sister's with Maria for a very long time. I was reading your beautiful poetry, your writing's are absolutely wonderful, you should become a writer maybe on books of all kinds, your absolutely a beautiful writer. I again am terribly sorry for all the hurt you were put through by Carlos, Amanda, Brian, Adam, and Karen they had no right too harass you the way they did. I hope you have a great weekend and I will keep you up to date on Maria's condition. If you can at all please try and help Maria when she is fully awake, Maria really needs a true friend/sister like you I will also make sure that none of her friend's and am guaranteeing you that none of Maria's friend's will ever be on WireClub ever again I am promising you this. When we buy her laptop and desktop I will be putting a special lock on her computer's so none of her friend's will ever have to put up with the abuse. I hope you have a great weekend and I hope to hear from you soon. Take Care.
Sincerely,
Lt. Andrew D.P.D.

Lil_Juggalette84 Sent: April 10 2010 (2 days ago)
all i know is that my sister is very sick her and chris are back together and hes comeing here to be here with his kids and her. my sister and him has 2 lil girls and hes going to be with them as soon as he gets well. iam just gald that my sister didnt read them because she would have been really upset i dont let no message bother me but her it would have because shes very sick and thinks of her as a sister and they would have crushed my sister. its not rite what they are doing to my sister. none of them not even her but my sister dont got the heart to leave her be and not be friends with her any more

QueenMorticia Sent: April 10 2010 (2 days ago)
I have to question you why is Christopher sending messages on Maria's email, and I am terribly sorry that she is sick, I got good news Maria is finally awake Maria is doing much, much better. I could send you the messages that I have received from Christopher, I have been checking Maria's email and he keeps on sending Maria email messages that state how much he loves Maria and how he can't wait too be with Maria in the middle of May. He also has proposed too Maria again and I have been telling him that I am checking his emails and that I relate all of the messages from him too Maria. I don't want anybody to get hurt on here and so far that's what it seems to be is that Maria keep's on getting hurt on here. I don't want too break Maria's heart, oh and Christopher has called Maria before Maria's incident, Christopher is planning on marrying Maria when he moves out here in May so I really don't know what the truth is. I hope you have a great rest of the weekend. And your sister is in my prayers and thoughts. I hope you can help with all of this. Talk too you soon. Take care.
Sincerely,
Lt. Andrew D.P.D.

Lil_Juggalette84 Sent: 7 hours ago
send them to me and then i will confront him because this shit has got to stop hes comeing here. to be with my sister

QueenMorticia Sent: 5 hours ago
YO B%#&w STOP MESSIN WITH MY HOMEGIRL GOT IT YOU PERV

Lil_Juggalette84 Sent: 50 minutes ago
stop sending me messages

QueenMorticia Sent: 20 minutes ago
I AM SO GLAD MARIA IS STILL IN A COMA AND I HOPE YOUR Fyx$y$ SISTER WILL DIE MARIA MOST LIKELY WILL DIE AND SERGEANT ANDREW LIEUTENANT WHATEVER THE F^wz HE IS, HE WON'T BE ABLE TO GET THIS COMPUTER Axyzw@#, AND STOP TAKING ALL OF MARIA'S FRIEND'S AWAY YOU A*&^&*# YOUR A CREEP THAT'S ALL YOU ARE YOUR A F*@%@y% LOSER I WILL GET YOUR F%@^~*y STUPID ASS BANNED YOU FAGGAT PEOPLE ON HERE I'M SURE HATE YOUR GUTS AND NO THIS IS NOT CARLOS IT'S AMANDA CARLOS IS IN JAIL BECAUSE OF YOU A@#&xyx YOU WILL F&$@^y~ GET YOURS AND YOUR UGLY SISTER TOO
AMANDA

Lil_Juggalette84 Sent: 18 minutes ago
i said stop messageing me. and frist things frist they was my friends befor they was hers. u dumb ass i have been here way longer then she has. and u are a b^&#x if you like to hit a woman. i dont know what u got up your ass but you better leave me the f&w# alone iam not going to play no damn games with some jack ass over the net. grow the f&z# up or grow some balls because we all know you dont got none if u are hiting your girl

