“Darts” 5/19/20

I looked in your eyes and no longer saw love, it was then I wondered if it was all a masquerade that ended in you setting my heart aflame only to leave it in ashes after silently choking it out.

Were the hours spent looking into my eyes a simple trick to mesmerize me with the windows to the soul of the heartless? Not because of my actions but the wounds from lovers past and long since gone.

Wondering as water forms into my eyes, will you look at me and realize that I am different for a reason... I am here to go more than a season. I don’t need your sex when I only ever wanted your heart...

Why did we start like flames only to seem as if quickly falling apart? Will you face the music or keep your darts....

Renegade poem by me 1/21/20

It’s weird how freely my heart gives but silently hoping that it will be truly appreciated and not taken for granted and not just accepted as a given just because I care.... but to also hope deeply that it is reciprocated freely and with the same loving look in their eyes as mine were when I gave....

I don’t think that’s too far fetched to ask for.....
I don’t think wanting what I want is too much
And I’m worth it all
Everything
Or
Nothing

You are the one afraid
Because you finally realize
You’re the one on the fall
I’ve already risen in love
My energy glaring like a Phoenix
Wings spread
My belief shatters your facades
It took decades
to make my mind a grenade
A well educated
Soul inflated

Renegade on the move
You ride as I flew as
We dance & we move
Light & dark
Blinded by fear
Yet kindled with a spark

Surprise me
Re imagine me
Lay with me in the dark
Play with me in the park
Though I sadden at the impending ending
Will it birth a better start?

“Good” people “bad” people

There is no Good and bad People. To See Yourself Good and others bad is Ignorance to Who You are and judgment, the worst quality of Human Being. That's Duality, judgment, Separation, ignorance to Who We All are. To call People bad means One does not Know Their Self and should do the Work on Their Self. We all are the Embodiments of the Source that I AM and not the separation of the false Ego that We are not and covered Us in time and is causing separation, Attachments and opposition. Everyone is Love that I AM underneath Everything that I AM not.

There is only I AM. There is no Good and bad People, Everyone is just Experiencing this Game of Separation untill They find Their Self that I AM. There is only I AM and I AM Beyond Duality of Good and Bad. I AM Love and I AM You. Everyone is exactly where They are supposed to Be, Learning about Love in the Best Way Their Soul Knows Best for Them, there is no bad People, there is only I AM. Everyone is the Best as They can Be this Moment, only next Moment They can be Better. Everyone is Experiencing just the Best, Learning the Best Lesson They need to Master.

The Lesson and Experience which is the Best for Their Soul Growth and Their Soul has to Experience to Master. There is no Good or bad People. Everyone is Right and Best They can be in this Moment, no One can be Better. We all are Embodiments of the Source that I AM, Learning about Love that We are, in Union or in Separation with that I AM, in Harmony or in Opposition, We all are Learning about Love. There is no bad People. There is only I AM Learning about Myself, I AM Everyone. From the Eye that I AM there is no Bad People. That's Duality, judgment and separation. Source that I AM Neutral. Everyone is just Playing the Game of Forgetfulness to ReMember the One that I AM, Learning about Their Self that I AM and Every Choice is Honored as Respected, for Soul Knows Best and Reality is served accordingly to what is chosen. There is no bad People. If You See bad People You don't Know Yourself, They are You that I AM. For I AM only Playing with Myself through Everyone that I AM in Separation and forgetfulness of Illusion of Duality with Everyone that I AM. There is only that I AM and there is no other, I AM only Playing with Myself through Everyone that I AM, I AM only Scratching My own back to Know Myself on Every Level through Everyone that I AM in Union or in Separation, in Darkness or on the Light in Being that I AM or in Total forgetfulness, in Union with Everyone that I AM or in Separation in My Ego. There is no Good or bad People. There is only I AM, Playing with Myself on All Levels that I AM to Know Myself that I AM You and Everyone that I AM. There is no Good or bad People. There is only I AM. And I AM only Playing with Myself to get to Know Myself. To an Enlightened Man there are only Healed People that Know Their Self that I AM and People Who need Healing, Who still don't Know their Self that I AM that We all are and there is no other. There is no Good and bad People, there is only I AM Playing with Myself. I AM Love.

Doms, do they really exist? Rant written by half asleep me

A lady expressed her frustrations dealing with self titled dom men whom she saw trying to jump everything like yorkie.... they didn’t care who they got into virtual or physical bed....

