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July 14th - Everything Changed

July 14th 2021 was the day. It was the day that everything changed for me. It changed how I see myself, how I see the world, how I want to interact with and appreciate those I love. It was the day that I realized that I’m not as immortal as I once believed I was. July 14th was the day that I found out what true fear really is, and the day that I made a decision that I would not allow that fear to dictate how I am going to spend the rest of my days here on the planet we call home.
Before I go on, I want you to know that I am not seeking sympathy. I don’t want your pity, and I will not weep for myself, nor do I wish that anyone weep for me. The things that I will say here will be said because I promised myself, and my daughter, that I would not lie nor try to hide it should something like this happen.
My voice is diminished, perhaps permanently, and I may never sing again. But my spirit is angry and roars with sound and fury at what I have learned. My heart is hardened, my will become steel, and I will not surrender. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. July 14th – everything changed. I now have a new appreciation for every fucking minute that I’ve ever lived, and those that yet remain for me to live. While I may never be able to travel as I’ve always wished, and there are things in life that I would love to do that may never happen, I’m ok with that. What is important is that I stop wasting so much time – a habit that I built over years of laziness and apathy about my own future. A habit that was never fair to myself, or to my child.
July 14th. That was the day that everything changed. That was the day that I realized that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. That was the day I realized that depression is an anchor I can no longer afford to weigh. That was the day that I realized that my resolve could withstand the most ferocious of blows. The day I found out that my psyche could stand up to the most ghastly news one might hear.
July 14th was the day I was diagnosed with cancer on my vocal left cord.
Make no mistake. I will not surrender. I will not yield. I will not allow this to defeat me.
I’ll see you on the other side of this once this monster has been defeated.
I will win.