QueenMorticia Sent: 14 minutes ago
WHO THE F@wz CARE'S YOU JUST WANT TO GO OUT WITH EVERY GUY YOU PRICK AND I DON'T KNOW WHO THE Fw$x YOU ARE BUT GOD DAMN GIRL YOU ARE ONE F@z^~#z UGLY FAT PIG GO F&xwxz~ DROP DEAD YOU UGLY F%&$@# AND YOUR PROBABLY DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT MARIA, 2ND OF ALL MY NAME IS AMANDA NOT CARLOS, CARLOS IS MY LEADER AND I DON'T GIVE A Fzw^w#* SHIT IF I GET BUSTED MARIA IS IN A F&@%#y% COMA YOU PRICK SO DROP DEAD, DO US ALL A FAVOR AND DIE YOU Fw%$x* FROM AMANDA

Lil_Juggalette84 Sent: 11 minutes ago
dude u are messing with the wrong girl and i dont go out with any one from this site iam married u jack ass. so take it from there. and fat pig fw&$ show your face i bet you are no better looking then iam. so hell i dont give a flying f&@z what u say about me. this is my sisters page. shes not fat u dumb ass and stay off my sisters back. for some one who put his girl in a comma u seem to still care a lot about her. grow the f%^$ up u sick bastard and thats me being nice.

QueenMorticia Sent: 10 minutes ago
I HOPE YOU DIE YOU Fw%w~%, NOW IT'S YOUR SISTER'S PAGE OKAY SO WHY YOU PUTTING UP THE BLOGS? AND I AM AMANDA NOT F@y&$%* CARLOS DAMN IT

Lil_Juggalette84 Sent: 7 minutes ago
i posted the blogs for her and i dont give a f%y% who you are. so leave me the fw%@ alone and leave my sister alone. she sure has alot of people that hate her queen that is. i wonder why all the people hate her. i dont like her because shes a back stabing lil b^&w$. and who are u carlos new girl or queens girl? shit never can tell with the people she has messageing me. so shut up you b*z*^ and stop sending me messages. i have told you this all fz&@*&% night get it threw your thick head dumb ass

QueenMorticia Sent: 4 minutes ago
MARIA DOESN'T HAVE ANYBODY THAT HATES HER AND STOP BEING MEAN IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MARIA AT ALL YOU PRICK, AND I WILL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO STOP SENDING YOU MESSAGES GOOD I WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU AGAIN YOU JERK AND SERGEANT OR LIEUTENANT ANDREW WON'T BE COMING ON HERE FOR A WHILE BECAUSE HE IS UP IN MASSACHUSETTS FOR A F^~@w^~ CONFERENCE SO I HAVE THE F*@z@#% COMPUTER AND CARLOS IS MY Fy@*x~@ MAN WHO IS IN JAIL YOU PRICK THANK'S TO THE A~$#~*$ COPS

Lil_Juggalette84 Sent: a few seconds ago
wow i think u are just one crazy b%~@% in my book. and how can i be a prick when iam a girl? good i would like it if you would stop bothering me and my sister because this is my account until she gets back. and when she gets back she dont need the bull shit from yall.


QueenMorticia Sent: 5 minutes ago
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MARIA, 1ST OF ALL MARIA IS IN A COMA AND YES IT IS BECAUSE OF MY MAN AND I AM PROUD OF CARLOS BEING IN A COMA.
MARIA IS THE SWEET WOMAN I AM NOT THAT'S FOR SURE AND PROUD OF IT AND ALSO AM PROUD OF CARLOS FOR TRYING TO KILL MARIA I JUST HOPE MARIA DON'T WAKE UP OH F^zw Ax&y#*w SERGEANT IS COMING F#^z F&@w F&w& GOTTA GO DON'T TELL HIM I WAS ON HERE OTHERWISE I WILL BE IN TROUBLE COP PULLED UP BYE

Lil_Juggalette84 Sent: 2 minutes ago
you are crazy thats all there is to it. and you are sick to wish some one would never wake up. some one that you say is sweet. what the fz^w is wrong with your head. i think maria is you and carlos and every one else that is messing me from her account. because she just seems like she has splt persanates any how. yall bother the fx%$ out of me. and not only that but u creep me out and i dont get creeped very easly. so grow the f@~x up. you was on here and i posted a blog so they will know that you was on here and messageing me

QueenMorticia Sent: 5 minutes ago
Hello Lil Juggalette this is Lt. Andrew okay why did you put that on your blog that wasn't nice at all. Please take that off now that's not nice, this is Maria's computer I don't know what's going on here but please don't do that, if Maria wakes up from her coma that's not right Lil Juggalette, look I don't know what is going on with you and Amanda but I will handle it right now, but please take that off your blog.
Sincerely,
Lt. Andrew D.P.D.

