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Ordinary

It was a love like no other
I arranged my entire days so I could spend time with him
For years. For 20 years
Just talking
Just talking about nothing and everything !
And every time was the very same
My heart beat fully. Loudly. Stong
For I was with him
A short time, a long time; didn't matter
We were together
Just talking
Nothing more
And I was more than content with only this
And unbelievably in love
Beyond anything I ever thought possible

Until it wasn't any more

The dictionary defines ordinary as standard, usual, or common.

Yes, having been thrown down from my previous estate,
so callously and abrupty, that is exactly how I feel now.
Ordinary.
Just like everyone else.

I get up in the morning and check to see the weather,
then eat, then dress and go about my day.
Just like everyone else.
I come home and relax, then eat and go to sleep.
Just like everyone else.

And the days come.
And go.
One by one.
One cruel day after another.
Taunting me.
Reminding me of just how ordinary I am.

And so I live out my days agonizing over things that cannot be changed;
cannot be undone.
The days seem long and unproductive
and I am but merely a woman who was once in love
and lost.
A story as old as time. Through millions of years.
What makes me think I was so special to hurt more than any other ?
Because he....was no ordinary man.
He was quiet. And kind. And unlike anyone I had ever known before

Before he came I had my fortress ! I was comfortable behind there.
I controlled everything that came and went in my life.
And I was happy in my solitude !
And it is here that I shall return
For it is here that I am kept safe once more
And no one must come near
Ever.
Never again.