This led to me stating the below response:

I can’t believe they ever claimed to be a dom see 50 shades of grey has all these horny idiots thinking they are doms just because they want to impose themselves on you and tell you what to do..... being a dom isn’t about any of that even though some doms might be into other aspects of the bdsm spectrum.....

A true dom is in control of himself long before he ever engages in anything with someone else

I’m not looking for a hump everything hurt me 50 shades dom.... I’m lookin for a true dom a top alpha male dom..... that’s got control over himself first and knows how to really awaken someone like me ya know generally speaking

But then there’s these 50 shades fans also letting these fake doms think they really are doms when they’re really just horny somewhat sex deprived beta males...

A Lover Asked His Beloved....

A Lover asked his Beloved,
“Do you Love yourself more than you Love me?”
Beloved replied:
“I have died to myself and I live for you,
I’ve disappeared from myself and my attributes,
I am present only for you.
I’ve forgotten all my learnings,
But from knowing you I have become a scholar.
I have lost all my strength,
But from your power I am able.
I Love Myself,
I Love You.
I Love You,
I Love Myself.

~ Rumi

One day a spiritual leader sat with me, and this was our conversation

Me: tells a lot of things from life story, lot of observations etc some judgments (im being 100% raw and honest regardless of his response because that is what i was asked)

Leader's first response: stop giving a f&%$, you're sad because you've starting giving too many f*&$s followed by a lengthy period of silence with a calm smile

2 nd response, Why are you so hard on yourself,stop trying to see yourself the way they see you....The people who judge you feel insecure themselves which is why they need to judge you. You're the shiny in the window. (chuckles)

3 rd Everyone thinks they know the answer to the popquiz of this reality and will fight you in every possible way if you challenge that which they hold true.

4 Everyone likes your style until it feels challenging to their reality

5 People are terrified of real change or just stuck in habit... The unknown is the greatest motivator for some peoples actions... whether it be joining a movement or belief or marrying etc.... they cannot stand the fear of not knowing something for sure. You my dear, need to become comfortable with the darkness, the unknown

6 Fly by the seat of your pants woman, LIVE get out there take chances meet people and let them see this bad ass goddess im sitting with right here.

7 you're not here to be like everyone else, you know this so stop trying to fit in and just BE. Those who love you will stay, those who don't wont last.And sometimes you're only meant to walk a road with others for a certain amount of time, so that you can create a catylyst of energy for them to use whichever way they like...Your presense in people's lives helps them take turning points... where they need them the most...

Your energy makes it impossible for those of false love to stick around or last...They will always show themselves to you one way or another... You're not here for the weak minded and insecure, don't try to lower yourself to meet them...Let them raise their vibration to meet you and in doing so you both will be better for it. This is how you help. Just be yourself. Your energy already magnetizes people to you.

8 Some will wake up with you, but you cannot make them, only provide breadcrumbs so they can wake themselves. In other words if they are spiritually starving, and you've been leaving bread crumbs...its not your fault they're starving...stop feeling bad for people. Some people see your heart and thats how they take advantage...

9 if it feels like muck to your intuition its muck, don't let the blind lead you when you have 3 fully working eyes to see with...

We sat for a while but these were the main things he impressed upon me that i wanted to share with you.

Letters A-L ***Animated Emote Dictionary***

All emotes can be made by putting words between colons like :this:

= angel
= agree
= area51
= bacondance
= banana
= banghead
= banned
= bighug
= blahblah
= bolt
= bowdown
= bsflag
= burn
= cat
= cheer
= cries
= cube
= cylon
= dance
= deal
= deadhorse
= dog
= dramaqueen
= drool
= duel
= duh
= evilbanana
= eyebrow
= eyeroll
= excited
= facepalm
: fishslap: = fishslap
= flirty
= friendkiss
= goodluck
= haha
= happy
= howl
= hug
-heart
= headspin
= hysterics
= highfive
= hides
-hockey
= laugh
= lightsaberduel
= lmfao
= love




I'm practicin for the wordylympics ::

