Small Pain In My Chest

The soldier boy was sitting calmly underneath that tree,
As I approached it, I could see him beckoning to me.
The battle had been long and hard and lasted through the night,
And scores of figures on the ground lay still by morning’s light.

“I wonder if you’d help me, sir,” he smiled as best he could
“A sip of water on this morn would surely do me good
We fought all day and fought all night with scarcely any rest,
A sip of water for I have this small pain in my chest.”

As I looked at him, I could see the large stain on his shirt
All reddish-brown from his warm blood mixed in with desert dirt.
“Not much,” said he, “I count myself luckier than the rest.
They’re all gone while I just have a small pain in my chest.”

“I looked around to get some aid-the only things I found
Were big, deep craters in the earth-bodies on the ground.
I kept on firing at them, sir, I tried to do my best,
But I finally sat down with this small pain in my chest.”

“I’m grateful, sir,” he whispered, as I handed my canteen
And smiled a smile that was, I think, the brightest that I’ve seen.
“Seems silly that a man my size, so full of vim and zest,
Could find himself defeated by a small pain in his chest.”

“What would my wife be thinking of her man so strong and grown
If she could see me sitting here, too weak to stand alone?
Could my mother have imagined, as she held me to her breast,
That I’d be sitting here one day with this pain in my chest?”

“Can it be getting dark so soon?” he winced up at the sun
“It’s growing dim and I thought the day had just begun.
I think, before I travel on, I’ll get a little rest…”
And, quietly, the boy died from that pain in his chest.

I don’t recall what happened then, I think I must have cried
I put my arms around him and I pulled him to my side.
And as I held him to me, I could feel our wounds were pressed
The large one in my heart against the small one in his chest.

Blinking Yellow Light

was fated then
to curse the wait-
a memory that you wrote
verse resolved to lines-
the colors of the breeze
as daylight sweetly
to a bed beneath the stars
and warmed the place-
reminders of our love.

no different now
the way I am-
returning as before
when the light is blinking yellow
and the traffic stalls-
when the water crashes cold
(that first walk into the waves)
when the morning stirs you softly
with a lowly come to me
a moment when
your name resounds-
ushered by the still
and you wonder
how it is I know
I knew to find you here.

when the rain is
but a place behind
and thunder wears a sorrow
for what was lost (worth keeping)
beside you on the bed
sleeps against your aching heart
fearless as was love
a flickered recognition
of regret (you won't forget)

love remains unburdened
by everything I might have been-
the light to blink-
as moments to slow down
the way I laughed
when we made love
(the silence of surrender)
the light is changed-
you took my breath away.

counting cars and waiting signs
for the world to let you be-
one last time
will nothing come but something
(you can't see)

an ancient sun was blinded
by dimensions of hello-
a place beyond where dimensions
melt to coal-

when your final word
is spoken-
comes a prayer to lay you down-
will then close your eyes
and drift away
forever there-awaiting
with keys you thought were gone
a song you wrote-
(was given to me)
to song

Eulogy For My Grandfather

I.

The evening tastes like your skin,
Puckered and wrinkled between my teeth
My lips so often shrank from your touch –
They feared the memory of what they will someday
Be. But sometimes, I recall,
You felt so full and swelled with love,
I’d swear you might float away.
The moon overhead bears your face tonight,
And it smiles;
It knows my regret
And bathes me in reflected forgiveness.

II

With every sunset,
I remember your chemical lovers –
The compounds that spilled color
Across your forgetting mind.
In the perceived dullness of your days,
You flamed bright orange against age,
Burning lower, but no less strong.
I feel the warmth across my cheeks,
The comforting embrace of your energy.
Somewhere deep between my ribs,
My ashes remember your fire.

III

Your world fit together in perfect equations,
Balanced like a tight-rope-walker
On invisible strands of belief
That someday, somehow,
All that was wrong would right itself.
Who would have the heart to tell you
That the leaning tower of Pisa
Falls a little more each year?

IV

I remember a cat you loved once
Or rather I remember the love –
The way it tweaked your long eyebrows
Up your forehead, spread short lashes
In a mashed potato smile,
That I couldn’t desire to resist.
And in some hollow behind your eyes,
I saw the hole that flickered with flames,
Broken glass, German cries,
The hole we all believed you could never fill.
But it was us all along, who
Were too afraid to try.
(If I pressed my ear against the hole,
I think I’d hear it purr.)

V

The alchemy of your love hangs
Behind glass now,
Pendulum slowly swinging in time
To the turning of the earth.
I think it was enough to touch it once,
Hold it as the power gently faded,
Till the heartbeat evaporated into my palm.
Now out of reach,
Your soul’s diorama hangs calmly on my desk –
I swear I’ll keep it safe
And free of dust.

VI

Deep below my feet, you call to the worms
In your silver voice, beckon them –
You want to introduce yourself,
Tell them a story,
Brag to them about your grandchildren.
When you’re finished, you’ll send them away,
With an appointment to come back
Next Thursday.

VII

Did you wear down slowly,
Like the Little Engine That Couldn’t,
Slowly sputtering its way through miles of desert
Until it spattered out?
Or did you dry up quickly
As the rainstorm puddle splashed
By one too many careless children?
Perhaps you simply ceased to trouble
Over every which and when and
Why the stars appear to twinkle
Like children’s smiles overhead.

Yes,
I think you finally outgrew the evening –
Who can blame you for that?