SocialWorkStudent Offline21 • Female •
beatsiew: Arena pain in the ass I think of u often. I wish I could wave a magic wand and all ur problems and worries would disappear. Why God chose us to go thru this I don’t understand. I do believe we are here to help others that need us. I think of u as my daughter and I cry for what u have gone thru. I’ll pray fou.
SocialWorkStudent: *THIS IS A GREAT ARTICLE I RELATED TO NEARLY ALL OF THESE EXCEPT #4 AND #7. I COPIED A FEW BELOW
#5 – You Still Don’t Talk About it to Anyone
What happened is always there like a hiccup in your mind. But you don’t tell anyone because either you’re scared or you’re worried about being judged. You feel like if other people don’t know what happened then you can ignore it better. Unfortunately this doesn’t work and can make you feel increasingly isolated and ashamed.
#6 – Talking About it Hurts. Not Talking About It Hurts.
You talk about it. You feel exposed. You feel ashamed. It doesn’t matter how much someone tells you “it’s not your fault” you still feel like you just walked into school without your pants on and everyone’s pointing and laughing. But not talking about it hurts too. You have flashbacks and memories that haunt your every waking moment but you’ve learned to smile and fake being okay…at least most of the time.
#8 – You Feel Lonely But You Want to be Alone
You desperately want someone to talk to about your deepest, darkest fears and memories. You want to blurt it out to someone. But you never do. You carry this burden around and it only gets heavier with each step. You desperately want friendships but you feel like you’re being phony when you have to hide so much. You want to be alone so that you can actually try to deal with the painful memories and the fear and the shaking and the tears. But then you feel worse because you secretly wish you had someone there with you to just quietly support you and try to understand.
#9 – You’re Afraid of Anyone who Remotely Resembles Your Abusers
If you were abused by a 40-year-old man you might find yourself instantly on edge around 40-year-old men. If your abuser had a certain shade of hair, a certain smell, a certain “look” and you see someone who reminds you of that person you feel instantly terrified or sick. You might feel like you need to throw up or hide. It’s especially difficult if someone like this is a family member or someone who you know is a good, kind person.
#10 – You Might Be Disgusted By Your Body
Body dysmorphia is extremely common for survivors of sex abuse. Many survivors develop eating disorders as a way to “control” their body. Others are disgusted by anything sexual about themselves and try to hide their bodies under loose, baggy clothing or by overeating. Some survivors do the opposite and become fixated on appearing sexy because they may feel that it’s “all they’re good for”.
Solutions for Healing:
– Talk to someone. I know this is hard. BELIEVE ME, I know. But if you keep it all bottled up inside it will eat away at you. Preferably find a counselor, therapist, or hotline specialist to talk to. Being able to express your fear, worry, and anger and use real words can help you to define what happened, realize it wasn’t your fault, and find an action plan for healing.
SocialWorkStudent: I saw this recently:
Dismantling these fear structures, bit by bit, is integral to the success of talk therapies. Survivors need to tell their trauma story over and over, under the guidance of a skilled mental health professional, to properly work through it. The unspeakable must be rendered permanently speakable.Engaging in such therapies is no easy task, especially for trauma sufferers, whose natural, and understandable, inclination is to avoid any reminders of their trauma. This instinct to bury trauma and seek less direct treatment is so powerful for victims that many are drawn, instead, to magic bullets such as ketamine, ecstasy and medical marijuana. Such approaches promise rapid relief by offering an altered state of mind, not by getting to the root of PTSD and dismantling its fear structures. Only by acknowledging the need to put memories back in order can survivors restore harmony to the chaos of their memories and thrive in their new normal.
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Rob Spartan in reply to Rcoll52653: The Unspeakable Mind: Stories of Trauma and Healing From the Frontlines of PTSD Science (Harper) by Shaili Jain, M.D., a psychiatrist and PTSD specialist at Stanford
SocialWorkStudent: A happy picture of me at xmas excited to open this up but I have no memory at all of what it was. wish i did