What Does Name "Quinzel" Mean

You have a fine mind, and you like to talk. A relationship with unknown forces gives you secret strength and an air of mystery. You are deep. You seems to know what people think. You are diplomatic and know how to keep secrets. You attract money. You can be very unusual in habits and interests.Emergencies may raise your intuitive abilities in order to resolve conflict or situation. You become very creative under the pressure, and have quite original ideas to make the best out of it.
You are seeking freedom, opportunities to enjoy life: to make love, to go places and to do things. You are very adventurous and willing to take risk to achieve your objectives. New ways and new experiences can't satisfy your restless nature. One adventure leads you to another. You are honest and fair, because you know that this is the only way to receive justice and honesty from other people. But your personal growth is vital for your, and it is difficult to be tied down by rules and obligations. Your restless spirit might best controlled by choosing the field of work that meet your demand for action and adventure.

***International Flags Dictionary***

= ad = Andorra
= ae = United Arab Emirates
= af = Afghanistan
= ag = Antigua & Barbuda
= ai = Anguilla
= al = Albania
= am = Armenia
= an = Netherlands Antilles
= ao = Angola
= ar = Argentina
= as = American Samoa
= at = Austria
= au = Australia
= aw = Aruba
= az = Azerbaijan
= ba = Bosnia and Herzegovina
= bb = Barbados
= bd = Bangladesh
= be = Belgium
= bf = Burkina Faso
= bg = Bulgaria
= bh = Bahrain
= bi = Burundi
= bj = Benin
= bm = Bermuda
= bn = Brunei Darussalam
= bo = Bolivia
= br = Brazil
= bs = Bahama
= bt = Bhutan
= bv = Bouvet Island
= bw = Botswana
= by = Belarus
= bz = Belize
= ca = Canada
= cc = Cocos (Keeling) Islands
= cd = Democratic Republic of the Congo
= cf = Central African Republic
= cg = Congo
= ch = Switzerland
= ci = Côte D'ivoire (Ivory Coast)
= ck = Cook Iislands
= cl = Chile
= cm = Cameroon
= cn = China
= co = Colombia
= cr = Costa Rica
= cu = Cuba
= cv = Cape Verde
= cx = Christmas Island
= cy = Cyprus
= cz = Czech Republic
= de = Germany
= dj = Djibouti
= dk = Denmark
= dm = Dominica
= do = Dominican Republic
= dz = Algeria
= ec = Ecuador
= ee = Estonia
= eg = Egypt
= eh = Western Sahara
= er = Eritrea
= es = Spain
= et = Ethiopia
= fi = Finland
= fj = Fiji
= fk = Falkland Islands (Malvinas)
= fm = Micronesia
= fo = Faroe Islands
= fr = France
= ga = France, Metropolitan
= gb = United Kingdom (Great Britain)
= gd = Grenada
= ge = Georgia
= gf -French Guiana
= gh = Ghana
= gi = Gibraltar
= gl = Greenland
= gm = Gambia
= gn = Guinea
= gp = Guadeloupe
= gq = Equatorial Guinea
= gr = Greece
= gs = South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands
= gt = Guatemala
= gu = Guam
= gw = Guinea-Bissau
= gy = Guyana
= hk = Hong Kong
= hm = Heard & McDonald Islands
= hn = Honduras
= hr = Croatia
= ht = Haiti
= hu = Hungary
= id = Indonesia
= ie = Ireland
= il = Israel
= in = India
= io = British Indian Ocean Territory
= iq = Iraq
= ir = Islamic Republic of Iran
= is = Iceland
= it = Italy
= jm = Jamaica
= jo = Jordan
= jp = Japan
= ke = Kenya
= kg = Kyrgyzstan
= kh = Cambodia
= ki = Kiribati
= km = Comoros
= kn = St. Kitts and Nevis
= kp = Korea, Democratic People's Republic of
= kr = Korea, Republic of
= kw = Kuwait
= ky = Cayman Islands
= kz = Kazakhstan
= la = Lao People's Democratic Republic
= lb = Lebanon
= lc = Saint Lucia
= li = Liechtenstein
= lk = Sri Lanka
= lr = Liberia
= ls = Lesotho
= lt = Lithuania
= lu = Luxembourg
= lv = Latvia
= ly = Libyan Arab Jamahiriya
= ma = Morocco
= mc = Monaco
= md = Moldova, Republic of
= mg = Madagascar
= mh = Marshall Islands
= mk = Macedonia
= ml = Mali
= mm = Myanmar
= mn = Mongolia
= mo = Macau
= mp = Northern Mariana Islands
= mq = Martinique
= mr = Mauritania
= ms = Monserrat
= mt = Malta
= mu = Mauritius
= mv = Maldives
= mw = Malawi
= mx = Mexico
= my = Malaysia
= mz = Mozambique
= na = Nambia
= nc = New Caledonia
= ne = Niger
= nf = Norfolk Island
= ng = Nigeria
= ni = Nicaragua
= nl = Netherlands
= no = Norway
= nr = Nauru
= nu = Niue
= nz = New Zealand
= om = Oman
= pa = Panama
= pe = Peru
= pf = French Polynesia
= pg = Papua New Guinea
= ph = Philippines
= pk = Pakistan
= pl = Poland
= pm = St. Pierre & Miquelon
= pn = Pitcairn
= pr = Puerto Rico
= ps = Palestine
= pt = Portugal
= pw = Palau
= py = Paraguay
= qa = Qatar
= re = Réunion
= ro = Romania
= ru = Russian Federation
= rw = Rwanda
= sa = Saudi Arabia
= sb = Solomon Islands
= sc = Seychelles
= sd = Sudan
= se = Sweden
= sg = Singapore
= sh = St. Helena
= si = Slovenia
= sj = Svalbard & Jan Mayen Islands
= sk = Slovakia
= sl = Sierra Leone
= sm = San Marino
= sn = Senegal
= so = Somalia
= sr = Suriname
= st = Sao Tome & Principe
= sv = El Salvador
= sy = Syrian Arab Republic
= sz = Swaziland
= tc = Turks & Caicos Islands
= td = Chad
= tf = French Southern Territories
= tg = Togo
= th = Thailand
= tj = Tajikistan
= tk = Tokelau
= tl = Timor-Leste
= tn = Tunisia
= to = Tonga
= tr = Turkey
= tt = Trinidad & Tobago
= tv = Tuvalu
= tw = Taiwan, Province of China
= tz = Tanzania, United Republic of
= ua = Ukraine
= ug = Uganda
= um = United States Minor Outlying Islands
= us = United States of America
= uy = Uruguay
= uz = Uzbekistan
= va = Vatican City State
= vc = St. Vincent & the Grenadines
= ve = Venezuela
= vg = British Virgin Islands
= vi = United States Virgin Islands
= vn = Viet Nam
= vu = Vanuatu
= wf = Wallis & Futuna Islands
= ws = Samoa
= ye = Democratic Yemen
= yt = Mayotte
= za = South Africa
= zm = Zambia
= zw = Zimbabwe

