Teeth McQueen Offline

100 In a relationship Male from Hartford       212



1. Jonathan and Bill have only known each other for a few months and shouldn’t rush into a serious commitment.

2. Greg is probably in it for Brian’s money.

3. Wendy claims she loves Margaret, but she hasn’t put her feelings for Julia behind her.

4. Lisa is too career driven for an emotionally needy person like Amy.

5. Tim is an asshole.

Eric Garner / the Police

The video of the recent murder of Eric Garner is one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen. While the Ferguson case presented questions (conflicting forensics/testimony, etc), this situation is terrifyingly clear. The proposed solutions are apparently useless: 1. Body cameras: Nope. Filmed cops aren't charged. 2. Demilitarizing police: Nope. Garner's killer used his hands. 3. A more diverse police force: Nope. NYC has one the most diverse police forces in the country. After this grand jury decision, no one should be confused about the role of the police in our society. If you are still calling for "better relations" with the police, you're delusional. REAL TALK: The police are at war with our communities and people keep acting like we're just friends in an argument. We need to find ways to curb the power of police, to limit the amount of police, to monitor and confront them when they attack us. I'm sick of this shit.

depression / get help

In 2000 I went to see my first psychiatrist. The only remarkable thing about the appointment was the moment when he cut me short as I was very discreetly dancing around the period molestation that marked my tween years to ask if I had ever been on any antidepressants before. After that 45 minute consult I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder by the harried young physician who eagerly stuffed a months worth of Celexa samples into my sweaty trembling palms.

Over the next 14 years I'd go on and off similar meds as they simply didn't work and caused me no small amount of sexual dysfunction (in my prime seed sewing years, unacceptable!) This probably wasn't the best solution as I still felt firmly and constantly in the throes of "some poisonous fog bank roll[ing] in upon my mind." I muddled through mostly because, I still had some friends, the hope of completing law school/securing fulfilling work, various obsessive “collecting” behaviors, a succession of highly risky self-destructive pastimes, and a very comforting near constant habit of suicidal ideation to fall back on (like a program that’s constantly running in the background).

By the summer of 2014 I’d run out of ….. everything. I started seeing a new psychiatrist that re-diagnosed me as bi-polar and put me on totally new class of meds. So, I suppose the last 14 years were a mistake. The new meds are making me get fat and feel dull headed, but i suppose that’s a little better than living like a shut in, obsessively collecting things, and fantasizing about dying all day long.

Anyway, my real point is mental illness is serious business. It will catch up to you. If you think you need help, get help sooner rather than later. If you suspect you’ve been given a bad diagnosis get a second opinion. These things don't just magically work themselves out on their own.


I'm gonna start blogging real shit.

Since getting clean (3 months hooray?) I spend a lot of time alternating between hating myself, oversleeping, having panic attacks, and just being plain old mentally deranged. However, between these sad episodes I do really have some genuine albeit fleeting moments of crystal clarity. I’ve decided that, since I no longer have friends or family I am not estranged from I’m going to go ahead and blog some of the thoughts I have. If for no other reason, I’d like to have them down in print so that I can refer back to them when i’m not thinking with the same amount of lucidity.

If you have feedback for me I could totally use it. If you think my thinking is really faulty, please let me know. If you think i’m being an oversharing needy attention whore, you’re right, but that’s basically all i really know how to be. The point is I could use the input, as living completely in my own head has really lead me some bad places and I want to change.

Kindness is like gene game theory with more math (or, I am high and I listen to a lot of National Public Radio)

If natural selection is an indifferent process where traits that cause reproductive success are selected for and traits that reduce reproductive success are selected against, then how can a trait that doesn't on face increase reproductive advantage exist? Put another way, how can natural selection account for a behaviour that makes us less likely to survive?

Selflessness/altruism is a great example of such a behaviour. We know animals compromise their own well-being (and by extension reduce their own reproductive success) to benefit other animals. It's inconsistent with natural selection, but we know it happens. So, I guess life isn't just a cold recursive (not too sure I'm using this word correctly) process of passing on traits that are beneficial in the game of passing on traits. LOL JK. It turns out- it sooo is!

rB > C. This means genes for altruism evolve if the benefit (B) of an action exceeds the cost (C) to the individual once relatedness (r) is accounted for (i.e., even if it looks selfless it is not, because your genes did the math and you're altruistic act is really aimed at increasing the reproductive success of your genetic relatives.)

So remember, kindness doesn't exist. Stay frosty.

NPR: http://www.radiolab.org/2010/dec/14/equation-good/

Also, Plants Are Dickheads Too: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/02/130201132334.htm