My hearts Broken gaze

My hearts Broken gaze





My heart was strong and brave, it was golden and beautiful and I always gave.

Then you left me, and I must have took you for granted, now my hearts broken, twisted and slanted.

You told me you loved me you said I was sweet.
You said I was cool, smart, even neat.

The worst part is I believed you and I don’t know why, because now I see why you left me, because I’m just a simple woman.

I trusted my heart with the task of loving you. but I guess it wasn’t meant to be, for us two.

Now that your gone I’m all alone and lost, and I paid the price when I told you I loved you. Oh, if I’d only known the cost.

I see now that that my hearts gaze is broken, If it hadn’t been for the small amount of love still in my heart, today I never would have woken.

People call me depressed and lonely they say I’m going through a phase. When they ask me whats wrong I reply. ” My hearts broken gaze.”

UP DATE ON THINGS.

well here we go again with another one but i know that iam not on to let every one know how iam doing much any more so i will let the ones that do care know in blogs. iam sleeping all the time any more. my knee is still messed up and all of that. then i got nerv damage in my back and neck dont know if i told yall that or not. well sence the wreck i have a new thing starting to happen and its from the elbow down to my finger tips my arms will go numb and get really weak i dont know what is going on there. no i have not been back to the docter sence this started at all. iam hopeing that it will go away. iam still in alot of pain and things like that. the good thing is that iam walking with out them damn things that was killing my arms when my knee dose not want to go out on me that is.

the kids are doing good it is summer time so they are wanting to go swimming and do all kinds of things and so far they have got to do alot of things that they have wanted to do. thats a good thing that i can get out and let them go swimming and things like that. the only thing is is my 6 year old likes to get in the deeper water with the bigger kids and things like that but i cant hold her up to well because i dont know if my knee is going to go out on me or not. well her dad gets in with her and things like that so that she can get in the deeper water that way if my knee dose go out i dont fall and take her under water i dont want her scared of water like i was at her age and still to this day i dont like water in my face. i dont want her like that.

on fathers day we all went to the movies and they watched that not so bummer summer and that movie is not going to make to much money my kids was the only ones in that movie. we let them watch that movie then we went and watched the green lantaren that was good. then the girls came in and watch the last bit of what we was watching and liked it as well. they are into the comic book movies but i think alot of us are any more. we try to go to the movies at lest once a week with the kids they love to go and things like that. this week i think it is swimming again iam not sure.

every one ask me why i do this with all the pain iam in. well heres the answer to that. your kids are only small for so long and you dont get to keep them little forever no matter how much you try. so no matter how much pain iam in or how pissed of of a mood iam in because of every thing that has went wrong this year iam going to push my self to do things with them that way they have something that they can rember and things like that. just because iam hurting hafe the time dose not mean that a child's life stops. so some times you got to go threw the pain and deal with it so your kids get to have fun and get to have time with the family things like that. just because i dont want to go out of the house dose not mean they are not going to want to so i have to push my self to go out the door that is nothing new tho i have always been like that when it comes to summer i dont like the heat. my 6 year old dont like it that much either she might go out side but she dont stay long when it to hot. this week dont look like the heats going to be to bad but that all could change in a day yall know how the wether is.

as for me there is still days that i dont want to get out of bed to face the day. that is why i dont get on here to much if iam in a bad mood i tend to take it out on every one so i try to stay away from every one. well the best i can any ways. then when u are siting here on the computer and your leg gets a cramp in it or starts to kill you or your back starts hurting then u would want to get off too. i got alot of things going on with my body that i have to work on fixing so there is going to be days iam not going to be on here and there is going to be days that i might get on just to say hi and that might be it.

Love So Pure

Love So Pure



its sweet like the nectar
of the garden flower,
its soothing like the buzzing
of a bumble bee,
its warm like the rays
of the morning sun,
its the search of a love so pure
which keeps me on the run.

its the pulse in my vein,
the thoughts in my brain,
in every breath that I take,
the smile my lips make,
its in the twinkle of my eye,
till the day I die.

its the dream in my sleep,
its springs freshest leaf;
a love so rare like this
will always be with me for keeps.

its the warmth of my blood,
as my feelings flood,
as says my heart's beat,
its depth touches the ocean's feet.

even if its heart searing pain,
with nothing to gain,
I will feel it as the tear on my cheek,
and without words my soul will speak.

Tears Of A Broken Heart

Tears Of A Broken Heart



I have given all my love to you, but what do I get in return?
A broken heart.
I have given you my heart, and you stomp on it like a doormat.
I have given you my youth and you took advantage of my un-experienced heart and played with my emotions.
I gave you all the trust, but you misused it.
I gave you the benefit of the doubt, and you proved everyone right.
I gave you my life and you killed me day by day.
I want to pull my aching heart and tear it piece by piece, So I no longer love you.
I want to loose my memory so I no longer think of you.
I want to go so far so I no longer have to see you.
I want to cry but I no longer have any more tears to fall down
my sad lonely face.
I want to sleep but my dreams haunt me with you in them.
I can’t seem to find a way out. What do I do?
I don’t want anyone to see this not even you.
How do I get out of this?
How do I stop this misery? How do solve this mystery?