Lil_Juggalette84 Sent: 2 minutes ago
look i dont know who all you people are but this is all just crazy one min is amanda and the next its andrew and the carlos who the fxw% are all you people i know its all queen and i dont give a damn iam keeping it on my blog that way people can see how f*y#~w$ crazy yall are. shit iam not dumb. yall need some help i would go see a f~#&$y$ docter and get the help i needed if i was that messed up.


OK NOW WHEN YOU HAVE ALL THES PEOPLE SENDING YOU MESSAGES FROM THE SAME ACCOUNT AND THEY ALL SEEM LIKE THE SAME PERSON WHAT WOULD U THINK.

another night of not being able to sleep

i dont know what it is but about once or twice a week i cant sleep. most of the time i just lay in my bed and think. that gets boreing after awile then some times i pase the floors. that can get get bothersome to other people in the house trying to sleep. iam dead tired and still cant sleep. i dont know why it happens it just dose. then i feel draned the next day and i dont want to get out of the bed to begain with and then its all ways some one b%@wz~$* about that. i have had trouble sleeping sence i was a kid and now that i have got older it seems to get worse. i think of the past alot and my past really isnt all that good to be thinking about. then i sit there and ponder on that shit. it seems like its all ways with me no matter what. witch i know that it is all ways going to be. my past is a part of me. but why do i have to think about it at all the wrong times? thats what gets me. there is alot of dark shit in my past that i would like to forget about but thats never going to happen.

most of the time this is when iam doing all my wrighting but tonight the wrighting dont want to come out of me and every thing that i have came up with as been sad or just dark and i dont want every thing i wright about and post to be dark and sad. i dont know if that makes any sence. there has to be a little happness in there some where. it just has to be when iam not thinking about my past and alot of my present as well. i have to look past all of that to find happness. i have to look really hard. some times its hard to find it so its best for me not to wright any thing. then if its sad its just going to bring tears to my eyes then i will never get to sleep. so iam damned if i do and damned if i dont.

most of the time when iam up like this my 4 year old it rite here next to me but she even crashed out early tonight. its quite in the house and when its like this i have to much time on my hands and my mind is free to roma. some times that can be a good thing and some times it can be a bad thing. i just like her being up with me because she dose know how to make me smile and laugh. my 10 year old has to go to bed early because of school so i try to keep it quite around here that way she will get the rest she needs. oh but if she could she would be rite up with me.

iam a night person any way i do most of my sleeping in the day time. its just iam use to some one being up in the house at all times. some one to talk to or something. not tonight so iam just siting here thinking and some times i would much rather not do any thinking at all. i use to be on here all night talking to every one and i dont get to do that much any more because i got so much going on that i have to try to sleep at night any more. when i use to be on here all night long i didnt think as much about the bad stuff and my past and all but now that i cant get on all night and most nights iam not on at all any more it makes things hard. because alot of times all i can do is sit here and think.

Butterflys

Butterflys




When I'm with you I get butterflies.
I love to gaze into your eyes.
The touch of your hand sends a chill.
I can't explain the way I feel.
These feelings are new.
The world goes away when I'm with you.
When you're gone my heart cries.
I dread the moment we say our good-byes.
Then I see you and my heart starts to heal.
I love you so much and I always will.

I'll Be There

I'll Be There


~When no one is there for you~
~And you think no one cares~
~When the whole world walks out on you~
~And you think you're alone~
I'LL BE THERE
~When the one you care about the most~
~Could care less about you~
~When the one you gave your heart to ~
~Throws it in your face~
I'LL BE THERE
~When all you need is a friend~
~To listen to you whine~
~When all you need is someone~
~To catch your tears~
I'LL BE THERE
~When your heart hurts so bad~
~You can't even breathe~
~When you just want to crawl up and die~
I'LL BE THERE
~When you start to cry~
~After hearing that sad song~
~When the tears just won't~
~Stop falling down~
I'LL BE THERE
~So you see I'll be there until the end~
~This is a promise I can make~
~If you ever need me~
~Just give me a call and'~
I'LL BE THERE'

Not Letting Anything Slip Away

Not Letting Anything Slip Away



Happiness,laughter,and fun
That's what we feel
Knowing from the beginning
That we would always be

