Uh, we need to have a talk guys.

No, not about your self ball cupping. I’ve covered that already. Right now we’re going to talk about your dick. Well, pictures of your dicks. Because let’s face it; you lot tend to share a lot of those around this place. When I say a lot, what I really mean is you have more selfies of your cock than Kim Kardashian has of her naked arse. This alone is a serious problem, because she is the ultimate photo whore so I have no idea how to even rate your shenanigans. Moving on though.

Since attentions spans here can be as short as the dicks you’re showing off, I’ll try to make this quick.

1. Clean your goddamn nails- If you’re trying to get a woman to admire your penis, holding it with your filthy fucking hands isn’t going to let that happen. Do you know why? Because we’re staring at your nasty, crusty, fingers and imagining vomiting on your penis when you think that you're going to come anywhere near our furry love boxes with those damn things. Then our mind wanders… where have those fingers been? Up your bum? Up someone else’s bum? In your nose? Maybe clawing the life out of some helpless person/animal because you’re a psychopath? Where they digging a grave for the last girl that rejected you? Bottom line is, if you can’t clean your hands, your dick is probably pretty fucking disgusting too.

2. If you aren’t clipped, you better be showing your tip- Circumcised vs uncircumcised isn’t always a deal breaker. But if you’re going to show us a penis that looks like a goddamn 200 year old tortoise straining to reach his food we are going to point, and we are going to laugh. We’re not impressed by your foreskin; we want to see what makes us feel good inside (pun intended) and that my loves, is the head so get that bastard nice and hard and try to impress us instead of making us suddenly hate tortoises. Speaking of hard that brings us to the next item of business.

3. Never, NEVER show us a flaccid penis- Yes, we know that’s the natural state. But you’re trying to get us interested in it, remember? Showing us a soft dick is like trying to sell a car with four flat tires; no one wants what they can’t try out.

4. Man fur- Man fur for some of us is a turn on. Having pubes that look like one of Phil Spector’s wigs is not. I’m not saying you have to shave that shit bald, but you can at least trim it up. If you have a particularly sweaty groin area, trimming can help reduce the sweat and the horrible smell of rotting corpses that waft from that area, especially if you’re on the athletic side. It can also make your dong appear larger so there’s a bonus reason!

5. Label your motherfucking photos- Be it a username, or your actual name… we want to know who’s dick we’re admiring. Or if we find it 6 months later in a folder that we stash your goodies in (for research purposes of course) we’d like to know who we’re “researching”. After all if you’re proud enough to send a photo of your dick, then you should be proud enough to put your fucking name on that damn thing. Claim that shit or don’t bother sending it at all.


I’ll wrap this up now so you can take a moment to reflect and take in all of this knowledge. Any questions?

Special thanks to demoness and drunk piano for the topic list to discuss. you beautiful bitches.

Just want to get this out here.

So, I've had a few people whining about the lack of my undivided attention while I'm on Wire and that I don't open up about my personal life. I thought that I'd address these topics because honestly, I am damn tired of hearing the same shit from the same sort of people about this.

I generally use Wire while I am at work. I keep my status set to away because I don't get to sit in one spot all day and only move to shit, piss, or eat; I have to actually get up and do things. Most of you know this, and are perfectly okay with me not PMing you back the instant that you send me a message. Thank you for that.

If you're not okay with this sorry, not sorry. I come here to chat for fun, not be any one person's source of entertainment. There will be times that I don't respond or have to sign off because I have things that need to be done and if you cannot deal with not being the centre of my Wire life please do us both a favour and delete me from your friends list. I don't tolerate that level of neediness in my real life, and I will not be tolerating it online either.

Speaking of my personal life, what part of "my" and "personal" is hard to understand? I share what I feel comfortable sharing about my life and relationships. This shouldn't be difficult to comprehend. Getting angry at me because I will not tell you everything that you want to know about me is not going get you the information that you want either. So, feel free to eat a dick the next time you want to get shitty about what I feel comfortable sharing with you.

While they're a few people here that know a great deal about my personal life, it is because I have chatted with them for years and they have truly been the most supportive and loving people in my life. They cared about me at my worst, and kept giving me love (even tough love) until things got better.

To be fucking honest, none of this should be an issue. Just because I chat here does not mean that I'm obligated to tell you everything in the history of ever about me. I don't have to cater to your insecurities or tend to your wounded ego. I am not responsible for your feelings, nor am I to be held accountable for the cuntish things that other people have done to you on this site. Your issues are not my issues, just like mine aren't yours.

If you cannot possibly accept this, honestly delete me from your list. I don’t have time for your shit.

This song will forever make me want to dance about like an idiot.

In Two Minds- Riverside

Tormented Heart- Hania Lee

Your gentle wishes haunt me
I hear you calling
Each night I try to sleep
Now I’m falling over water
Into steam
Onto futures that you dream…

Do you know that I hear every thought that goes through you
Every wish when your mind wanders off;
Your point of view
I am listening to you
I hear all that you do.

Do you think that I want all your thoughts to come to me
All your secrets you’ve buried inside are there to see
I am listening to you
I hear only the truth.

Your fears, your pleasures – they’re in the open
Each night I try to sleep
My mind is taken to the water
Through the steam
Into horrors that you dream

Do you know that I hear every thought your mind creates
At times we talk and all I hear is how it’s me you hate
I am listening to you
I hear only the truth

I am listening to you
I hear only the truth

I am listening to you
I hear all that you do.

One reason why I dislike having friends.

A friend phoned me up last night, raging at me, and ended our friendship. Seems that she blames me for her being pregnant.

I set her up on a date with a guy that is good friends with my flat mate. She'd meet him a few times, but was too shy to ask him out and had been after me for a few weeks to get them together. I finally did as she had asked, they hit it off, and have been dating ever since.

So, since I introduced them properly, which lead to the date, which lead to their relationship (and ultimately their sex), which lead to her getting knocked up, I am the reason her life has been ruined. She says she will never forgive me for this and that I was irresponsible in my decision to introduce her to this guy, and it shows how little I think of her by doing so.

I waited until she was done ranting at me, and I asked her to explain to me how her cavalier attitude towards sex was my fault. Her brilliant reply was, "Because I said it's your fault, and it is."

I will never understand women like this. EVER.

I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” - Marilyn Monroe

As overused as that quote is, it's spot on.

I don't do things perfectly; I make a metric fuckton of mistakes. I am more than a little insecure, but I don't always allow that to show. I wasn't raised to show emotions openly, so any mistakes I make when dealing with people are solely my own. At least I am putting out the effort to learn; I'm trying to be a better person. I have bad days as well as good days. I cry, I hurt, I love, I regret, and I rage because I am human, NOT because I am female.

Sometimes, I feel lost and alone and I don't always know how to ask for help. To those that offered me support because you realised something was wrong, I love you for that. To those that were there for me when I asked you to be, I love you too. To those that couldn't be bothered to deal with me when I came to you, I offer you this: Don't expect me to re-arrange my life for you in your time of need. Karma is coming, and it's a bigger bitch than I could ever be. Enjoy.

Rain When I Die- Alice in Chains

Battle Metal- Turisas

Hallelujah Goat-Volbeat