A Heart In Pain

A Heart In Pain

I will never forget the days we once had
The days when you were everything to me
My mind used to tell me we'd be together forever
But now I realize that was all a big dream
The feelings I have for you will never go
I wish I could take back that one regretful day
The day when I willingly let you slide from my arms
Never did I think of the astonishing pain of regrets
That I would once have to live through
The sight of you in someone else's arms
Makes my heart shatter into a million pieces
I sometimes wonder if you still think of me
Or if to you, I'm just a face in the crowd
I wish so very much that one day we can have it all back
But for now, I'll sit here silently
Remembering all the memories we once shared
Everyday my love grows much stronger
Hoping that one day you will feel the same
And put back the pieces of my broken heart.

Life And Lies

Life And Lies



Tired of each lie
The circle of broken ties
Life is such superficial
We look at the face
Not at the eyes

A stare to the ceiling
And the search for the stars
Life is such superficial
Stars are for the sky
Not for the ceiling or the walls

Everything is being done
With a constant compromise
The endless track of a sacrifice
Life is such superficial
we paint the canvas
But what remains is the dye

Drowning in the past
Feels so real the smiles
Life is such superficial
We cry for the smile
So that we can again smile

We hear the voices
The voices we speak
Life is such superficial
We never hear the inner voices
That everyone speaks

Life is such superficial
The superficial lie
Everything is like a mirror
The reflection
Being the superficial lie

Life is such superficial
Today we live
Tomorrow we die

Silence, Emptiness, And Confusion

Silence, Emptiness, And Confusion



Silence builds an awful wreckage of a girl
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture
A teenager is stricken and destroyed

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
The little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray

Emptiness builds a home in this woman
In this girl, this child where hollows have bred
A deepening sea of nowhereness consumes
And eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.

Love And Heartacke

Love And Heartacke


Have You ever loved someone
But knew they didn't care?
Have You ever felt like crying
But Knew you'd get no where?

Have you ever looked into their eyes
And said a little prayer?
Have you ever looked into their hearts
And wished that you were there?

Have you ever felt their heartbeat,
When the lights were turned down low?
Have you ever whispered "God, I love You"
But you'll never let me show?

Love is grand, yet it hurts so much.
The price you pay is high.
If I could choose between Love and Death,
I'd rather choose to die.

So do not fall in love, my friend,
It doesn't pay a dime.
It only causes broken hearts,
Yet it happens all the time.

So do not fall in love, my friend,
You'll hurt before it's through.
I ought to know, my friend -
I fell in love with you.

Alone,Dark,and Cold

Alone,Dark,and Cold


If only it were so simple,
to cruise through life smelling roses;
but the obstacles blacken the countryside,
and we unwittingly crush them beneath our boots.

Dreams sustain us through the madness;
goals give a finish line to our race.
Yet they change with every turn, around every wall,
and remain elusive throughout the quest.

Mistakes are made, and regrets are our luggage;
we will drag them with us to slow us down.
The victories are flashes of light, sudden and unlasting, which allow us
to glimpse the road ahead before darkness descends.

Love is bitter, yet it is the bread that keeps us.
Over and over it fills us up, only to starve us.
The people whom we love shape our destinies and our strengths,
yet leave us cold and alone in the darkness.

There are others trying to race to the end;
occasionally, we bump into one or two.
The bonds we form help us down the path less lonely
but eventually, we lose each other in the darkness.

Alone is not a bad way to be;
it clears your head and focuses you on the journey.
Cherish the short intervals during the quest you have with others,
but be prepared to walk alone in the darkness.

Sadness

Sadness


And so it came to be
this isolation that I am
I can only look to me
to find the way it all began -
this confusion, constant
hunger for something more than this
I strive to find this being
that I envision, yet seem to miss.
Could it be that I am empty-
or maybe a little lost?
Could it be that I am lonely,
or seek happiness at any cost?
This never-ending Something
that I am living deep inside,
depicts the illusion of myself
and all I have to hide.