Each time we have to say goodbye
Is more harder then the first
Harder to let go
Harder to let his hand slip away

Wanting to someday marry
Someday to have children
And to grow old together
Not letting anything slip away

We look at each other
With such passion and amazement
We can't take our eyes away
Away from each other

Knowing that we trust each other
And that we can make it work
That we will be together,till death do us part
Making it work

We love each other with all our hearts
Promising to never hurt each other
Promising to be there through hard times
Not letting anything slip away

We make each other so happy
When we are together,everything disappears
Everything is perfect

We will be together forever
Not letting anything slip away

some thing that i was told and something that i belive

if you love a friend or a famly member you say i love you too. if you love some one that is more then a friend then you just say i love you. if you kiss some one that you care about you kiss them with your eyes closed because that means you trust them. if you are kissing a loved one of family member friend you kisss them on the cheek and you kiss them with your eyes open. so if you are telling some one that you love them and they are more then a friend you nevre retrun with saying i love you too you just say i love you it means more. i dont know if that makes any sence to any of you but think about it.

WHY DO I STAY HERE!!!!!!

i dont know why i stay here? its all ways something going on and some one all ways trying to start shit. i have tryed to leave so many times. when i try something keeps me here. i know it has alot to do with not wanting to part with the friends that i have made here. we all have bonded and now i dont want to leave them. just if people would know how to act there age it might not be so bad here. just seems like every one comes here to act like we are in f%@*zw^ high school well guess what this isnt high school so leave the high school games out of the chat rooms. i use to be on all the time and now its like why bother? thats why i come on and then iam in and out any more. its just why play the games that most want to play here. one week this person loves this person then the next they hate eachother. come on f~*z people. i dont understand this shit at all any more.

i have kids and summer comeing up so i dont know how much time i will have to be on any ways that might be a good thing that way i dont have to leave all together just take a brake from it all and take my kids to there games and dance classes and just take a brake. i dont want to but i feel that is the best thing to do.


wire i use to enjoy comeing in. we all had fun. we didnt bz$%^ and fight and start trouble. wow this use to be now its just all ways some one bw*z~&%~ about this and that. or some one stalking you and makeing you feel like you cant go in to in any rooms or they come in and start on you. iam just sick and tired of all the bull shit that gos on here any more.

i have been here for 3 years now and the frist 2 years was good. this past year just isnt like it use to be. they change the chat rooms and they have changed wire so much and it still dose no good. what happen to a place to come and leave all your worries behind for just a lil bit? thats what i use to come here for and now its like what the fw%&.

iam tired of trying to come here and leave shit behind because some how it all ways comes up any way. alot of people have left because of how wire has changed it hasnt changed in a good way. i think the people that run wire should take a look at what is going on and make changes because they are going to have alot more people leaveing here. look at wire now and look at how it use to be and yall tell me what you think.

Why?

Why?



Why do I love you
With all my heart?
Why did I fall for you
From the start?

Why do you cause me
So much pain?
Why do you stick to my heart
Like a stain?

Why couldn't I see
You weren't gonna stay?
Why did I believe
You were gonna take the pain away?

Why did you play my heart
Like a game?
Why couldn't you ever
Feel the same?

Why do I sit
In my room all alone?
Why do I pray
You would call my phone?

Why did you end it
Right after our one year?
Why didn't it bother you
When you made my eyes tear?

Why cant I stop thinking of you,
Why can't I say goodbye
Why do I still get jealous
When I see you with another girl?

Why do you come back in my life
As soon as I'm letting go?
Why do I still get butterflies
When you just say hello?

Why can't I forget about you
And put you in the past?
Why does a part of me still believe
That me and you were made to last?

Frozen Love

Frozen Love



I always thought we'd grow old together.
Facing each new day.
But now, in the tears that fall upon my face.
Your memory fades away.

We walked with our problems in silence.
Dawn falling into dusk.
Leafs collecting at our cold and tired feet.
Along with what grieved us.

In my bedroom, surrounded by empty walls.
I want to scream and shout.
My mouth opens, but the tortured words...
Just won't come out.

You! This man I began to love.
Got lost for a "Nothing".
Everything we'd built, destroyed.
Over one careless fling.

Used to think I was so lucky.
I had it all.
Nothing unknown is knowable, so depressed.
You just watched me fall.

