One more day to go and dreading it

So friday is my grans funeral. After 2 weeks in a coma it was no suprise but im so dreading the funeral. My family have asked me to take out my piercings, cover my tattoos and hide my purple hair under a hat, so im gonna be mega uncomfortable. I dont see how falsifying yourself can be showing respect but im being forced to, so, oh well. Unfortunately, being the emotional retard that i am, my gran never really got to know me so well or how i loved her. None of my family did. So i would like to take the opportunity to speak where my family wont find me and say Gran, i loved you dearly, im sorry i was never there, and im so sorry your last few weeks were so painful. I will always miss you dearly and regret not spending more time with you. Forever rest in peace xxx