Can I forgive myself

There are things in my past which I look with utter disgust. I ask myself how could I have acted that way. Or have thought that.

The question to myself is can I forgive my self for wanting a darker power in my life ?

I will try to be a positive light rather than a negtive darkness

I reason that I can try to be better. Forget the past. And where I fall short pray by the grace of God things will work out for me

A good day

I just want to say how wonderful i feel. I went for a walk around a park it was great. I got some exercise i took a few photos and had a nice time. I felt tired after my walk and after enjoying the park I went and got a soda and went home, but i am thankful for how nice the day was and the opportunity to enjoy life

Gram of Gold

I may never own a house, or win the lotto or marry someone and have a happy ever after

But for my 48 birthday I decided to get myself a treasure.

I brought a gram of gold for 75$ dollars.

I now have some silver and gold.

Besides these earthly treasures i think i have some spiritual treasures that i can be proud of.

Losing Weight

I am proud to say that I have lost weight, I now weigh 255 lbs and I am continue to lose weight

Living with mental illness

I live with a mental illness. It is Schizophrenia. I hear sounds, vocies and talk that not there, I am also prone to delusions.

I began to have problems with real life over a decade ago. I worked in a store as the custodian maintenance, or stockmen. I began having problems with delusions. I thought that I was hearing peoples thoughts out loud, I thought I was experiencing psychic abilities, the ability to make things happen for example make people sick, and I thought I knew when others were close by.

Since I was delusional I had some very bad behavior that I am not proud of. I had a huge totally mental break down and I left work one day. I had problems with finding another good job for a while with my problems growing and I stagnant not doing anything for a long while.

Mean while I didn't get help because I was so confused. It wasn't until I was at a new job and I was hearing voices in an empty building that I knew I had a major problem. It was then I sought help

It took a long time before I actually got diagnosed and was put on meds that would help me.

I now get a shot every month that helps with combating the voices. Life has given me some up and downs, but I thankful for the ability to reason, But there are still nights when the night air howls I hear voices.

Now when I hear a voice, I do a few things first I question is the voice real, second is it telling me to do something good, or bad ?

so do me a favor and wish me good luck

Find a gem among your coins

I recently discovered an odd looking coin among my dimes, I went on line and discover it's 90% silver and may cost up $15 dollars, I can't wait to take to a coin shop and find out what it is really worth

Some 20 years later

last night I dreamt about a person who inspired me to get my drivers license. I was at least in my 20s and I had low expectations for myself, low self esteem.

If it wasn't for this girl showing me some kindness and respect, and her father taking me for a drive one night I might had never decided to try to live my life and get a drivers ID.

At that time I wanted to be more. I consider that girl to be my muse

in my mind that girl is always saying you can do better, so be better

Thank you Muse, where you are <3

Good Eye Sight 2

The year is now 2021 and on October the 6 I went to the eye doctor, and to find out I still don't need glasses, and still the best part is that my diabetes still has not infected my eyes

I am a pacifist

I am a pacifist
I want to have good thoughts
I don't want to hurt or harm anyone
I want people to be healthy and happy
I want to stay away from people that wish me harm
or have negative thoughts towards me
I have a desire that we as a people can be happy
and healthy and help one another
Lets remember to be kind and forgive each other too

Coins

Today I spent over 30 dollars on getting the 2021 Silver Eagle

Horray for my coin collection !!!

p.s. I also got a Mercury Silver Dime