UP DATE ON THINGS

well as yall know on may 14th i was in a car wreck sence then i have been in alot of pain and it seems like the pain gets worse every day. i still have not had the time to go to the docter or do any thing to find out what all is wrong with me. this year has been one hell of a year i know that. just seems like every time i think that there is going to be some kinda light or something that will shine more bad shit starts to happen. just seems like something is trying to keep me down and out for some reason. cant get in the kitchen to cook or do any thing like that. it just sucks. i stay tired because it takes every thing i got to get from one room to the next. i just dont know. all i know is that i need alot more rest then what iam geting.

they gave us a rental car well more like a gas hog and a truck that is to big that is. it was a 2011 dodge ram and we had a ford fushion so it went from me being able to get in the car to haveing to pull my self up in this big ass truck. the good news is that we should have our car back some time this week. thats the only good thing that is comeing out of this is that we are geting our car back and i can get in and out of it with out pulling my self any way up or down. because that just kills my arms more so with the cruches and all of that shit. iam going to get in to the docter as soon as i can well iam hopeing any way because i want this damn pain to stop that is all that i know. the pain is enugh to kill any one. i have always took pain very well and i dont know if its because of my age or what it is makeing me take it so hard right now.

then my 6 year old has gave me a cold on top of all the other shit that is going on and when you are sick yall know that your body ackes and hurts all over any ways so now the pain is worse then what it was befor the cold. i want to sleep all the damn time iam just down. i dont want to be bothered with any one i just want to be left alone and to be able to sleep. i dont know if that is because of the pain or if it is because iam just falt out down and out and sick of all the shit that has been going on this year.

iam done on meds for depresshion and all of that and iam starting to wonder if every thing that is going on has made it worse made me more so depressed then what i all ready was or what is going on with that. yes i know i dont seem like the person that would be on meds for being depressed but iam. me i have learned to deal with it and put a smile on and not let any one know that iam depressed and i got all this shit going on and going wrong with me. any one can play a happy person but take off the smile and look in the eyes and most people can tell when it is just so no one knows what is really going on. that dose not make it not a real person or dose not make me who iam that is what alot of people dont get. i still tell it how it is iam still as real as real can be and thats just it. i dont see even my self with how real iam and how iam that all this shit can happen to me. yeah i know some love me and some hate me because iam honest and i tell it how it is but that dose not matter to me.

all i know is this year has been so bad and i cant recall any of the years other then when i was a child being this bad. so that tells you something right there. iam just sick of all the shit that is going on with my family. for once why cant it be some one else. yes i know that there is some one some where in this world that has got it way more worse then i do out there some where i know there is. to tell you the truth i really feel sorry for the people out there in this world that has got it worse then i do because i wouldnt wish this on any one what so ever. i wouldnt want this shit to happen to any one.

iam thinking about going back to bed and just sleeping sleeping until i cant sleep no more. iam just really tired and i want to really sleep. thats all i want to do. that is what pisses me off more then any thing because me sleeping like this takes time away from my kids time that i cant get back. time that i should be spending with them not falling asleep or yelling and all of that shit about being in pain when iam awake. my kids should not have to see that. no kid should have to. life is what you make of it yes this i do know. what do you do when life is just tareing every thing apart and driveing you up a f%^@^~@ wall? what do you do then? what do you do when the only thing you want to do is spend time with your family? when you cant it hurts pisses you off makes you mad. i can go on with that list but i wont because no one most likely is going to read this and care any how.

Compared To You

Compared To You





When you stood in the doorway
engulfed in summer shadow
and waved goodbye to me,
I made a silent promise to the setting sun
and hoped you would hear me.

I'll never love another like I love you,
I never make a promise I don't intend to keep.
It doesn't really matter if you don't feel like that;
Compared to you, they're only second best to me.

They followed me around, offerin' me kisses,
gold, and diamond rings.
But to each of them I said,
"Hey, Honey, I'm sorry, but I know my heart's desire. "

I'll never love another like I love you,
I never make a promise I don't intend to keep.
It doesn't really matter if you don't feel like that;
Compared to you, they're only second best to me.

Dream Lover

Dream Lover





he wakes every morning with a smile
on his face.
he felt her love in his sleep.
Dreamed of her embrace.

Although he's never met her body.
Her heart he does feel.
Anytime he has loved before.
Has never felt so real.

There is no explanation for it.
Not one has he yet found.
But OH my god the feeling he gets when
she is around.

Although it may end tomorrow.
The memory will not fade.
For in his heart a life long friend.
he feels that he has made.

he hopes it last forever.
he prays that they do meet.
he dreams of the day his online love.
sweeps him off his feet.

Wings To Fly

Wings To Fly

How can I always lend a hand
But ignore the cries within myself
It brings me joy to bring you a smile
But my emptiness still sits up on the shelf

Inside my heart will always bleed
But I will never let it be shown on my face
Only the tear that falls down my cheek
Will give you a glimpse, a shadow, a trace

I suffocate when I try to breathe
The chains you gave won't let my body go
I have dreams, and needs, and wants
My body is numb, I think maybe you should know

I struggle with my demons each day
You feed them while you slowly watch me die
Please let me be and please set me free
I want to smile as I look up at the sky

I want the moon to brighten the night
I want the clouds to pass me on by
I want the stars to guide me
And I want wings to life me and fly