My heart bleeds.
The snow becomes red.
How life has mocked you.
Were you ever here? memories gone, dead.

Your like salt on an open wound.
Reminding me you once were here.
Warm like the blood in my veins.
The love I had for you, so dear.

In my distorted, broken dreams.
So empty, yet real.
I'm floating through air.
I touch your face, hoping to feel.

This frozen silence belongs to you.
I'm all that you see.
I only want revenge.
Giving back what you gave to me.

Sorry I loved you so.
And you didn't feel the same.
When I think of what could have been.
What a waste! Such a shame!

Stone by stone, I'll re-build my life.
I'm stronger when hardest hit.
I know only to well.
This is the time I must never quit.


My conscious asks the question.
I long to hear.
Is the grass really greener on the other side?
My conscious asks the question.
I will always fear.

Why Even Try

Why Even Try



You said you loved me

and you still say it's true

that doesn't justify all the shit that you do.

You hurt me

every single time that you lied

tore my insides up

shattered my pride.



But yet I stood by you

through thin and through thick

was depressed at times

even made me sick

I loved you, and hell i still do

Even for all the shit you put me through.



I love you each and every day

even though you cheated on me

I gave those hurt feelings away.

I opened myself up to you and this I do not regret

Warped And Twisted

Warped And Twisted


Harsh words and violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped and twisted
So many tricks and so many lies
Too many whens and too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped and twisted
Sleeping awake and choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone so warped and twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone, my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped and twisted
Burnt out, wasted, empty, and hollow
Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped and twisted

angels cry

Waiting For You

Waiting For You

You were the light that shined in my life
You were the sun, and the stars at night,
You loved me purely, simply, true,
I was alone until I found you,
I thought we would stay in that world forever,
You and I, always together,
Until that day when the rain fell hard
And your brother lost control of his brand new car,
I wish you had never gone with him that day,
The rain always falls now you've gone away,
I can't forget when they told me you were gone,
And how you died listening to our favourite song,
Your brother survived, and he told me all this,
How I wish I'd held onto that one final kiss,
Now all my world is drab and grey,
I miss you more with every passing day,
Still I wait for the day when I'm with you again,
A day when I can no longer feel the pain,
Until then I know you'll stay in my heart,
And that will never drive us apart,
For as long as I'm living, I'll be missing you,
But when it's all over, I'll still be true,
All of my life I was waiting for you,
Now you're gone, but not for me,
This love is forever, as it was always meant to be

Forever

Forever

Forever I will love you,
in my heart you always will be.

forever I will keep the memories
of when you were here with me.

forever I will miss your smile,
and the way you kissed my lips.

forever I will remember the soft touch
of your hands resting on my hips.

forever I will grieve for you,
with you a piece of me died.

forever I'll regret never getting a chance
to kiss you farewell and say goodbye.

in the past few years
I've shed so many tears
but,

never will I forget you
and,
forever I will love you.

A MILLION TIMES

A MILLION TIMES



I have seen you a million times
And every time I see you
I fall in love with you all over again
My heart starts to race
My frown turns into a smile
And all my worries are now in my past
When you smile at me my heart melts
You give the sweetest hugs
Every time you hug me
Your smile is like a new day
Your sense of humor is like no other
The ability you have to make me smile
Is all you need you love me
Your laugh is so soft and sweet
Just looking in your eyes
Makes me melt inside
Your lips look so soft
Soft enough to kiss
You, yourself relive me from all pain
Your hands are as soft as a pillow
The way you comfort me is amazing
Every time we say good-bye
I start to cry
I say good-bye to you too many times
I said good-bye to you a million times

To Love From A Distance

To Love From A Distance


Hoping for an opening
Waiting for a sign
Silly little heart, if only you could see
There is no chance for us to be
Still you cling on to every ounce of hope-blind to reality

Its what keeps you going
Faith beyond all knowing
For something as pure as this
Can’t be misguided bliss

There are no accidents
- “serendipity do”
Fate has brought you here
What have we to fear

To love if even from a distance
Is better than not at all
Kept inside all this time
A secret hidden from all
Never weakens, even when I try to reason and deny

Funny the hand we’re dealt
Struggle to find the meaning
Maybe they got this wrong
A secret only He knows

The wires, they were crossed
And in some bittersweet fate
I found you-
Just a little too late

Even the powers above
Couldn’t keep you from me
Meant to be
Silly little heart - you were never really free