Vehicles emotes

-airplane
-ambulance
-bus
-bicycle
-car
- fire_engine
-fuel
-police_car
-rollercoaster
-rocket
-ship
-sailboat
-speedboat
-skiing
-suv
- traffic_light
-taxi
-train


Clothing
-bonnet
- boot
-dress
-handbag
-heels
-lipstick
-moneybag
-necktie
-rain
ribbon
-ring
-sandal
-sneaker
-tophat
-tshirt
-umbrella

Sports and Games
= baseball
= basketball
= billiards
-darts
-football
-golf
-horses
- mahjong
= racing
= slots
= slot_machine
- soccer
= trophy
= tennis
- heart_suit
- spade_suit
- club_suit
- diamond_suit
- heart_sparkle
- heart_red
- heart_blue
- heart_yellow
- heart_green
- heart_pink
- heart_purple
- heart_arrow
= heart_broken
= heart_ribbon
- heart_square

Music
-cd
-cassette
= dvd
= guitar
= headphone
-horn
= microphone
= megaphone
- minidisc
- note
= radio
- speakers
= saxophone
-sparkler
tunes
= trumpet

Holidays
= balloon
- christmastree
= extraterrestrial
= fireworks
= ghost
= hooray
= jackolantern
= package
- santa
= skull
= snowman
= sparkle
= star

Flowers and Plants
= autumnleaves
= bouquet
- bamboo
= cactus
- cherry_blossom
= hibiscus
-herb
- maple_leaf
= palm
= rosebud
= sunflower
= seedling
= tulip
- windyleaves
= wheat


Weather
-cloud
= hot_springs
- lightning
-mountain_sunrise
= rainbow
= sunrise
- sun
-sunset
- starry_night
-water_wave