loving a psychopath

there once was me and everything great about me. <BR>when i look back now at what i was and more importantly who i was i cant even face my own reflection. <BR>i am ugly and on the inside too, (funny enough that use to be one of my favourite lines)...now its true. i dont know what happened and didnt realise how fast i lost every bit of me, everything that was great. i met too many people who i only later realised were sinkers, those dead weights that pull you down...by that time it was too late i had a dysfunctional group of friends and love, i was heading down fast, the infection (that would later kill me) was spreading. i had managed to fit in with the misfits. these people are cruel, sick and dont care about themselves or anyone else.<BR>i hate it and now i hate them. the only thing they ever did for me was bring out the ugly in me- the dark, sadistic sick f&zy i can be. <BR>the problem is if you spend enough time with people, you get to care about them and love them, their faults become forgiveable and accepted.<BR> Loving psychos is nothing but a burden, relationships that result in giving, always giving, always forgiving and constantly being hurt. i dont have these friends anymore and i dont miss them, i am sad though when i remember myself with them. they have destruct frome anothe in the meantime so now we only watch each other from distances...i had to hit rock bottom before i had enough i stil feel sick when i look upon their faces...<BR>did things get better? did i learn anything?. ofcourse not...with the package of those mentioned before came this guy...i fell in love so quick and so hard i didnt know what hit me. since day one this was going to be different. iv never felt this overwhelmed. it wasnt a happy start, there were and is happy times, were stil together and its easier to love him than walk away. i am now emotionally dependant on a obsessive manic depressed ay@z~z^. i hate myself for stil being in this situation but how can i escape, i fall apart eveytime. this is not who i am i remind myself quite reguraly but im so addicted to love, to him that i am afraid what will happen to me if i do leave. i am happy too, but i cannot ignore everything anymore... 

slave girl

<P>i have the worst job in the world. i am a part time waitress. granted i do work in a classy restaurant but its stil a profesion that can chew at your nerves and taunt your soul. all night long you kiss ass, fake smiles and gladly accept complaints. my theory on serial killers go hand in hand with waitressing... serial killers- kill for pleasure, the repeadetly murder and feel no remorse. no consciounce= no remorse. what makes a person hit a point in life where you can take a life of another and not feel anything besides joy...how far do you have to be pushed?how long until you've had enough? the restaurant business pushes fw^w@~w hard. waitrons become psychopaths!the occupants at table 17 is going down...and 6 feet under.<BR><BR>here is a worthwile <EM>tip </EM>for anyonw who likes going to dinner... DONT MESS WITH THE PEOPLE WHO HANDLE YOUR FOOD.<BR><BR>when you offer your time to work, your selling your services. time is life, how much time does the average human being spend on this planet? how much of your life do you sell? and at what price?<BR>what is your life worth....<BR><BR></P>

its sunday

<FONT face=Georgia size=4>what we, or at any rate what I, refer to confidently as memory- <BR>meaning a moment, a scene, a fact that has been subjected to a fixative and thereby rescued from oblivion- is really a form of storrytelling that goes on continually in the mind and often changes with the telling. too many conflicting emotional interests are involved for life ever to be wholly acceptable, and possibly it is the work of the storytelling to rearange things so that they conform to this end. in any case, in talking about the past we lie with every breath we draw.<BR> How often is it that we find ourselves inventing or rearanging a new narrative....</FONT>

just another day

<P>im so proud of myself i joined the gym and tomorro is D-Day...hehe yeah im feeling really good about this and this time im really gonna stick to it. by my birthday im not only gonna be hot im gonna be super super super hot! hahaha yeah... actually iv never been fazed by that kinda thing its all to much part of that superficial world (which i just love to hate.)..but i just perhaps want to do something different, going to the gym is not really anything profound or even close to it but im really excited....haha. to think the only reason why i said yes in the first place was for supporting my best friend in her going...but now im so stoked. im gonna do treadmill, yoga, pilates, spinning, weights and im gonna get so strong...grrrr so im apologising in advbance for any obsessive gym talk...<BR><BR></P>

roxette will always be cool!!

i dont know how old i was..6?, 7? but i remember singing along to roxette lyrics everyday on the way to school. Unfortunely i wasnt into the school thing not even at that age but some of my fondest memories involving my father took place on the way to school singing to <EM>joyride</EM> or <EM>how do you do</EM>.<BR>even today, at the worst time at the worst possible moment i can stil c%*%z a smile when that song starts playing, everyone has <EM>that</EM> song. The song that you feel belongs to you, the one that makes you feel sexy even when you are having a fat day. Even when my relationship with my favourite person in the world came to breakpoint, i still felt better when listening to it. <BR><BR>This might be corny... but thats okay.  <BR><BR>i see you comb your hair now, you gimme that grin<BR>you'r making me spin now, spinning within...

william wordsworth is gay.

im kidding! but seriously he is such a moutful....blah blah blah everything is just flowers and pretty rainbows and little clouds and dew drops! i am so bored and lazy and i blame wordsworth and anything romanticism. <BR><BR>oh well he is not that bad. im just laaaazy.