The ups, the downs
My life turned inside out
But completely worthwhile
For as long as my heart can hold out

Where did everyone go
For I swear they were here
All is silent whenever you are near

It comes down to this
Nothing left to say
For my heart loves
What my mind cannot reason away

quote read them they make alot of sence to some

"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.”

quote

If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were.

quote

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

im not sure what to call this

me and my friend are talking today and she ask me she said what do you do when you are falling for a guy and u have only known him a short time? well i ask her how long is short? she said well 6mos i said 6mos if its been that long i think u might want to tell the guy fy*^. haha 6mos by then most of the time if u care about some one they fwxy@~$ know about it. any how so shes like iam going to tell him. so i was like ok go tell him. wrong thing to do.. i got to learn to shut up when iam still ahead. then she sends it back why dont u tell him. so im like thinking about this.. i was like do u really want me to do that haha? shes like yeah just tell him. i said hell no its not my place and if i say it trust me hes not going to like it. so shes like what are u going to tell him if u do. so i sent back well hey fw@w head my friend likes u and cares for u. so take it from there but if u hurt her ill brake your fx$@~%# neck. so she just gave me the look and was thinking about it and said i better do it. i wasnt really going to say that but i didnt want to tell the guy hell i didnt like the f~w*&y so its not my place to tell him. i got out of that really fast. so if u ever have a friend that wants u to tell a guy something for them use that line they wont ask no more if they do there is something wrong. hahaha iam f*@~&^# nuts any ways.

the thing about it is i didnt know that she was talking about the same guy for 6mos she really had feelings for him way befor the 6mos mark. she truely loves this guy. HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW HOW A FRIEND OF YOURS COULD LOVE A ASS HOLE LIKE HIM?? i have wanted to ask her that but i wont. hell if shes happy i guesss let her be.

then the conv gos on and she all ways ask me well do u feel that way for some one? yeah i feel that way for some one but will he ever know. most likely not. then i all ways get ask why. then i go on to say well if he dont know i care or that iam in love with him and i keep him as a friend i wont get hurt when its over. if its a friend ship and a good one them all ways stick no matter what. so if he is a friend i can have him in my life forever and never have to really let him go. but if i happen to tell him how i feel then something happens it dont work theres a friend ship gone and a heart brake i dont want to deal with. then when i say that she tells me iam crazy. that i should not hide my feelings the way i do on and on. i was like ha its just so easy for some people to love with hearts and arms wide open. they have never learned that its easer to keep some one at arms reach of you. dont let them all the way in because when u do u end up hurt ever time. if u love them try to hide it if u can for as long as u can its better that way. if they say i love u frist still try to hide it because when it comes out then nothing is never the same again.

love is not a game but so many people play it off as a game. well its not to be played with so why play with it its not rite. dont love some one one day and the next hate them. people dont get love and they dont get how hard it really is to make love last. nothing is perfect and love sure in the helll isnt. to make love work you got to work harder then u think. so dont try and love some one if you arent ready to work for the love. and if you work for it and its true love then it will last.

Baby im scared to love again

Baby im scared to love again

I'm so scared to love again
because i loved someone before
all he did was hurt me
and i gave him everything and more

he tore me apart
he hurt me in every way
he bruised my flesh
scarred my heart
and i took it day by day

but baby i feel your different
but my feelings mislead me with him
i climbed to the top of the tallest tree
and now I'm hanging by a limb

if i fall will you catch me?
or will i hit the ground again?
will i fall into the same old trap?
back into the same pain that i was in?

i cant do it, i cant take it, i cant even begin to explain
so baby if your being serious, please tell me your love will remain

Sensual Couple!

Sensual Couple!



There is a fire within us..
that only needs a touch to bring forth flame.
Passion ignites...
when I hear you whisper my name.
My body shivers... oh...
but not from cold...
but from the sweet anticipation...
of a desire that never seems to grow old.

I lay my head upon your chest..
kiss your skin softly.
I breathe in the manly scent of you...
it intoxicates me like wine...
making my senses whirl...
or maybe it is the way your hands...
are softly caressing my back...
making me melt...
yet every nerve is tingling...
with the need of you.

You gently lift me up and softly kiss my forehead
Sending chills all down my spine
Can't wait the anticipation...
Softly kiss up your body gently caress our lips...
My body fills with excitement and anticipation
Hands roaming each others bodies
Filling the silkiness of your skin

My heart starts pounding from pleasure
As your fingers run over my treasures
Gently sliding the key in as you begin to turn
Gently stroking my body
OHHHH MY GOD is all I could whisper...
Our passion increases...
Our souls ignited...
You lower down and kiss me passionately
and I know I am in Heaven
For I saw the flames burning in your eyes.

We Write A Song

We Write A Song


Those tender kisses that passionate touch the moisture our bodies create,Oh my God this is the ecstacy my body thrives on,this moment is the birth of love,our energy exchanges, together we are a binary convergence,our structure permeates the universal need of closeness,you and I escape with candles and a song,
I write a song for you,you write a song for me, we write a song for each other you and I,together we transend the harmony the melody, our tempo flucuates with the movement of our souls.it is just you I hold, nothing else exist, we are suspended in time dancing with the stars, can you feel it, my heart now beats only for you,each second we spend is eternal bliss, I am yours, you are mine, together we are a design a beautiful portrait, our love is a fortress,oh please let this last forever, every detail is perfected,oh baby can you hear it, the pleasure in my voice, we've created a symphony

Never Say Goodbye

Never Say Goodbye



I feel the time is getting close,
When we will have to part.
Ill show that I'll miss you,
With last words from my heart.

We must be dreaming,
For it has gone to fast.
The time we have spent together,
Will soon be in our past.

I'll forget this day is coming,
Today I stand here.
Trying to tell you,
How much I really care.

We'll go our seperate ways,
And I'll make it if I try.
Just hold on to our memories,
Never Say , Say Goodbye!!!

True Friendship

True Friendship




The hands of fate have twisted again
Altered the love I was to send
he saw me with a different eye
he waved as he left a tearful goodbye
My feelings for him will go forever unseen
To be hidden away like a forgotten dream
he'll never know as I cloud my eyes
I vow forever to keep this disguise
I can never open my heart he can never see
Exactly what he means to me
I smile and wave as rain falls from above
Now I know the meaning of unconditional love

Love Is Not A Game

Love Is Not A Game


The anger thrives in my fingers,
The pain tears at my heart,
The thought of our relationship lingers,
For we were never to part.
But you broke my heart,
You made the anger build inside,
You made the pain need to hide,
And now I'm left to cry,
On no one's shoulder but mine.
When no one else knows why,
Or how I feel,
They just assume I'm fine.
Yet, I'm left wondering if you care?
What could have been in the future for us to share?
And this whole time I thought you were the one,
But I guess you were just having fun,
Playing with my emotions.

snake in my bed

well i dont know if any one knows this about me. i guess the city has got to be considering i have been here sence i was 12. iam from tenn so use to snakes and spiders and bats didnt bother me. well yesterday it was 85 out side and i had alot that i had to do outside. my oldest started softball this week and i had to help her with her her stance and shit like that. then my 4 year old is in dance has been sence she was 3 and i needed to help her with some dace moves befor she gos back next week and it was a nice day so hell why not let her do her thing out side. the door was open all day long. well little did i know a snake would be out i mean the only thing we see around here are then garden snakes any way but still f^*x all that shit. i sleep in my basement because it is cool and dark down here. but we can get out side from the basement so i left the door open and had the kids out there. well then i had to go to soft ball with my 10 year old. so we take off o close and lock all the doors little did i know that fyz*%^& snake was done in the house and in my bed most likely. so we go to the soft ball feild and then after that we go for icecream and come back home. its spring brake here so after that we come home make a late dinner and watch i a movie and then i come down here to go to bed. iam laying here and i cant stand for nothing to touch my feet i feel something wraping its self around my feet i jump out of bed like a bat out of hell and turn on the light and this green snake is looking at me. i start yelling at the top of my f*z~@$# lungs. freaking out. and the kids and every one runs down the stairs and at that point iam in tears dont know why but i was. it wasnt like the thing could kill me or nothing like that. well they get it out of my bed. they want to let it go back out side and iam like f%$z that kill that lil son of a b*@y$ or i will. so they take it up the stairs with them wait until iam asleep and let it go out side it was on my front porch this morning. call me a sissy or what ever the hell you want but when it comes to snakes spiders and bats thats a heart atack waiting to happen with me. them things are nasty looking and scary looking as well. endless to say iam not dead from heart failer and the snake lived thanks to the people i live with rite now they are just people because iam pissed off because they didnt kill the damn thing.